A
female
age
41-50,
*ronzehorse
writes:I have been married for almost 10 years. We have 2 kids. We met, one month later we moved in together, on month after that I was pregnant. It all happened so fast. I tried doing the right thing and learn to love him as a husband so we got married. Through the years I have tried to leave with the kids, but lack of finances always pull me back to his care. Now I find myself having an affair. I had already told him previous to that, that it's over between us. I am still financially dependent on him and am trying to find a job to move out with the kids. I think I am in love with the one I am having an affair with. He wants me to move close to him with the kids. What is the right thing to do? Tell my husband everything or just stay with him? Or should I stick to my plan and get a job and leave?
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female
reader, pgissyd  +, writes (28 December 2008):
 you need to leave. DONT involve this other man anymore. get out completly and get your life and your kids life settled in your new place, get the divorce sorted, get a decent job. basically get yourself sorted. and worry about new relationships another time, AFTER you have a new life you will find a new man. the first man maynot be the right man, but someday there will be one.
A
female
reader, headphonejunkie +, writes (27 December 2008):
Uprooting your kids to move in with the man you've had an affair with is... really, just selfish. Even still, uprooting your kids out of their safe environment when you are not financially stable is, still selfish... even more so when I don't get the impression you'll be keeping your lover away to let the children adjust.
You've gotten yourself in a terrible situation. While I would almost always say that children belong with the mother, in this situation, I am not so sure. Create a resume, get a job, get an apartment, and a divorce. Let the children remain with their father until you are financially able to take care of them, and then petition the courts for joint custody.
Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2008): You stay with your husband only because he has money. You've been having an affair and now you "think" that your in love and you want to move in with your lover and uproot your children from their comfortable life. What if this doesn't work, what will you do next for an encore. How come after 10years you haven't managed to put yourself in a position to be eligible to find yourself a job? Leave your husband by all means, but first learn to stand on your own two feet, learn to stop depending on men and their money, and learn to make your own decisions and stop yourself getting rushed into things which only bring yourself unhappiness and pain.
Go and see a divorce lawyer and see exactly how much it will cost to get a divorce. Find out what maintenance and financial support your husband may have to give you, read everything on the net about becoming an independent, single mother. Do this first, because I'm worried what will happen if things with your new lover don't work out. Your a mother with kids, you need to be strong for them, not allowing yourself to make bad decisions because you don't know how to cope. Don't take your kids too far away from their father, their friends, and the things they know best. If your lover is serious, well then tell him to move next to you, because your kids come first.
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A
female
reader, Chrissy1986  +, writes (27 December 2008):
 Honestly i am not quite sure but if i was in your shoes i would talk to your husband and explain to him your situation but still wait untill you find a job before breaking the news to him, and when you do find somewhere between your husband and your lover that way your happy and the kids still get to see their dad...................... Sorry that i cant be of more help.
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