A
male
age
41-50,
*kateko
writes:I dated a lady for 20 months, I got her with one child a son. Her son loved me a lot and now we broke up a month ago and pn the 30th pf june is this boy's birthday. What I will like to be help on is, can I buy this Boy some presents for his birthday or not as I am no longer dating his mom.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2013): If the mother is OK with it then I don't see anything wrong with getting her son a gift. after all, the boy loved you, and even if you and his mom are no longer together, you have nothing against the kid or vice versa so why would it be bad to get him a gift? in fact I think it's so sweet of you, and if I were the mother I would be so touched. (this is of course assuming that this is purely for the child and NOT because you're trying to win back his mother...if I were the mother I'm not sure if I would see it this way.)children can and should have positive relationships with other adults besides their parents and family. For example, many kids come to adore their school teachers or nannies even though these adults are also transient in the kids' lives. In the end, any positive role model in a child's life is a blessing. what IS sad, is for a child to only have his social circle of adults limited to family members because "everyone else is transient". Such kids tend to grow up socially challenged because they have had such limited experience of social interaction.I still remember very fondly one of my mother's ex-boyfriends from when I was a kid. To me, he was simply awesome. And even though he obviously didn't stay in my life after my mom and him broke up, I still have very fond memories of him, I remember him sort of like the cool uncle and I like to tell stories of how he and I would prank my mom and other family members. In fact, the other day I found him on facebook! I don't know if I should send him a friend request, if he will remember me, but sorry I didn't mean to hijack your thread. I'm just saying that, any positive role model in a child's life is a good thing. Keeping that connection is great.
A
male
reader, mkateko +, writes (26 June 2013):
mkateko is verified as being by the original poster of the question thanks guys, you ideas will able me to take a good decision. This boys birthday is very closed also. It is on the 30 june
thanks guy
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (25 June 2013):
 I do not think you should delete pictures.
I also personally am not concerned about OTHER men at this point in the conversation as we are talking about YOU and your relationship to a young boy. Any positive male role models are good for a boy without a dad.
AND later on down the road if the mother meets someone who is threatened by your friendship with her child (if she's not minding then why would others) then perhaps it would be time to re-evaluate or for her to find a more secure mature partner.
My only concern is if you are not going to be around this child on a continuing basis then by all means walk away now and don't get him a gift.
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A
male
reader, mkateko +, writes (25 June 2013):
mkateko is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIamHereToHelpYou I do understand deleting all this you boys pictures but I am not having any differences with him only his mom. Why should I do that all. The truth is I admire this boy.
So Very Confised don't you think being in contact with this little boy might rein his mother's relationship in future. Some man are not secured, one might think that we just uses the child to hide our selfs while not that way.
I think is better to stop contact with his boy but not deleting his pictures, as there are pictures in with I took with him, if ever I has to delete his pictures should I delete my pictures where I am with him
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (25 June 2013):
I'm sorry I don't necessarily agree that he can't have contact with the child. I don't see that it will confuse the child if the mother and the OP are not pretending to be a happy family. Children can accept that there are people in there lives that are not related to them that care about them.
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A
male
reader, mkateko +, writes (25 June 2013):
mkateko is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTom Obler and So Very Confused thanks a lot guys, I really appreciate your input. I only do this just for 1 reason '' to please the boy''.
IamHereToHelpYou thanks to you as well. You are rite it might confuses this little boy, i will try to step back so that I must not confuse him.
Keep it up guys, you are doing a good job. You made me understand this situation better, I was too confused.
I would also like to say thanks to the founder of site as well as all the team which is making it possible for us to access help from others internationally. Some of the things are not easy to discuse with close friends. Thanks guys, thank you very much. Thanks
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (25 June 2013):
A gift for a child is never unwelcome if the intent is to please the child.
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A
male
reader, Tom Obler  +, writes (24 June 2013):
 Hi,
It depends if you have any ulterior motives? Is the gift simply a gift for the child? Or, is the gift an opportunity to get back into contact with his mom? Ask yourself these questions and give an honest answer. If it is to get back with your ex, then I'd say no. thanks.
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A
male
reader, mkateko +, writes (24 June 2013):
mkateko is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks auntyEM, is not like I want her back, I only think of buying him a present as I was too used to him. This boy he also ask his mother to call me he talks to me. AuntyEM I also noted that as soon as she moves on she might cut the bridge of contact between me and this young boy.iamHereToHelpYou thanks to you too, I think it is a better idea, if I buy something not expensive he will see that I hadn't forget about him, it is all about the situation of which is beyond his control. I asked her she said she have no problem with that.I will only be doing this for the for this boy it has nothing of trying to get his mom back. Thank you guys.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (24 June 2013):
 Depends why you broke up. 20 months isn't that long, it isn't like you raised the child and you need to be honest about why you want to buy him birthday gifts...
If it is to somehow win his mother back or to interfere with her life then you should not do it.
If it's really just about the child and you want to give a gift, then why not buy something and get one of your friends to deliver it.
Sooner or later you will have to break contact with the child when his monther moves on, so think carefully before you act.
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