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Dear Cupid > Forums > Couples > is whats good for the goose good for the gander ?

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is whats good for the goose good for the gander ?

, posted over a year ago

i used to use this site alot a few years back and am relatively new to it again in the last week or so.

and theres something that is on my mind regarding the issue of porn, i have seen so many posts of women unable to cope with their mens porn use and so many posts off men unable to understand why their woman is off with thier porn use...

so i want to pose the question as i am genuinely interested... no really im not just trying to get people thinking, i actually want to know...

those men who use porn, would you be ok if your girlfriend or wife used explicit pornographic images or videos of impossibly gorgeous hunky men to masterbate over on a daily basis?

and to further that thought, if you would mind men being objectifed to your women making them drool every time they open the door, in magazine shelves and bilboards and newspapers and on tv etc.

Posted on 6 February 2010 @ 21:6 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

i will add something. if you are opposed to porn..are you also opposed to women using aids to masturbate? not trying to start a war just honestly wondering. i use neither. wont shoot you down if you do.

Posted on 6 February 2010 @ 22:17 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

"those men who use porn, would you be ok if your girlfriend or wife used explicit pornographic images or videos of impossibly gorgeous hunky men to masterbate over on a daily basis?"

Not at all. I have actually encouraged my wife to do that. I think it increases a woman's sexuality. However, she has no interest in doing it alone, but she does like to watch porn with me. She also doesn't care if I watch porn. We both have movie stars on TV who we drool over. If we are lucky, we each have one on the same show.

Posted on 6 February 2010 @ 22:40 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

marriedlady no you see im not oppsed to porn , ive used it myself when single. im not sure what the situiation is in other countires but in england women are objectifed all over the place in fact in front of shop counters at my 7 year old sons hieght there are pictures of naked women licking each other on the front of magazines where he can even grab them, and if i had a daughter i feel this might damage her. i feel porn has a place , but its place is being spread to places it shouldnt be. and lads mags is a new excuse for porn to be in your face. and i just want to know for interests sake what men who use porn in relationshgips feel about role reversal :)

as for objects and toys , i have not much opinion really. :)

troubled too much thankyou :)

Posted on 6 February 2010 @ 22:53 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

i totally agree with you. i have 4 sons and its getting so in the USA that the billboards along the interstate are as bad as girly mags were 25 years ago when i was a teenager. there are movie posters, and really its everywhere. i dont appreciate it either. i wasnt making a case for porn...i was simply throwing out on the table what i hear coming from the "other" side. personally i am somewhere in the middle of the road ... have friends on both sides and can somewhat see both arguements.

i think if a person decides to view porn they should have the freedom to do so, but it should be done in private (or with another consenting adult). For the most part the girlie mags in the States are not out front and at eye level for children. i miss the days where you wondered what a persons body looked like. there are no secrets anymore. blah, i dont WANT to see your butt or your boobs, while standing in line at the market. and i really didnt want to know what color your undies were....

i am interested to hear what everyone thinks about your question. mal

Posted on 6 February 2010 @ 23:54 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

to be fair im trying to teach my boys to respect women and they are already making questionable comments , and they are 7 and 5 !

i think the uk is one of the worst countries for "downgrading and displaying " porn! i even thought to move to canada when they were young as i heard the levels of respect were higher there but found out my citizenship rights had been out-timed.

i know what you mean about the billboards , i even heard of one instance in the uk where a billboard objectifying men was banned even though it was less offensive than the ones regulaly shown of women.

lets hope some good commments arise :)

Posted on 7 February 2010 @ 0:10 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

"blah, i dont WANT to see your butt or your boobs, while standing in line at the market."

I do. Oops, I better hide again. :)

In the US, the adult magazines in normal bookstores are on the top rack, some high enough for adults to have to reach for. Even the artistic photo photography magazines are on the top shelves. Sometimes the cycle and hot rod magazines are on the bottom and they have scantly clad women in their pages. You ask how I know all of this. Never mind. Hey, my wife checks them out with me at times.

Seriously though, I do think that there is too much of this these days. I'm over 60 and there was none of this when I was young. Even Playboy was sometimes kept behind the counter and you had to be 18 or 21 to buy one, depending on the drugstore or bookstore owner's opinion of younger people seeing this stuff. I have no problem with adults seeing all this stuff, but if I had children, I think that it would bother me. I'm all for sex education at younger ages, but this not sex education. The thing is that everybody can see much more on the web. All it takes is a minute to Google explicit sex sites and get on them. Like the front page that asks if you are 18 means anything.

Posted on 7 February 2010 @ 0:26 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

thing is my kids are too young to go on the computor without being told they can, and when they do they cant google anything because of accountability and parent watch.

the bad news is that these lads mags are defining them beyond my parental control and i dont thjink thats fair . its glorified porn and its in thier face and the faces of anyone who would otherwise choose not to see it .

what about a man who has promised to not go there and means it but is faced with it every time he goes to buy a loaf of bread?

i really would like to see the world on its ass and how men would feel about this in return.

Posted on 7 February 2010 @ 0:48 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

I am infinitely too jaded to get excited just from magazine stills. Internet porn has blown all the magazine stuff out the door and down the road. I coaxed my second ex wife.....it's complicated.....but she was not too happy with porn. If I had ever asked her to watch some she would have never consented. So as we were speaking about something and as I worked at my computer. I clicked over and streamed some porn with out telling her what was coming. She cocked her head a bit like the RCA dog looking at the Victrola on the old record label for about two minutes and about knocked me out of my chair and taking me where we sat.

It was very endearing. I later had that twinge of jealousy that has to be what women feel when they compare themselves to the porn star, but I decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth. The buff dude is just pixels on a screen. I converted my significant other to recognize the virtues of porn with out firing a shot. (no pun intended)

Posted on 7 February 2010 @ 0:50 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

I think the women that are OK with a guys porn use, still don't understand why we continue to view it when they are ready willing and able to fulfill each and every desire for their guys. Both quantity and quality. I can't tell you why, but all I can do is ask you to take my word for it that it isn't you. To me this is the best evidence of that evolutionary prompt for men to go forth and spew the women of the land far and wide. I am not saying it is right. I don't really understand it myself so I can't begin to explain it to women. But it is there and if I were a woman I would attempt to let it go.

Posted on 7 February 2010 @ 1:22 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

im smiling as i read your post , as its always endearing as you put it to me when i get a sense of a man who might have a small clue as to how its feels to always be on the rough end of the stick.

i dont have alot to go on yet but its good that the men that have taken the time to respond have good humour on the role reversal :)

Posted on 7 February 2010 @ 1:24 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

I also just saw a picture of tiger woods on the cover of a magazine not an hour ago. Naked from the waist up with some chain wrapped or dangling from his arms. I am sure he is working to some how get some better press. But he looked OK to me. He was close enough to naked that if this had been a woman it would have been behind the counter. I realized it was very much a beef cake photo but i didn't feel that he was being objectified. Not with the stigma that people feel is attached to women.

Posted on 7 February 2010 @ 1:36 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

oh to your second q6105 post no what concerns me is that most women i know have these same urges but there is not the same outlet for it and its not as accepted ... and also that it is in too many unwanted and unreasonable faces.

i like the way you bring up evolution , you know how to tempt me into a debate :P no i dont agree but you know that lol...

i think men and women could both as easily use porn as each other, but has nothing to do with sowing seeds, at least in my case it couldnt of :P

Posted on 7 February 2010 @ 1:38 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

q6150 , im not sure what gets to go behind the counter in the usa but in england its ALL laid out , no i dont think a topless man compares to a naked woman being explicit bending over and nestling in another naked womans breasts i mean total ass splaying ...and this is what we get on our average 4 ft eye level in the uk ...

no i dont think that compares , i could think of things that could but ive never SEEN them .

Posted on 7 February 2010 @ 1:42 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Calico. I was raised in a family where the men seemed to die out fairly young and leave the women alone to fend for themselves. I was raised amongst some very strong willed and capable women. My grandmother ran our family farm from the fifties until it became too much for her to handle. Even then she leased the land to corporate farmers and handled the business end of all that until her death at age of 92.

As soon as I was old enough to work off the farm I got a job at a grocery store. This was in the mid-seventies. It was on the heels of woman's liberation and at the height of the sexual revolution. At the grocery store women were entrenched in management and once again proved to be as capable as most men. So I was never firmly indoctrinated into the "there there little lady" mind set.

I think I tend to pay more than lip service to acknowledging women as true equals. Woman's parity with men is not a catch up hand out that men have bestowed on women as charity. I have seen women prove themselves again and again and earn their place next to men.

Posted on 7 February 2010 @ 1:55 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

I agree with you on the tiger woods thing. There is not that mental trigger pulled seeing a guy beefed out like that. It shouldn't be different for a woman but it is.

About my women are equal post. I was underfoot with my grandmother and saw her treated ...not shabbily. But a bit second rate. She never said much about it but seeing her ..it was always covert. But apparent to me even as a child. Somehow men thought it was cute. The little lady farmer. I didn't see it as unjust so much as stupid. Here was this woman that other than not having the same upper body strength as a man was sort of coddled. I called it a mind set of "there there little lady". I came away from it with more respect for her and less for anyone stupid enough to treat her as anything but what she was. A farmer.

Posted on 7 February 2010 @ 2:4 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

i know what you say is true, women are capable very much so as equals to men , what i wonder is something more specific and that is if men would accept the objectification of thier sex for thier sons to dwell on on and thier daughters to grow up disrespecting and thier women to masterbate over . :)

Posted on 7 February 2010 @ 2:7 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

well i guess in my mind there is no comparison between a topless woman and a topless man. No way. Neither do i buy into at least in the states, that these women are victims. They chose to make their money this way. In my mind for the ADULT it is a matter of moderation. Same with a woman. I get that i dont get it. I dont think i would be horrified to know my hubby uses it. I would be mad if it was instead of me. Mal

Posted on 7 February 2010 @ 2:9 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

"I think the women that are OK with a guys porn use, still don't understand why we continue to view it when they are ready willing and able to fulfill each and every desire for their guys."

Believe me, when she is ready and willing, I turn the computer off. That screen is not nearly as soft and warm as the real thing. My wife actually likes it when I get myself turned on with pron first. She thinks that we have better sex and it seems the same when she watches.

Posted on 7 February 2010 @ 2:13 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Yes, using porn is not a problem in my opinion. Using it and ignoring ones partner's sexual needs or any other needs is a problem that needs to be address and fixed. There is nothing wrong with men watching porn or women watching porn or reading almost porn novels as long as it doesn't interfere with their relationship. Now the Food Channel is something else. :D However, Giada's show is OK. :) (You probably have to live in the US to understand.)

Posted on 7 February 2010 @ 2:23 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

married lady , im not calling the girls who get paid victims im calling all the girls up and down the country who dont get paid victims ...

would it help if i told you that during one particular relationship my boyfriends porn use was so bad i develpoed anorexia and almost killed myself , i even passed out in my exams and failed my first round of A levels due to malnutrition.

as i say i think porn has a place but i think that place, and back when i had my trun that place was in tact i just needed a better boyfriend, but now i am struggling to convince my sons that women are more tham boobs and i worry for my younger female family members who are exposed to it by non choice

Posted on 7 February 2010 @ 2:32 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

troubled im sure youve heard of gorden ramsey, a cook as you disaprove but rips his shirt ff at the start of every show.

tut tut lol

Posted on 7 February 2010 @ 2:35 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

I was meaning when a guy uses porn in a woman's absence. Like if he has a day off and his wife works and he watches some and tosses one off knowing his wife will be home later.

Sorry about me digressing into the formation of my views of women as peers. But I think the climate of women being objectified and somehow not as entitled as a man to enjoy a robust sex life is connected to the all around treatment of women as second class citizens. In and out of the bedroom. I don't think a guy that spends all day calling women stupid bitches can shut it off and go home and treat his wife as an equal in the sack.

Posted on 7 February 2010 @ 2:38 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

i agree. And im not speaking from experience. In truth i cant know how i would feel. But i know that its only been in the last year that i am becoming more open even to the idea of porn having a place at all. I have very mixed feelings. Carry on, i will be quiet and listen. Mal

Posted on 7 February 2010 @ 2:40 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

i think that the sexual climate is still very much in a mans favour sompared to a womans , and this is not something that can be compared to the working climate, althought there is still room for improvement there.

Posted on 7 February 2010 @ 2:41 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

*compared

Posted on 7 February 2010 @ 2:42 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

If a woman would buy a picture of me...pay me money ..... cash money....for a picture of me naked. Whether it was to masturbate with or to put under the sink to rid her kitchen of household pests.

I would let them photograph me with a lit roman candle hanging out of my ass, surrounded by a gang of nuns armed with fire extinguishers ready to put me out if I burst into flames.

Posted on 7 February 2010 @ 2:53 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

I am not comparing them as much as saying they go hand in hand. You can't give a person equality selectively. If you look down on someone in one arena you look down on them in all.

Posted on 7 February 2010 @ 2:58 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

lol i am a part time fetish model so i cannot disagree what pays the rent is all good, but still that does not adress the fact of those men that have to watch thier women drool over your said pic the moment they open the paper while eating breakfast at the same table as your young uns.

Posted on 7 February 2010 @ 2:58 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

part time fetish model?....Do f'ing tell us more. I absolutely agree with every thing you are saying. Women have to endure a constant barrage of sexually explicit content. And heads snapping when a woman walks past and eyes dropping regularly to catch a glimpse of cleavage.

I don't think that is as wrong as women not getting the same latitude as a man. And that is something you (women) will have to change one man at a time. because I can tell you now. Guys are not going to change.

You think with all my equality monologue I am not completely mesmerized when an attractive woman enters the frame. I said I respect women. I didn't say I was blind and gay.

Posted on 7 February 2010 @ 3:9 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

lol its boring you stand on a stage and try not to cry as a midjit tranny gets off while you parade about lol.

i agree about women needing more equality to a man in general but its not something im venturing my mind into atm as it will explode im sure lol.

one man at a atime is cool but we need to change women before we can get them to change men. its obvious but impossible.

lol i didnt say i was respectful or blind as it happens i am respectful of men i just ask the same regardless of blindness :)

Posted on 7 February 2010 @ 3:16 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Yes, do tell us more Calico. I have been reading Niki Flynn's book. She's a bit on the outer edge though, well, at least before she recently retired.

Ah, showing cleavage. I hate it when a woman is showing half of her boobs and then looks at a guy with a scowl if he so much as glances at her. If you don't want us to look then don't show it. On the other hand, I like the attitude of a woman if she smiles at that same guy and seems to appreciate him liking what he sees, as long as he is not staring and drooling.

Posted on 7 February 2010 @ 3:21 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

troubled i have much cleavage ...i mean to the point wherwe i cant hide it without a good 5 layers i want to wear trendy young fashions as my peers do and if i do. i have a phenomenal amount of cleavage whether i want it or not , i dont want to dress like a nun so what a to do aye ?

well i dont like it when i guy stares, its not like i go staring at the crotches of the genatallly blessed men :P

Posted on 7 February 2010 @ 3:30 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

I'm talking about the women who are showing a lot of skin and/or wearing push-up bras to show even more, not those who are covered, but it is still obvious that they are endowed. If she is wearing low cut tops and push-up bras and showing it off, then expect to get looked at.

If a guy is wearing Speedos at the beach and has an 8 inch dick packed in there then most women are going to look too. If he doesn't like it then he should wear boxer swim shorts.

Posted on 7 February 2010 @ 3:35 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

lol i get you , but the average top looks low cut one me. i guess i could compare it to a sudden speedos trend where all men wear them but if i was a man with a huge dick id be told im asking for glares if a wore one but wouold be out of trend and grampy if i didnt :S

Posted on 7 February 2010 @ 3:40 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

That's true. My wife wears low cut tops, but even with a push-up bra, she doesn't show nearly as much as some women with less low tops than her and a regular bra. She is thin and a 34C. As she says, I can only push up so much. My point is that if she is waring something like that then she doesn't object if a guy looks at her. She expects it is going to happen.

Posted on 7 February 2010 @ 3:46 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Sorry. Can some one get me back up to speed. All I remember is yadda yadda something about I have much cleavage. Next thing I know I was waking up on the floor with a knot on my head and some of my hair and scalp clinging to a corner of the coffee table.

Posted on 7 February 2010 @ 3:48 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

ahh but im a tiny 32ff and i can only expect so much tie down, what im saying is that if i was to wear an average top that your wife wears id be stared at, and i aint dressing like no nun :P

Posted on 7 February 2010 @ 3:50 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

You're the first one who mentioned cleavage.

Posted on 7 February 2010 @ 3:51 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

I meant that q was the first one that mentioned cleavage.

Posted on 7 February 2010 @ 3:52 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

exactly ! lol!

Posted on 7 February 2010 @ 3:58 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Well, Calico, right or wrong, guys like boobies. Some women with big ones like to get looked at, while others think it is insulting. Some wish they were smaller, some wish they were bigger and some are happy the way they are. Sort of like guys and their penises, except it is harder to see how big those are when normally dressed. I see young women, middle aged women and older women who seem to enjoy it when a guy looks at them, as long as it is not leering at them. Others of all ages seem to be insulted by it.

Posted on 7 February 2010 @ 3:59 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

My wife just said that the problem is that women like her who are showing boob get glanced at, while women like you get leered at. I guess she has a point.

Posted on 7 February 2010 @ 4:7 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

i think that she has a point too , noone can describe how humiliating it can be, and as i originaly say i think its the easy objectification of women that makes it the norn, "so the porno shows big boobs, she has big boobs she means sex" mmm i dunno we have strayed a bit , but it would be nice to not have to worry about guys leering :P

Posted on 7 February 2010 @ 4:23 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

my 3 year old grandson was in the grocery store the other day and noticed a well endowed woman who had a lot of cleavage showing. He took a look, his eyes got big and he said, "momma, shes got two bottoms!" Boobs big or small, are eye catchers. As the mother of girls who are above average, they draw attention no matter what they wear. As the mother of boys, i know its normal to like what they see. I think the key is respect. Ive been given looks that made me feel sexy, and i've been given looks that made me feel dirty. I will admit to drooling over a friends screensaver of sweaty firemen...chippendales...and i admire men in the checkout line. mal

Posted on 7 February 2010 @ 5:9 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

...i do try to be respectful...its rude to drool so much that i step on my tongue...come on q and ttm, bring out the speedoth ibe sthorry doth anybody have a bib...?

Posted on 7 February 2010 @ 5:13 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

HI guys. err sorry i missed this one, was replying to tree fetishes.

To be honest I am a very sexual minded man, and love the whole thing. I do look at porn.

However I do feel that it is over exposed and I hate to think of young boys and girls looking at it all long before they are really ready for it.

I actually think its is the real reason we have teen pregnancy issues and that a certain boy decided to start dating a tree.

Posted on 7 February 2010 @ 6:48 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Hi

How did this thread miss me by? Well, I see that it is up for grabs now... so here goes my tuppence and a little more.

Calico, I love the point you raised...the one about young children and the over-exposure. I completely agree. We are upto our front teeth with sex, sex, sex everywhere. During the sexual liberation movement, people wanted to have sex a whole lot, not get someone to video tape it and air it!

Today, it seems as if people are watching others do it, far more than doing it themselves. All vicarious, god knows why.

Back to the debate. I am 25 (well, in two weeks I will be)... and the first time I watched porn was this Nov, after I was dared into it. Yeah, it was a huge turn on, and for the first two weeks I kept revisiting it. But, soon the novelty wore off and I was actually laughing at the antics. Have you noticed how the women have almost the same sex routine? And, men, all bronzed and muscled... For some reason they kept reminding me of rotisserie chicken! And that was the end of my career as a porn viewer. (of course, there are all sorts of sick stuff but, I don't know many).

Objectification of women is indeed a serious issue. When I walk on the streets (and trust me, the most I go for a skin show is a sleeveless tunic)... I hate it when men actually stare... deeply and lick their lips... What can cure something like this? And, then I feel like killing each of them. I really do. At my age, I'd rather be left alone than drooled at...

While my boyfriend (whose fav tv star is Joey, from Friends, btw) was a total porn freak in his teens. But ever since we got together, he gave it up on his own! Can't explain it.(and i am wholly indifferent to it)

But, respecting women I think has little to do with watching porn. In my opinion, men have always had this image of "fair game" and "ladies to be respected". Why? I don't know, but I don't know a single man free from this notion. And only a fool would take all that to be real. If he does, he will waste a big chunk of his life, so, I think that that is punishment enough.

What worries me about the whole porn scenario, is that the younger generation is very rapidly shifting their values and role models. Superficiality is becoming lauded and sexual (instant) gratification is displacing love. All the obsession with sex and image and cosmetic surgery and yes, promiscuity...

I don't think that porn in itself is dangerous, when one takes it lightly.

As for the whole male female thing... if men are demanding bigger breasts, then women too want the men to have harder abs ... not to mention erections!

(and TTM, Q will bring cleavage into a discussion such as these...lol)

Posted on 7 February 2010 @ 9:9 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

I reread the cleavage bit. I do enjoy being a woman and no matter how imperfect... but I love my body and I enjoy being appreciated. (where would I be if I didn't!)...It is more the way one appreciates it, than why is he appreciating it sort of thing! And, the fact that I am being objectified never comes in my mind. If it is someone you walk-by staring at you, well, who cares... poor man, perhaps my body was the only high point of his day (I chalk it up as charity) and if it is someone I know, the man will soon get a piece of my mind and will revise his opinion of women as an object immediately.

Posted on 7 February 2010 @ 9:16 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Men are what they are. And what are... at least sexually is unbridled ID. And I think most women wouldn't have us any other way. As long as we can admire a woman's qualities without our eyes popping out of our heads, women should probably get over it.

If you want to change men in a meaningful way you guys need to work on us giving you the same latitude at being unbridled as we enjoy. No more freaking out when a guy finds out the real number of men his significant other has racked up. Men that ogle women need to accept it as a compliment when our significant other turns a head.

Katyayni tells of her initial attraction to porn and how is quickly grew farcical. The same ripped guys and the same overstuffed boob sockets and pumpkin ass women. That illustrates the dichotomy between the sexes. What she pointed out as boring and repetitious was what guys keep returning to. Maybe not the ripped guys but you get my drift.

This will sound lame but I don't think you will ever get guys to not look at a woman's breast. They are like eye magnets. I think the harder a guy tries to avoid looking the more we doom ourselves to failure. And butts and curves and legs and pretty smiles and women who light up a room when they walk into it. And you just about all do. You should embrace this facet of men. Love us because we love y'all so much.

Just don't accept the cheap side of it. Leering is what it was described as. Don't let a guy leer at you, but don't condemn him for doing a double take. And demand the same latitude from us. Settle for nothing less.

Posted on 7 February 2010 @ 11:40 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

exactly. I am a conservative dresser. But honestly i love noticing that men take second looks. In my case i think it has to do with a smile and who i am as much as my looks which are average. I would venture to say that all who have answered this thread are very sexual beings. Aware of and enjoy their own sexuality. I think it is only when we are comfortable with who we are and what we have, that we are liberated. We have two different issues here. I think all agree about the children. And i think we agree that as sexual people we are enticed and aroused visually. I think we have to agree that there is no equality between the male and female. We are just wired different. I am tired of the overexposure. I get weary with the 13 year olds asking how to do anal. But as an adult, i love our differences. Crack and cleavage dont do it for me...but a snug pair of levis ...and the whiff of cologne and im gone. :)

Posted on 7 February 2010 @ 14:25 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Q, that was extremely well put. To quote one of my favorite ladies, "one can never learn what exactly it is to be a woman, until one has been with a man". I discover this to be true. With each of my ex-men, I have discovered a whole new facet of my femininity and learnt to be comfortable with it. Perhaps it is because of men (to a large extent) that I do indeed love my body. Yeah, men appreciate breasts and feet and hair and what not. And please go on doing so. Since I, personally, am yet to discover something as confidence-enhancing as a man passing out a compliment! (yeah, I like it when I win an award for writing a short film etc... but for some reason being called hot satisfies me more! Perhaps because my own femininity is still a bit of a novelty).

I don't think that women in general will have any issues with their men watching porn if they are comfy and at peace with themselves and haven't had any past issues pertaining men and porn.

I can't even identify with the feeling, actually. Because I know that I'm real, and because I have a whole lot more to offer... that includes warmth and affection... and if anyone thinks that that doesn't count a lot with men... well, they better revise that thought.

And, yeah, Mal, there is little similarity on how men and women handle things. And given that, I think that we should thank men who have posted here for helping us see their side of it too.

I mean, imagine how a thread with men discussing the women's habits of discussing every itty-bitty detail about their dates to death, or about our shopping sprees or various other stuff.

Am I trying to say that the love of porn is only a male idiosyncrasy or an indulgence if you will? Maybe. But in all fairness, I am yet to find a credible, 'free', porn site for women.

Posted on 7 February 2010 @ 15:48 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

That Kat leads me to a question I never knew I wanted to ask until now. What would porn for women constitute? Women on women. Two guy's? Or would it be something with more of a plot. And I am not talking about a woman form tackling the guy cleaning the pool or dropping to her knees when she gets a pizza delivered to her house. Maybe like 45 minutes of abbreviated and concentrated harlequin chick flick followed by??????

Kat. Look up the word harlequin. It's dictionary meaning sounds something like an evil clown out of a Stephan King movie.

Posted on 7 February 2010 @ 16:15 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

For me, porn for women would consist of something out of Mills& Boon or Harlequin romance novels. Have you read about men in those????

I read one story in which a man lost his memory and while he remembered all the details about his work and property, he didn't remember a single bad habit of his. Now, that is amnesia I can take. Perhaps a portrayal of that with some clever lines (and I mean really clever ones) thrown in, less of the muscles and more believe-ablity.. will do it for me.

I did look up the meaning. It led me to believe that Harlequin is a sort of pantomime... comic act. And, also there is the story bit about the romance of Harlequin and Columbine. Or are you making a reference to the wearing of masks?

Posted on 7 February 2010 @ 16:34 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

I don't know what the women would want, but I would think that they might like seeing 15 minutes of the guy giving the woman oral and her having an orgasm or 2 or 3 that way instead of her instantly giving the guy oral for 15 minutes and then getting screwed in 6 different uncomfortable positions and then getting a face full of cum. Perhaps some cuddling and him running a feather all over her body and then kissing her all over. Hey, I'm a guy and I do get turned on by her trying to swallow an 8 inch dick, but it gets old even for a guy. I would love to see porn that is more like what a normal couple might do in bed, with foreplay and some affection as part of it. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to entirely get rid of the typical for male porn, but it would be great for some realistic sex for my wife and I to watch together, even though she likes most of the typical porn.

Posted on 7 February 2010 @ 16:42 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

TTM!

You are a total revelation.

Oral and feather and cuddling? Wow!

How about he sends her a sweet note saying that it was heavenly. With a whole lot of flattery thrown in. Again, creative ones.

I admit, I am a sucker for flattery.

Posted on 7 February 2010 @ 16:49 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

No ...no hidden reference to masks. It is interesting to see the actual definition next to what people would have believed. Ask 20 people what they think the definition is and see what kind of answers you get.

TTM did you notice Kat's description of porn for women didn't have one word about actual sex in it. It was all about some guy getting bonked in the head and zzzzzzzzzzz cricket cricket cricket cricket cricket cricket cricket cricket cricket cricket cricket cricket cricket cricket cricket cricket cricket cricket cricket cricket cricket cricket cricket cricket cricket cricket cricket cricket cricket cricket cricket cricket

Posted on 7 February 2010 @ 16:58 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

TTM you want sex more like real couples. I like to get my wife up on all fours. After about 90 seconds we roll over on our sides and go at it about another 90 seconds. I call this the lazy dog. This is followed by eight hours of catatonic snoozing.

Posted on 7 February 2010 @ 17:4 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

You're right. How can it be porn without sex?

I just had an idea for porn. How about tree porn? Perhaps a nice strong and tall hardwood with a cute pussy willow.

Posted on 7 February 2010 @ 17:5 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

lmao, i agree q.

I feel girl porn would about half the time end with them just cuddling and talking about feelings

Posted on 7 February 2010 @ 17:7 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Nah...

I didn't mention the sex bit, coz of course how can there be porn without sex? And I thought that that was too obvious.

Ten minutes I am away and the discussion is gone to the dogs! (wink)

No, trust me, I don't think that we'd like talking about our feelings as much as the world would like us to believe.

Q, I was only pointing out the element of ridiculousness inherent in both guy and girl porn...or even tree porn.

As for the ideas...

Well, I like blind folded.. and sex with focus on sensuality. No anatomicals details served upfront, but more of a soothing note to the set-up.

Girl on girl, guy on guy or tree on tree... I don't know. I haven't had too much exposure to either porn or sex so far. So, don't judge the females on the basis of one novice!

(and I detest cricket)

Posted on 7 February 2010 @ 17:22 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Feelings...nothing more than feelingsssss.

When I have you pinned down to the floor

and your head wedged in the door

whoa whoa whoa feelings

Posted on 7 February 2010 @ 17:24 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

I get women wanting more of a involved script. How about this.

Hello there lonely woman out hitchhiking. Would you like a ride?

Yes oh kind sir.

Here ride this... ung!!! ah!!!

Posted on 7 February 2010 @ 17:28 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

i hate it when the guy talks during porn, or when the shot is of his stupid face

Posted on 7 February 2010 @ 17:32 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

NO talking about feelings Q. But, hell,a woman has the right to a compliment as much as a man wants to hear her rave about his 'thing'.

As for the plot you've etched out... well, it pretty much seems like the fare for men.

Not a fuckfest guys, lets have some romance and tenderness back in the sack!

(definitely no feelings. The last thing a woman wants is that in someone she only wants to have a romp in the sheets with).

BTW, where are all the women now? Ladies, come out come out!

Posted on 7 February 2010 @ 17:58 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

The ladies are off to one side clucking about the fowl mouth men exhibiting extreme disrespect for women. I think that rather than forbidding men to poke fun at things and taking offense at it, a truly liberated woman will appreciate the humor and get down in the mud with us. Exhibit A. Katyayni.

Posted on 7 February 2010 @ 18:6 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

The thing that I hate about porn is all the fake talking and moaning. That is why I like amateur porn the best. It is much closer to real sex than the professional porn.

Posted on 7 February 2010 @ 18:11 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Absolutely. There is a name for it. Raw dog? Or commando? Just a regular chick and a regular guy.

Posted on 7 February 2010 @ 18:15 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Professional porn still feels the need to throw in some lame pretense of plot. A woman on a job interview or a teacher scolding a student. It just wastes time until we get down to the missile launch.

Posted on 7 February 2010 @ 18:17 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

I've only seen the clippings of a few pro porns and really, after I got over the embarrassment, I laughed.

Yeah, amateur porn was good for a while... until I saw a Japanese guy, very obviously trying to get some egotistical kick out of his girlfriend's pleasure. If it was money, I'd have an easier time accepting it, but then it appeared as though he was gathering proof so he could brag!

What a turn off.

Hey, why do men brag about their sexploits to all and sundry?

Posted on 7 February 2010 @ 18:24 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

When they try to act then the acting is terrible and so fake. In the amateur porn, the people just go at it. I mean, has your wife ever repeated 50 times in 5 minutes, "F*** me harder. F*** me harder." I mean, common, really. Just do it and shut up. OK, some soft moans are fine.

Posted on 7 February 2010 @ 18:25 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

But Kat. Porn is like selecting a song on a juke box. If you plug in your money and play a song you don't like do you say that you liked music until I accidentally played some Micheal Bolton and it put me off music for ever. OK Micheal Bolton might.... but you get my point.

Ok folks here it is. Pornhub.com This is the center of the free porn universe to me. Pages and pages of thumbnails of just about anything you might like. It's free... but if it is something that really blows your skirt up you can download it to your hard drive for a fee.

Posted on 7 February 2010 @ 18:33 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Moans and sighs in real life are also very welcome. It just makes one feel so powerful. And specially for a woman. We have been conditioned (in various degrees) throughout our lives to view sex through a whole spectrum of emotions and doubts... and then to realize that you can actually have a man so at your mercy, while risking the same of yourself... it is very powerful. And also, it makes one feel so proud of being a woman too. And it makes me feel beautiful, right to my core.

There is nothing more honest than that, or so void of pretense. (yeah, put that in the porn for women too).

Yeah, keep the soft moans coming and the sleazy lines out!

psst...TTM, I think that you are going to be a good supporter/visitor of porn for women, methinks!

Posted on 7 February 2010 @ 18:34 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Oh, Q, remember, you'd PMed me Pornhub's best offering's url once?

Of course I have been passing it off to anyone who wants. *wink*

Posted on 7 February 2010 @ 18:36 (London time) - permalink
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Tisha-1Tisha-1, posted over a year ago

You guys are coming at this from the male perspective with regards to 'porn'. Let me reframe the discussion and talk about 'erotica'. What is 'erotica'? For the purposes of this discusson, I intend it to refer to the sensual imagery or prose or even poetry that expresses the sexuality of women. The thing is, many women are not hardwired for instant visual arousal. Yes, we like to look at handsome men and yes we enjoy seeing them naked. But for the most part, we don't drive hours out of our way or fork over hundreds of dollars to see naked men dancing. (I'd like to think it's because we have more sense than men, but I think it's just that that type of display doesn't arouse our lust in the same way that other erotica does.) If you guys paid any attention at all, you'd be getting laid right and left, we're not hard to figure out. We're probably just more work than most men want to put in. I think the problem with mainstream porn is that it makes men lazy and gives women the idea that all they have to do is show up, look good and open wide.

If you men paid attention to those chick flicks you like to laugh at, you'd realize that you could be tapping into a woman's sensual, sexual drive. Greatest love scenes of all time? Rhett carrying Scarlett up those stairs. Johnny dancing with Baby on their knees in that Catskills hotel. Ellen Barkin in that shirt with Dennis Quaid in The Big Easy, the part where you never see either of them nekkid.

Give us the idea that you connect with us on the deepest level, that you love us with all our flaws and quirks, that we are deeply wanted, you'll have us all over you like a duck on a June bug.

I find most mainstream porn dreadfully dull. It's the same ol', same ol'. Yawn. Now give me a character-driven story with real heat, now you're talking.

I realize that men find mainstream porn very arousing and I have never told a grown man that he cannot watch what he pleases. It has nothing to do with me and unless it is criminal, I don't particularly care. But men, you have to understand, there's a reason why they have to pay women to do some of these things. I'd say most of us don't find the thought of gangbangs or facial shots or basically acting as a sperm receptacle arousing. We want to be loved and desired, stroked and held, we want to feel emotionally connected to our man. Not every woman and not all the time, mind you, there is a very good place for a good fast and furious encounter, but we don't want to feel that we're acting in the mainstream porn film all the time.

The problem for women as I see it is that in popular culture, women appear to be valued only if they are young, hot and with a certain size bust line. Once a woman is beyond a certain age, or is larger than society deems acceptable, she becomes invisible and undervalued. This then is exacerbated by these lad mags that basically reduce women to visual eye candy only--that's the message that I worry our girls and our boys absorb and take to heart. That women are important only if they are sexy, and sexy in a certain visual way.

I hate to give Q any more help with women, as he clearly does not need it! Nor does TTM, nor do many of the men who write here. But for the ones whose wives aren't interested in sex anymore, I expect that their wives aren't interested in the man's idea of sex all the time. And yes, a good love scene can certainly end with a massage and a cuddle, god that sounds wonderful to a woman who has been working hard all day, just as good as a blowjob for a guy who has been working hard all day himself.

If we all spent a little time understanding ourselves and the partner we are with, and less time denigrating they way the opposite sex goes about things, we'd have a whole lot less traffic here at dear old DearCupid.

Viva la difference!

Posted on 7 February 2010 @ 18:38 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Why don't you go there and open some up. I dare you. Go right now. We'll wait here.

Porn is not some be all end all for me. I don't sit around and watch it and critique it in my spare time. I will just sort of look at some just to sort of cut the boredom some. In no time I am engulfed in horniness.

I dare you. Right now... click over there. If you can spend a couple of minutes there and open a thumbnail or two and can come back and say ho hum... yawn! .......just doesn't do it for me then fine.

You are not included in this number but most women that denounce porn have never watched it. They will say... I don't need to watch it to know it is offensive.

Yes but you need to watch it to understand the visceral depth it can tap into a person's libido.

Posted on 7 February 2010 @ 18:47 (London time) - permalink
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Tisha-1Tisha-1, posted over a year ago

I have no problem opening it up and looking, and I didn't mean to imply that it NEVER does anything for me. That's not what I was getting at. It's just that at this moment my brain has other stuff going on and it's just not on the cards for the day. I'm not challenging that porn doesn't have a visceral appeal to people. I'm just suggesting that you are trying to sell something to people who prefer a different approach.

I have snow shoveling to do and food to prepare for this evening. And right now, I'm honestly not that interested. I will however, have a chick flick on in the background. And there you have the female brain at work. Meanwhile, none of the men are posting because they are lost in pornhub land! Hahaha!

Posted on 7 February 2010 @ 18:56 (London time) - permalink
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Tisha-1Tisha-1, posted over a year ago

I get that porn works for men and what I'm trying to get you guys to see is that erotica is what works for women. We don't need to be told that men like it and we should too. You need to hear that we like different things and it would be nice if you joined us here in womenbrain land from time to time, just as you expect us to join you over in manbrain land.

Posted on 7 February 2010 @ 18:59 (London time) - permalink
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Tisha-1Tisha-1, posted over a year ago

And Q, this isn't aimed at you, you are definitely one of the guys who totally tries to understand women, and succeeds virtually all of the time.

Posted on 7 February 2010 @ 19:0 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Ah Tisha. I agree with everything you say. With chick flicks they are the media that men love to hate.

I regularly allow myself to be dragged to see or rent them. My problem with chick flicks is that towards the end something always gets caught in my eye and I must leave the room. Lest the women present think I am tearing up and have become emotionally involved.

But horny is something they don't make me.

I am not a big fan of car crashes and kick ass chop chop movies either. Really chick flicks sci fi, and detective/murder mysteries are about all I will watch.

I understand that there are men that are emotionally distant in a relationship. I don't get it and can't explain it about men. How can a man remain unconnected with the person that he is sharing his life with. If I could answer that one I guess I could write a book and retire.

Posted on 7 February 2010 @ 19:3 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

I think that men and women should accept that we all have our own preference in 'turn-ons'.

Whatever works for whom. that is why we are discussing here in the first place. I adore chick flicks. But I got totally turned-on by watching Transporter and movies of the same genre.

But, yeah...when I mentioned sensuality, Erotica was what I was driving at. Though, a chick flick doesn't work for me to that level. And yes, women are less visual, compared to men at least.

Hey, Tisha welcome to the discussion. I was feeling a bit testosteroned out here... what with Q and Ing and TTM...

Posted on 7 February 2010 @ 19:3 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Sorry Tisha, that specific comment was for Kat. I get a bit myopic here and forget any body and every body may be looking on. How ya been schweetie? Long time no talk to.

Posted on 7 February 2010 @ 19:5 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

I knew it!

Why so Q? Did I say that I am totally anti it? But, really, I did open and well... after a while I went on to different things.

That is how it is. I will outgrow it of course, no doubt.

Posted on 7 February 2010 @ 19:9 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

I have said the following things many times in answering questions here.

If the guy is good then the woman will most likely be good in bed. If he takes the time to get her in the mood long before getting into bed, takes the time to discover what she likes and what it takes to make sure that she has an orgasm or 2 or 3 and likes the sex, then the woman will most likely be good in bed. He doesn't have to be the greatest lover in the world. He just has to care about what she likes and try to make her happy with their sex life. Then the woman will most like be good in bed and want to make sure that he is enjoying the sex. Based on my wife's experience from many years ago, she has said that most guys seem to think that the woman should be happy if he just sticks his dick in her. Most don't really care if she is enjoying it or try to find out what she wants. And most have no idea what it is like to just cuddle after sex or even with no sex that night. Now I don't know if it is any different now or if my wife just slept with the wrong guys, but that is her experience with at least 75% of the guys who she slept with. They were mostly nice guys, but just didn't care if she was enjoying it. Hey, I know that men can be that way, as that is how I was with my first wife. No wonder neither of us was very good in bed.

Now I really don't know about chick flicks. I don't think that my wife has ever watched one, at least since we have been together. To tell you the truth, we both like action and sci-fi movies.

Now some women do like porn. Not normally as often as men like to watch, but they still like it. With my wife, gangbangs and oversized dicks are not a turn-on, nor are fake 36HHH boobs. However, she does like a lot of what I like, including facials and swallowing. Even some women can enjoy the same porn as men do. As with me, she likes the amateurs and not the pros so much. I think that there there are women who like a bit of the somewhat kinky stuff in porn. Perhaps it is better when she is actually happy with her sex life.

I think that women are still desirable as they get older. As a guy who I knew many years ago once said to me, "One good part of getting older is that more women look good to you." So a 60+ year old like me has the entire range up to my age and even beyond to think of as attractive. Yes, it is true that a 25 year old guy will not be interested in looking at a 60 year old porn star, even one in good shape, but that doesn't mean that a 50+ year old guy won't. The desirable range just expands. I have seen 30 year old men look at my wife and she is twice their age. Now they might not want to date her, but they don't mind looking.

Posted on 7 February 2010 @ 19:17 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

No Kat. Like Tisha said. Women are not near as intensely visually stimulated as men are. Which is really kind of sad. Women want to offer it up as a sign of being more highly evolved.

Which is probably true. But I never want to be so disconnected from my libido that I have to send it a formal RSVP invitation and wait around for it to show up.

Posted on 7 February 2010 @ 19:32 (London time) - permalink
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Tisha-1Tisha-1, posted over a year ago

Ah, TTM, you're one of the guys who tries too. But you've just illustrated my point about the the value of a woman diminishing by completely missing it. A woman's worth shouldn't be determind by whether or not she is considered 'bangable' by x number of guys, multiplied by a factor of y age. She should be considered for more than merely her appearance and if a 25 year old wants to bang her. That's the point that calico is trying to make--that the mags being in everyone's face all the time drives home the notion that a woman is only worthwhile if she's hot. Even the women's mags like Cosmo are complicit in this message. It would be nice to be able to go to the supermarket without having sexually explicit stuff right there at kiddie eye level.

Posted on 7 February 2010 @ 19:37 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Just because women aren't sensual, doesn't mean that our libidos have taken the week off or something.

But, then we don't get aroused by a sight of the naked chest either. We do, but not for more than a second or so. And well, it takes men all of 30sec to achieve a state of arousal, and 30mins (avg) for women...so, by the time we turn to take a second look, the logic has returned! Lol.

No, I was only talking of myself, and any generalizations would be useless, right. Besides Q, you know very well what works for women. We like respect and affection and genuine warmth. And thank god that we do.

Can you imagine what a life it would be for men, if all women started lusting for mere visual stimulation and nothing else???

Posted on 7 February 2010 @ 19:42 (London time) - permalink
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Tisha-1Tisha-1, posted over a year ago

Oh lord, Kat, that last question will have the men lost in fantasy-land. I can hear the porn film "script" being banged out right now. Pun intended.

Posted on 7 February 2010 @ 19:44 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

OOps... I am sleepy! I typed sensual when i meant visual. Anyone who is paying attention, substitute sensual in the first line with "visual".

And will call it a day now! Good night (it is 1.30 am here in Kathmandu)

Posted on 7 February 2010 @ 19:45 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Tisha, when they realize the pressures of looking bangable all the time, by every single woman in the world (as it would be if women too become as visual as men)... and given all the hang-ups and what not...

You think they'd want to come out of their fantasy-land?

Posted on 7 February 2010 @ 19:49 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Tisha, like it or not, the first thing that a guy notices in a woman is her appearance. I agree that there is a lot more to a person than just appearance, but most any man or woman will initially choose the person who is attractive over the one who is less attractive, at least until they get to know a person. I saw that in both men and woman when I was in my 30s and went out to bars with male friends or even at work where people could see the personalities of different people. And I have seen that with women as much as I have seen it with men. I don't believe that any woman would rather date a guy who is out of shape then she would a guy who takes care of his appearance, assuming they are approximately equal in other aspects.

That does not mean that a person cannot continue to love someone who lets themself go or love a person who they grow old with, but it does make a difference when meeting someone. If there are 2 men approaching 2 woman, then the better looking of the guys will try to make sure that he gets with the better looking woman. I have also seen that when 2 woman are approaching 2 guys who they don't know. It is not just a male thing.

Posted on 7 February 2010 @ 19:51 (London time) - permalink
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Tisha-1Tisha-1, posted over a year ago

Kat, that's brilliant! I love it. But most of them would think it's only about the size of their penis.

Imagine if they had to worry about their pot-bellies, and bald spots and their complexion and having firm behinds... oh, I see where you're going with that. I love it!

Posted on 7 February 2010 @ 19:51 (London time) - permalink
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Tisha-1Tisha-1, posted over a year ago

And TTM, everyone is judged on their appearance, absolutely. Do you see the point of the overly sexual images reinforcing to our youngsters that a woman's only value is in looking hot?

Posted on 7 February 2010 @ 19:54 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

And, given their raging libidos... well, you see the sort of fix they might end up in?

Posted on 7 February 2010 @ 19:55 (London time) - permalink
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Tisha-1Tisha-1, posted over a year ago

Oh, Kat, I'm enjoying my little fantasy now. Thank you for that. :D

TTM, sorry, I clearly am not making myself clear here. I'm not talking about whether or not appearance is important. It is, because that is the first way that people encounter you and form an opinion, like it or not. So I fully agree with you on that score.

My point goes to calico's initial discussion about the ubiquitous, sexually explicit depictions of females everywhere. This is a problem not so much for adults who have solid egos and are comfortable with themselves and their place in the world, but moreso for the tweens and teens who are growing up surrounded by this imagery. Enough of it around them, and the girls might begin to believe that their value lies not in their brains or their accomplishments but in their looks, and how many guys want to bang them. That they have to be sexual, have sex or do oral sex or anal sex or whatever, long before they are really ready, because that is how women are valued, for being sexy. You wind up with a generation of young women who have had sex with multiple partners because that's not perceived as a bad thing, like it was in the old days. Imagine how many of these young women will be surprised to find that they are considered sluts and that they will be judged by their pasts at some point. Because of the easy availability of all this sexual imagery, out there, telling them that they're invisible unless they are 'hot.'

Posted on 7 February 2010 @ 20:21 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Yes, I do see the problem with that, but that is not what this thread has morphed into. It has morphed into a thread about porn and appearance and looking sexy and that is what I thought the discussion was all about now.

I also eluded to the fact that men have to make sure that they look good if they want to attract the attractive women who they might desire. I knew woman years ago, including my wife, who would avoid guys who were fat or dressed shabbily or didn't seem to care about their appearance.

Well, time for a nice dinner. No chick flicks, no action movies, no sci-fi, no news or TV. Just soft music and the 2 of us trying to look good for the other.

Posted on 7 February 2010 @ 20:22 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Yes, TTM, we all need some degree of visual stimulation. That is undeniable. But, then the visibility and the frequency and all the implications and the hang-ups it leads to. Taking porn seriously is far more dangerous to men than it is to women. Sure, we women will get insecure and decide to get under the knife or some crazy diet. Btu then there are women all across the world very vocal and vehement in their opposition of it.

But if a man makes the mistake of taking the whole objectification and pornstar image of a women seriously, he will perhaps search for happiness throughout his life in all the wrong places. Do men often realize that they are being conditioned to sell themselves short? Every man deserves the love of one good woman. And, while the continuity strengthens the society and all the values etc... it also teaches a man to value himself more, and to appreciate life and be open to it more.

I believe that a women need men to teach them what it truly is like to be a woman. And vice versa. If men spend their life in search of bangable women, all they will learn that they have functional dicks. What about their entire identity as a man?

If stability, security and affection is important to a woman, then men aren't wholly immune to it either! The love of a strong and deserving woman works wonders for a man too.

So, yes, looks are important. But remember we all have our own definitions of that. Presentability yes, but a visual viagra...no!

Posted on 7 February 2010 @ 20:27 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

You are most welcome Tisha. Thank you for giving me the word 'bangable'. ; )

Posted on 7 February 2010 @ 20:30 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

ive just made it in and read this. I am enjoying it...nice to have intelligent debate going on with no flames. There have been some very good thought provoking things said. Mal

Posted on 7 February 2010 @ 21:23 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

OK you guys think it's a virtue to take 30 minutes to make it happen. And we take 30 seconds. If my math is correct we can be ready for 60 encounters to a woman's one time.

I think I loooove being a guy.

I

Posted on 8 February 2010 @ 2:43 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

I wonder what happened to calico58? She started this thread. I don't think it went where she intended. Calico could you come back on and redirect?

Posted on 8 February 2010 @ 2:51 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

And Kat ..the word bangable is no longer in. I have declared the new version to be bang worthy.

Posted on 8 February 2010 @ 2:56 (London time) - permalink
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curious0hotcurious0hot, posted over a year ago

[opinion, w00]

"...if your girlfriend or wife used explicit pornographic images or videos of impossibly gorgeous hunky men to masturbate* over on a daily basis?"

Wow, a daily basis. I think that's definitely an issue. But, some people come to accept sub-par sex lives. There are even books that teach self-satisfaction and pre-sex preps for people with insufficient (or no) partners. Blarg @ settling.

I, personally, wouldn't want my boyfriend watching porn when he has me; especially not to the extent where I notice he is doing it. I guess I just feel like it should sex masturbating, not the other way around, lol.

"...if you would mind men being objectified* to your women making them drool every time they open the door, in magazine shelves and bilboards and newspapers and on tv etc."

If only sex didn't sell.

"i think the uk is one of the worst countries for "downgrading and displaying " porn! i even thought to move to canada..."

Canada is pretty bad too! Whenever we would go there, we have to cover the kid's eyes on at least few streets because of sexual posters/billboards. They are a lot more uh... 'liberal' than the United States.

[/opinion, w00]

Posted on 8 February 2010 @ 3:53 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

hi there ,

what on earth have i started!!!!! lol!

sorry q i realised that i should log off for a couple of days to resume the housework before environmental health came knocking! lol!

thanks trisha for redirecting lol yes this is exactly my point that it is everywhere and yes as you say this is a big issue for children and teens and shapes thier opinions of themselves but to widen that group i would also say that it is unfair in other peoples faces too such as women who dont want to see it and are actually offended by it , men (albeit rare) who think its degrading or maybe see thier wife mother or sister up there naked for the world to see. but more importantly men who are trying their best to give up porn maybe for thier own sake maybe for religeous reasons and maybe even for thier wife or girlfriend , men who want tomake a genuine attempt to leave pron behind them. i think it is a right to not use porn opr to wiew porn a human right that has been stripped by the sex industry and even the simple media.

i have to say also what i was trying to point out that it is just so unbalanced , when i go in a garage all i see on the magazine racks is pictiures of naked women , there is never ANY pics of naked men , why not ??? it is beyond me , its almost like women are being told sexuality is owned by men and we should covert our sexuality if indeed we are even led to believe we have any at all.

i would like to share also that it dosent take me 30 minutes to be "ready" so to speak :P , it takes me secoonds just as people are saying for men ( maybe as ive allowed myself to accept my sexuality and accept what i find sexy and learn what i find sexy instead of just trying to be that "porno girl" for my man.

i focus on what gets me off and that i think that my man prefers this as he enjoys it more when he sees me enjoying myself iinstead of posing and pouting .

as for porn for women, no way cudsdles and talking and hugs! lol! no no no , the closet ive seen for T&A for women in any film of late is will smith in seven pounds, the feeling good muse scene , i recomend youtubing it its a revelation! but in all out porn id say much the same as mens porn but with men instead of women and those said men doing things that make them look strong and heroic before getting down and dirty. not that id look or need to as i am in a relationship and my man is all i need :P lol!

Posted on 8 February 2010 @ 16:58 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

You see calenders of naked women in garages because it is mostly men there and sex sells when you are selling to men. If women responded in kind, you would see calenders of naked men in beauty salons. If women could be tricked into buying products as easily as men you would be pandered to just as mindlessly.

You guys like the whiff of romance but not sledgehammer nudity. You like the portent of sexuality. A knowing look. A lingering gaze.

Men want to maul. Hamfisted and clumsy.

If we are in love we want the same delicate touch as you. But if it's a one night stand we want to get down to business.

Posted on 8 February 2010 @ 17:26 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

no i dont mean calanders ( ive only seeen these in card shops and to give the card shops thier due they have as many men ones)

i think there is a country language barrier misunderstanding here , i meant by garage what i think in america you call a furl station? like where you top up the car and they always have a shop attached and they sell magazines and bread and other random stuff, i guess i dont just mean fuel station i also mean newsagenst and other such places.

the thing is women could be tricked into buying these things very easily , we aprieciate the male form the same as men aprieciate the female form but unfortunatly the most we get is a rare tour by the chippendales. im not saying i think men should be objectified im saying that niether men or women shouold be but if its gonna happen it should be balanced. like trisha said its reinforcing the idea a girl is nothing without a sexy body or good looks and i have asked a few close male friends who were appalled at the suggestion i gave to them of men being portrayed in the same way, they each looked horrified at the thought of it.

believe me women love nudity, most singles i know go wild over the odd rare explicit image of a man.

and i also can say the same for one night stands if you are aoman you want to do it then kick em out before the sun rises :P

Posted on 8 February 2010 @ 17:37 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

i dont know if anyone else saw an interview by jerry hall, where she was promoting a theatre show and she said that they made a billboard poster for it and in the poster she was fully dressed with men at her feet and the men were objectifed sexually ands half naked . the poster was banned because the men at the top said it objectifed men!!! is this fair ?

men have always been ahead of women and we are always trying to catch up and fight for what they have for ourselves , right now men have reached an all time low with objectifying women on every shop , billboard and tv show everywhere you look, its just i wonder how men would feel if their world was turned on its head and it was men being objectified.

the reactions from the men who banned jerry halls promotional picture and the reaction for the couple of men ive asked personally shows that it would be an unwanted change. i know a couple of people have said here they wouldnt mind. but i do still think its an issue, i read sommin online by a man somewhere about this ill have a perouse see if i can find it and link it :)

Posted on 8 February 2010 @ 17:44 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

this is a really good read and funny , please have a peep if you have time , it made me chuckle and says alot more about my point in a better way that i could possibly ....

http://howtotellifaguyisajerk.blogspot.com/2007/04/objectifying-and-sexualizing-men-my-day.html

Posted on 8 February 2010 @ 17:53 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Im sorry but i dont think I answered the question the first time. I have absolutelt no issue with women looking at men or ogling guys.

What I do have a huge problem with is these guys that lock themselves in a room to masturbate, when they have a loving partner whos being completely neglected and ignored.

That to me is increadibly selfish and I always advise the girl to just go nuts. I could only imagine how low I would feel if she pushed me away and pulled out a vibrator.

Answering posts on this site has really opened my eyes to what life is really like with women and I feel terrible that so many people (men and women) are in horrible relationships.

I am just going to say it: I do not understand women and I probably never will. But I do love you and want you to be happy.

I hope thats worth something

Posted on 8 February 2010 @ 18:24 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

and the few things i have seen made the woman look like a blonde bimbo twit...obviously putting on wth her ..yea wht ttm said earlier...and made the geuy look like some reigning champion, or conquering here. while he and the camera person talked casually about what was happening. sheesh. mal

Posted on 8 February 2010 @ 19:56 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

and...to you guys who have answered on this thread...Q, TTM and hammer, you are the good guys. not all men are able to state their veiws without making us feel degraded. sigh does anyone else miss CW as much as i do?

Posted on 8 February 2010 @ 20:2 (London time) - permalink
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celtic_tigerceltic_tiger, posted over a year ago

Where did he go mal?

Posted on 8 February 2010 @ 20:8 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Yes I thought he was planning on making return guest appearances. Like Barney Fife after he left the Andy Griffith show.

Posted on 8 February 2010 @ 20:10 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

he had some personal issues i think to work on and wanted to take a break for a bit. he emails me but it has been a couple of weeks ..he pops in now and again but was gonna restrict himself until he took care of some neglected things. he thought he was getttin fat and sassy and wanted to spend more time working on that and was spending to much time on the computer. mal

Posted on 8 February 2010 @ 21:25 (London time) - permalink
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