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Dear Cupid > Forums > Romance > Would this poem win you?

Would this poem win you?

Irojo, posted over a year ago

Hello, first time poster.

I wrote this poem today, and was curious if it would win -you- over. I'm obviously rather scared of giving it to her. I've changed it slightly, removing the name, changing eye color, etc. Just in case. :)

So, tell me what you think, and if you would love to get a poem like this:

Three-syllable-name,

I see your eyes in the unlikeliest of places,

I see your eyes on the most unusual of faces,

The sapphire-blue gems light my heart,

when I see them at each moment’s start.

When the sun is gone, and the day is late,

and people fear their ever growing fate,

your radiant beauty lights the darkest room

and people forget of their coming doom.

The sparkle of your sapphire eyes,

hides the dark harshness of life’s cruel lies

and it sets my heart ablaze,

bringing pleasure to my days.

And the stunning perfection of your sweet lips,

Is the sweetest nectar of which man takes sips,

A pale bright moon made of pure perfection,

your lips are of excellent complexion.

There is a pure white tiara sitting on a shelf

it sparkles, a beautiful object of pure unimaginable wealth,

The tiara becomes a cheerful laugh and then a smile,

it rests amongst your lips, and stays for an unending while.

Since every poem must sadly conclude,

I wish it to end in the loveliest mood,

With all sincerity, and with minimal fuss,

[her name], let I and you become happy us.

Sincerely,

[my name]

----

Thanks for your time!

-Irojo

Posted on 27 September 2009 @ 3:28 (London time) - permalink
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Irojo, posted over a year ago

I can't edit -.-

To fix a confusing line,

Hello, first time poster.

Hello, first time poster here.

Sorry,

Irojo

Posted on 27 September 2009 @ 3:29 (London time) - permalink
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Confuzzled012, posted over a year ago

And the stunning perfection of your sweet lips,

Is the sweetest nectar of which man takes sips,

A pale bright moon made of pure perfection,

your lips are of excellent complexion.

Ok.. you used perfection twice too closely to each other. And the moon thing is a little hazy.. are you saying her lips are pale and bright, like a moon?

And the tiara.. you said it rests on her lips? Tiara go on heads, right?

Other than those, i love it.

Posted on 27 September 2009 @ 5:30 (London time) - permalink
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Confuzzled012, posted over a year ago

OK... i misread the tiara thing..

but its jsut so random.. I don't see where the tiara comparison came from..

You got the rest, saphires, sunset, the moon.. those are all love-related objects, but tiaras are not. I think you should choose something else.. like candles or perfume or roses..

Posted on 27 September 2009 @ 5:33 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

I can write poetry.

I call this

"Poetry V. Pornagaphy"

He sees you everywhere he roams

and he's inspired to write some poems...

But then I think of your hot ass

and nailing you out in the grass...

Not romantic in the least

you've let out my raging beast...

So don't expect romantic shit

Lets just get down to doing it...

You want to know about your eyes?

They're wide open with surprise...

You thought you'd like romantic stuff

but you really seem to like it rough...

So in the grass we do our thing

while loverboy looks for a ring...

To give to you with a nice poem

But I fucked that up and he went home...

To cry about his love for you

While you and I remain to screw...

You will find him when we are done

and you will tell him one on one

Your poem to me is really sweet

But I was swept right off my feet

onto my back in the cool green grass

where my new lover just banged my ass...

So please forgive me just this once

I don't think you are a dunce...

Just misguided and forlorn

All I needed was some porn....

You could had had your way with me

in the grass, under the tree...

But you chose to write your poem instead

while I gave my lover some awesome head...

Now its time to say goodbye

Please don't be sad and please don't cry...

Please don't think you have a hex

You wrote a poem when I wanted sex!

Posted on 27 September 2009 @ 8:31 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

oh my word, i am laughing my head off...you win hands down. Hahahahahaha...q or phil may have something to add...

Posted on 27 September 2009 @ 20:27 (London time) - permalink
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birdynumnums, posted over a year ago

Is this some kind of "Poem Off"? Both were pretty good and the latter was hilarious. We need Phil to wade in here, but I fear a dirty limerick...

Posted on 28 September 2009 @ 1:50 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

I'm afraid I took this poor guy's thread and usurped it for my own evil purposes.

I have been inspired! The word game and poetry,

Lets combine the two and start a new thread.

Instead of words, each person writes one line of an ever expanding poem that goes in whatever direction we want.

What do you all think?

Posted on 28 September 2009 @ 2:24 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

you start and we'll see what happens...

Posted on 28 September 2009 @ 2:34 (London time) - permalink
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Irojo, posted over a year ago

Code warrior,

Your idea is interesting,

It's actually quite entrancing.

Go ahead and make the new thread,

and we'll see if it ends up dead.

Posted on 29 September 2009 @ 2:22 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

you think the code warrior

just wants to mock you

he wants you to see

at the risk that he shocks you

women will tell you

of their sensitive man dream

but it's all just bullshit

about what makes them cream

they say they want poems

and flowers and such

but the trick that will get them

is to smack up that tush

you can be nice

no need to be crude

just don't accept bitchy

vague attitude

you can be nice

and open her door

just make sure she's barking

waxing her ass with the floor

Posted on 29 September 2009 @ 2:44 (London time) - permalink
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