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Dear Cupid > Forums > Sex talk > Cheating

Cheating

KeighleySky, posted over a year ago

Why is it that people think it's perfectly fine to cheat on their partner?

This subject just gets me so angry, i just answered a guy who ask a question concerning his girlfriend and a girl he'd slept with. It has realy angered me.

What is wrong with staying faithful to the person your with?

Posted on 20 June 2010 @ 23:3 (London time) - permalink
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C. Grant, posted over a year ago

At least there was a time when people were ashamed of it. I don't get it.

Posted on 20 June 2010 @ 23:9 (London time) - permalink
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BunnyTee, posted over a year ago

Personally, I believe the reason it's no longer treated as a shameful, dark secret is due to the attitudes adopted, in present day, that Amorality is acceptable and almost preferable to the oh-so-difficult task of conducting one's self with a modicum of decency and principle. I believe the "tolerance doctrine" advocating anything goes leads to this as well.

Posted on 20 June 2010 @ 23:22 (London time) - permalink
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KeighleySky, posted over a year ago

i just hated how this guy from the post was saying his grilfriend was hot and ok in bed (btw she's pregnant with his child, the condom broke) but this girl he (and got pregnant a few days after he go this gf pregnant) is the sexiets girl he'd ever seen and that she will be his sex slave if he leaves his girlfriend!

I mean do none of the men of my generation have any morals at all???

Posted on 20 June 2010 @ 23:29 (London time) - permalink
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Tisha-1, posted over a year ago

Keep in mind that what you read here at DC is a distillation of concentrated relationship problems.

Men and women have cheated since time immemorial, and no doubt will continue to do so. It's just much more public with the advent of the internet and sites like this that highlight the badboys and badgirls.

There are also posters who take some pleasure in getting aunts all in a lather, and may perhaps create posts designed to do just that.... just sayin'....

Posted on 20 June 2010 @ 23:38 (London time) - permalink
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PM, posted over a year ago

Like Tisha has already pointed out, cheating is not new, only the way that we're hearing about it is.

I personally doubt that people are cheating any more or less than they were in the past, the digital age is just leaving much more of a footprint than affairs in different times. 20 years ago, you'd be hard pressed to find a log of all the phone calls that someone has made and now it's as simple as turning on a cell phone. The environment might have changed, but I really doubt that people have changed all that much.

You also can't discount the fact that you only read about all the relationships where people cheat and not any of the relationships where people are happy. All of those are going unmentioned while all those who feel some guilt from cheating are posting.

Posted on 21 June 2010 @ 6:16 (London time) - permalink
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BunnyTee, posted over a year ago

Though I concede that there IS a degree of logic in the digital age rationale-just making more readily available the information that has always been there.

I believe it is also ENABLED by it. As relevant, supporting evidence I cite that just by the volume of posts and subsequent responses to same on DC saying "It's the 21st century and it's all different now" etc, etc. Honestly, I have a more specific example in mind but I'll refrain from citing that since it may prove offensive. Which leads straight into the dogma of free-wheeling "tolerance" wherein old school morality is cast to the four winds as out-dated and no longer applicable.

So I agree, partially, that what we see here is something of the "goldfish bowl" perspective, but I also believe that it's the presentation of "symptoms" of a systemic epidemic.

Posted on 21 June 2010 @ 13:23 (London time) - permalink
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Tisha-1, posted over a year ago

I think it's a lot easier to find out if someone is cheating now too, with all the traces people leave behind. Cell phones, computer emails, passwords, texting... more discoveries = more unhappy partners and spouses.

Posted on 21 June 2010 @ 22:33 (London time) - permalink
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Tisha-1, posted over a year ago

And to get back to the original question: "Why is it that people think it's perfectly fine to cheat on their partner?" I expect there are many potential answers.

Unhappiness with the state of the sex life

Boredom

A feeling of entitlement

Narcissism

Sexual frustration

Opportunity

Mid-life crisis

Self-esteem boosting

Most would be selfish in origin, I think.

I have to repeat here, that some posters may be looking more for reactions from the aunts than actually have a problem. In other words, they are lying, making up a story, pretending, so that they can get a rise out of the aunts. To borrow BunnyTee's avatar as a metaphor, it's entertaining to throw out a bit of chum and watch the feeding frenzy ensue. (Or is that simile? I get confused. Anyhoo...)

I think we need to keep that in mind as we answer the questions presented. We are here to give advice, not throw out insults or hurtful messages, tempting though it may be.

Posted on 21 June 2010 @ 22:40 (London time) - permalink
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C. Grant, posted over a year ago

A case in point that happened in Canada last month:

A woman is having a fling, so she sets up a new cell phone account. The provider is reviewing accounts, and signs the family up for a new comprehensive, combined service package that will save them money. Except her clandestine account now shows up on the family bill, and hubby finds out about the affair. The woman has the chutzpah to sue the provider.

Posted on 21 June 2010 @ 23:53 (London time) - permalink
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Tisha-1, posted over a year ago

Ooooh, THAT'S a great example of chutzpah! Classic. She must be a piece of work. Poor husband!

Posted on 22 June 2010 @ 0:14 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

how about this true story...woman having text affair with younger guy. he wants pics and so eventually she sends a few. however she isnt the smartest knife in the drawer and sends it to hubby also. bf texts back and says do you know that it shows up that you sent that to two people? so she calls hubby and tells him she has somehow made a horrible mistake...and the other guy~a family friend~ got it too... but that she had texted and asked him not to open it and he assured her that he deleted it. hubby believed every word and woman got by with it. how much more do you think goes on everyday? i think we would be appalled. mal

Posted on 22 June 2010 @ 0:47 (London time) - permalink
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C. Grant, posted over a year ago

Sounds like hubby was a few fries short of a happy meal as well.

Posted on 22 June 2010 @ 1:27 (London time) - permalink
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BunnyTee, posted over a year ago

Metaphor is correct.

Posted on 22 June 2010 @ 1:46 (London time) - permalink
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BunnyTee, posted over a year ago

Simile is the use of comparison by 2 unlike things or opposites. Hyperbole (my personal fav) is the use of inflated, flamboyant,or exaggerated vernacular flair.

Can't resist, English has always been a favorite study.

Posted on 22 June 2010 @ 1:50 (London time) - permalink
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PM, posted over a year ago

I think it takes a particular sort of person to be able to cheat and be okay with it. In the past, I used to think that people cheated because they weren't satisfied with their current relationship but I dropped that idea pretty quickly. I realized that it's one thing to feel unsatisfied, but it's another thing to stay in that relationship and cheat when you could just as simply break up and sleep with whomever, where ever.

There's a security element in needing to stay with someone even if you're not satisfied with the relationship and there's a "not holding fidelity in high regard" element.

Posted on 24 June 2010 @ 6:6 (London time) - permalink
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