Husband is not happy in marraige

ZeldaMarie, posted over a year ago

I need your help and your prayers. My husband of 31 years had an emotional affair. He has cut off all contact with this person and we are in counseling. He says he loves me and wants to work this out. He says that he feels that he has not been 'happy' in our marraige for over 15 years (news to me) and that he feels that his feelings are slowly coming back. I am confused and hurt. What can I do to help him through this? Do I hang in there or just cut him lose? I really love him and don't want to lose him, but i can feel the distance when we are together, although he does break through at times, but then goes right back into the black hole. HELP!

Posted on 19 November 2009 @ 18:25 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

The first thing is to recommend that you post this question on the main board, as a lot more people will read it there. Go to this page:

http://www.dearcupid.org/

and click on the "Ask for help!" link in the middle of the page near the top.

The second is that you say that he had an emotional affair. I assume that this means no sex was involved and the affair was one more like having a close friend of the opposite sex to bond with and discuss his problems with. It might involve sexual talk and closeness, but no sex. Again, I'm just guessing about this based on one sentence of yours.

If this is the case then you will get a lot of very varied opinions on this type of affair. My wife and I are both of the opinion that it is not a form of cheating if it does not involve sex. We believe that it is done because the person is looking for something that is not present in the marriage - a closeness that is missing. It might also be because they need someone to discuss their problems with and are unable to do it with their spouse for some reason. Others think the opposite of what we do. If you choose to ask your question on the main board, it would be helpful to elaborate a bit more on the type of affair that it was.

Even though we do not consider it cheating, we do recognize that it is a sign of a problem in the marriage that needs to be addressed and fixed.

Posted on 20 November 2009 @ 17:45 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Just another thought. Going back into his hole indicates that there is a problem in the marriage that he is just very afraid to discuss. It could be a problem with you or it could be a problem with him. The fact that this has bothered him for 15 years is not a good sign. Has the counselor been able to get him to talk about what the problem is? I assume not. If not, it is possible that he cannot say what it is because he is afraid the revelation will hurt you. Without him saying what it is, it is difficult to solve the problem.

Is he depressed? That could indicate various problems that might be physical.

Posted on 20 November 2009 @ 17:55 (London time) - permalink
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