| Lady D-Vyne, posted
over a year ago
Good morning,
Firstly I'd like to say thank you to everybody who's been willing to share their experience in search of advice on this site - I've spent the last 2 weeks in a very emotional state, trying to figure out whether or not I am capable of continuing my relationship with my bf, your comments have been invaluable.
After having read an old thread yesterday I decided to talk to my bf. I am 25, he is 21, his son is 2. One thing I'm happy about is I do not feel this jealousy towards his son that the poor lady in the previous thread does, but this could be because his son is still so young, maybe that will come later..who knows...My bf told me he doesn't expect anything from me, says I can get as involved or not as involved as I want. I told him I was scared of his ex thinking I'm trying to mussle in on her son and play mum when she isn't around, he told me he thinks she will be happy to see me getting involved... he also said it would make him happy to see me getting involved and wanting to get to know his son.
We recently moved into our own place, my bfs son has been over 3 times now, twice I have hid away in my room and cried, last sunday was the first time i've made any effort to interact with him - and it was hard. I've realised after reading everybody's accounts that I need to grow up and accept my bf and my sons relationship and do what ever I can to help them have a good relationship. I'm not a big fan of children, I don't like interacting with them, I don't understand them and really really feel I don't want children of my own at all. My bf and I have such a special, loving connection that I feel like i'd be a mug if I threw away what we have because I can't deal with the fact he has a son. In a way I suppose I am actually a little happy about the situation because my bf has told me he doesnt want any more children... and I do like the idea of watchin him be a good dad without having to change the nappies or give the "sex" talk!
One thing that is playing on my mind alot regarding this situation, and I feel very under pressure, is the fact that my mother is a devout catholic, has been with my dad and only my dad, married at 21, first child at 23. She had a very poor, caged childhood, an abusive father, I know she longs for both of her daughters to raise a family, so she can be grandmother and see us do what she did... and stay at home and play housewife - this is not the life I want and I know that by sticking by my bf who has a son she will always resent me, what I am doing is very against what she believes is right.... my sister also had an abortion a couple of years ago and my mother expressed how she would help my sister take care of the baby if she wanted to change her mind and keep it. My sis felt terrible about going through with it, she knew how disappointed mum was :(, but also knew she wasn't ready for a child.
I feel like I'm being selfish, but its MY life, isn't it?
If my mother had not married my English dad and come to England to raise her family, she may have had the Italian raised daughters she always hoped for... unfortunately as much as she loves us both, we haven't given her what she wanted from 2 daughters.
I don't think she will ever be able to accept that I may become a step-mom. I do secretely hope that one day I may have a change of heart and want a child, then at least I could give something back to my mum :(
I just hope I'm making the right decision in taking on my bf and his son... any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Thankyou,
DVyne
Posted on 11 June 2008 @ 11:32 (London time) - permalink
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pepper27, posted
over a year ago