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female
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anonymous
writes:I am in a li situation here! Need some advice! I have been kinda seeing a lad for a while, who is such a nice guy, he's kind, caring and recently told me he loved me (I didn't say it back as I dont feel that way) Only one problem... I come from a family where we kinda 'stick to our own'...meaning that we don't mix race, my family are catholics and he's asian but comes from scotland and does not have a religion, He is known as a muslim and his parents are muslims, but he never seems to bother with the religion side of it. I really like him but I know my family would be disgusted if I mixed with an asian, since 9/11 peoples views on muslims have changed dramatically, mine were, until I met him.What do you think I should do? I do love spending time with him and I do wan to be with him, but my family and friends will be annoyed that I am involved with a muslim? HELP!
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2008): This child should make up her own mind
i have known asian people since i was 15 i have had nothing but good things to say now i have a half cast child i am very proud that my child has both cultures in her life
i learnt about the muslim culture at 15 i have had freind that are muslim since i was 15 and have learnt to respect the muslims and they respect me u judge a person for who they are if we took the time to learn about the muslims then u would know the quran and catholic religion are very similer
no person has the right to take a life i wouldnt be with out my friends or daughter and my family wasnt in to muslims so it was up to me and my friends to show them they were good i say if u care for him ur family will change there mind in time and ive never been converted its chosing your friends right there is bad in all judge he who as not sin'd and translate the quaran it says u cant harm ur self or others extermiset are in every religion and those who chose to only know people who are the same as them selves lose alot, beleive me i know my friends have helped me alot i wouldnt be here to day i know this so this is what i say choose for ur self if u needed to ask this Question he means nothing to u
i lived in a white populated area and i helped change alot of peoples minds i didnt have any doubtes that they were wearth everything i went though and ive raised my daughter to think the same she is proud of who she is and knows both sides she loves having know both sides and is happy at 16 going in sit her exams with the nicest lad i could ever ask her to have as a partner and he is bengali lad so when they are ready to have children not for a few years after collage and unil they will have my grand children who will be whit asian and bengali who ill love and they will know everything people have to change british people have to c and learn to understand not to be scared if u cut us we bleed and they bleed to what is happening to people these day to still think the same way what is it if a white man rapes a child are we all rapist no think about
people y jugde one buy the same thing it doesnt make sence for every bad story there is a good one cant u see im sorry ur family member was hurt but it could have happend if she meet a irish man he could have bet her and keeped her to the house chose a person by there actions
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female
reader, Celinah +, writes (12 March 2008):
well i think that she should go for it because then maybe her family will then realize that she loves him and just because he is asian dosnt mean he is a terrorist,you cannot blame one full religion for those few people that did these bad things,and if there are these IGNORANT people that canot be open minded about things then that is their problem and it iss them that are causing these problems.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2006): Lets stop with the group hug and get real. This is her life you are giving advice on. If you were talking to someone who was going to date someone from a family of alcholics you wouldnt tell her to go into it cautiously or that her family's concerns should be poo-pooed???The fact that all kind of unacceptable behaviour appearently is acceptable to the to the larger Muslim community: a plurality of British Muslims appearent dont believe bin Laden is behind 9/11 http://pewglobal.org/reports/display.php?ReportID=253. Or that someone critizing Islam for being violent should be refuted by killing a nun. Or that its acceptable for Imans to go around probing airline security:http://www.washtimes.com/national/20061128-122902-7522r.htmMy personal interaction with Muslims, pious and non-pious, has been positive. But there is no sense in putting your head in the sand- the unwillingness of Muslims to police the actions of the own members or the endless fatwas against the West gives anyone sufficent pause. I am sympathetic with Islam's umbridge against parts of Western culture, but the way it has been addressed is totally unacceptable and I think that the family is justified to view the boyfriend with suspecion until they learn much more about him and his attitudes.Jumping in a "screwing the consquences" could mean that she find herself living under Sharia law. It would also be sensible for her before she becomes too romantically entangled to determine his attitude about remaining in a non-Muslim country permenantly:http://islam.tc/ask-imam/view.php?q=6964Finally, Timothy McVeigh was not a devoute Catholic and the Oklahoma City bombing killed 168 people not thousands.
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reader, Lostandalone  +, writes (28 November 2006):
 If you care for this man then be with him and your family will soon follow suit.
Now for the Muslim talk and Christian talk and so on and so forth. I am a muslim and my religion teaches me peace. 72% of prisoners all over the world are affiliated to some CHRISTIAN faith!!! Now does that make ever christian a criminal??? Timothy Mcveigh was a devout Catholic and killed thousands in Oklahoma City with a truck filled with explosives. Is every Catholic now subject to ridicule or suspicion. You would think that in this day and age, prejudice would have been winged a little. With all that said I guess I have it really bad. I am a black muslim republican who lives in Texas. Really gotta watch me, RIGHT???
Anon, if this man makes you happy I say go for it and screw the consequences. You only regret the risks you don't take. Good Luck. Allahu Akbar!!!!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2006): And I second Jessamy by saying that he's a Scotsman rather than an Asian, cuz he wasn't born nor raise in Asia now was he? I'm sure ppl shouldn't base it on skin colour either, cuz I know quite a few people of Chinese descent that are more white than many Caucasians I know.
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reader, Jessamy +, writes (27 November 2006):
You described this person as kind and caring. That is what you have to judge him by. It doesn't work to judge a person by their religion. There are so many variations within every religion that it just won't work! Many, many, muslim leaders have condemned the 9/11 attacks, for instance, so you certainly can't accuse all muslims of being supportive of terrorists! I have several friends who are muslim and who are absolutely wonderful people, and who have been some of the greatest friends I have ever had. They have always treated those around them with respect and care. You cannot judge a person by their religion; you can only decide about them once you get to know them. I hope you can bring your parents to understand this, but even if they don't, don't lose the friendship over it.
What concerns me more is that you said your parents would be disgusted that you were 'mixing with an Asian'(By the way, since he's from scotland, you're really mixing with a Scotsman. It really worries me that people in today's world would judge someone by the colour of their skin. That's not right. I am immensely glad that you have met this person and opened your own eyes. Good for you! Don't ever let people's prejudice stop you from meeting and forming friendships with people, whatever their race or culture. Respect your parents, but don't be constriacted by their point of view.
Jesus, by the way, was from the Middle East, and would have been Middle Eastern in appearance, not white. Think on that.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2006):
The anonimity of an advice giver has nothing to do with "courage", or whether the advice is sound. Its possible that "Dr Pete" is also a nom de plume.
The fact remains that it is not unreasonable to treat Islam with some suspecion. Not that any individual cant prove themselves to be alright, but I think he family's wariness is justified.
My advice is to go slowly in the relationship and expect that your families acceptance will also come slowly.
And as soon a the Green Orthodox church starts blowing up airlines you can extend the same cautions to them.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2006): Oh how the anonymous people have such courage in writing, eh?
The so-called western "Christian" world were practicing the same kind of faith intolerance and the exclusion of family when one of their own broke social tradition only 50 years ago. Christianity hasn't evolved as much as the middle-class white person can even possibly comprehend.
Maybe you'll marry a muslim who treats you like a slave, but perhaps you'll meet a good ol white guy who beats you for the rest of your life. Or perhaps you'll just meet a loving, kind, considerable brilliant husband and father to your children, and his colour, religion or race won't even matter to you?
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2006):
Not just since 9/11. Since Madrid, the London subway bombings, numerous beheadings, shoe bombing, Paris car burnings, and the Muhammad cartoon fiacso.
As you can see for surveys of the muslim community, they have not rejected extremism: http://muslimsforasafeamerica.org/?p=48
Frankly at this point your families views are not unjustified. In my view Muslims currently have the burden of proof to show they are part of society not at war with it. If you want to educate your family on what a great guy he is, fine; but dont expect them to break out the streamers at the first meeting.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2006): If you fall in love with a man that your parents disapprove of, then you weigh in the balances of lust, love, unity and progression versus keeping your parents happy. Think about it - you don't date your parents. Your mom and your dad had sex, created you, and their job in your life is to feed you, care for you, help secure your foundations, and guide you through life and NOT control your life.
To be a good daughter or a good son, you just have to care and consider their feelings, be there for them even if they don't ask for it, be good to them, take them out once in awhile, show your appreciation, clean up the house once in awhile, take them grocery shopping, cook dinner for them once in awhile, etc. However, being a good son or daughter doesn't mean you cater to all their wishes.
Yes, you are from a Catholic family. Yes, he is Muslim, but as you said, he doesn't care much about that religious aspect of his culture. What's the problem? Your parents are hardcore Catholics, and probably against any species of the human race outside of being Caucasian. They are also paranoid possibly because of the 9/11 attacks.
Ultimately, it's your life.
And to Mr. Anon below: I take it you've never had a personal experience with Muslims? Yes, you had ONE instance of a friend who had a Muslim treat her badly, made her life a living hell I'm sure. Well, let me tell you that there have been scores of Christians and Catholics that have made me and my friends quite a bit of a stir in this 21st century versus a few of my Muslim, Buddhist, agnostic, and athiest friends and family who haven't.
The thing is Mr. Anon and as pre-modernized as your mind goes, ANY religion/faith can cause disturbance in a person's lifestyle if they take that religion like it was the core of their existence! If people were less likely to follow their religion so hardcore, and more like a philosophy, then there wouldn't be so much strife in this world in the first place.
You speak of post-modern progression and happiness? Thanks to Mr. Bush, the so-called democracy he set in Iraq is a GREAT AND GLORIOUS example of his Christian morals. Think about that Mr. Anon before you pick on Muslims as a whole.
I'm sure there are great people from all faiths, but don't go attacking one entire religion just because of a few bad eggs. This goes for any religion - Christianity, Catholism, Buddhism, Hinduism, Muslim, and so on and so forth.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2006): anon guy, u sound like a total dick. I'm muslim, my girlfriend's buddhist. You think I'm gonna try convert her? Hell no! Its easy to keep spiritual side separate in relationships so long as you know how. Just cos there's some people out there who do that converting crap, doesn't mean they all do! You should realise that before yacking crap.
I'll admit its not gonna be easy till you have your full independance from your family atleast. They usually come around so if he's worth it, stick to him. It totally sucks when someone else dictates how your life should be run (whether its a muslim guy or your family)
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2006): If you want to "wipe the slate clean" on your life prior to meeting your Muslim boyfriend without having any guarantees of what your furure as a Muslim convert will hold, then by all means, go ahead with the relationship. If however you happen to enjoy the freedoms and opportunities that the 21st century offers Christain westerners, then terminate this relationship immediately. I have a Catholic relative who became involved with a Muslim man, and I can testify that her life has become insufferable since forming this relationship. She was a dynamic, independent, intelligent, beautiful, and gifted woman. Now she's completely destroyed as a person. I say that because she's no longer independent, dynamic, nor beautiful. What she experienced broke her in many ways, and she's been left to waste away in misery.
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reader, pica +, writes (26 November 2006):
You're not involved with "a muslim", "an asian", you are involved with a guy you like. You assume that your family won't like him but it's entirely possible that they will take him as they find him as you have and end up liking him. People sometimes say things about race/ religion/ culture that they don't actually mean on a personal basis. Unless your family are so minded that they don't ever associate with any other religion or culture I say tell them and maybe later introduce them. Sometimes it's only when people meet others and get past the stereotypes that barriers can be broken.
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