A
male
age
16-17,
anonymous
writes:My GF is the greatest and I would do anything for her and I am like so lucky she likes me back the same way. She does this weird thing though on kissing. If I ask her for a kiss, she tells me I have to earn it and makes me do some kind of dare each time to get a kiss. Sometimes it is some kind of exercise thing depending on where we are like so many pushups or situps. She knows I can stand on my hands so sometimes she makes me do that for her. Sometimes she makes thump my chest and holler like Tarzan. Sometimes she makes me flex my arm for her like I am some sort of skinny body builder. Sometimes she makes me try to recite the lyrics to her favorite Taylor Swift songs. Yes, I memorized them. What is up with the whole earning a kiss thing? It is a cute game I guess and showing off is fun and I don’t truly mind and some of it makes me feel sexy, but is this normal? Why does she do this? Should I even care as long as I get her kisses in the end? By the way we have not had sex. This is just about kissing. Should I just play along since she seems to like making me do stuff? BTW I am 15 and she is 16 if it matters.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2022): Thank you for the update but I still say you are very naive. This stuff about we chatted and came to a compromise is you being a girlfriend pleaser. A more sensible guy with more backbone says hey girlfriend, enough is enough, not has a long discussion and asking permission to get out of this and that as if she is doing you a huge favour if she says she will drop some of these things. The more you say the more you sound as if you are under her thumb and she is enjoying the controlling. That chat proved it.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2022): OK, so this is an update I guess. I am the person who posted. Thank you for the good advice. It made me think and my GF and I had a heart to heart and I think we have a good compromise. More comments are OK but I am mainly saying THANK YOU to everyone who posted.
My GF agreed she likes to control me and that is a thing about her personality she needs to watch and enjoys how much I want to please her and how frantic I am for physical affection. At the same time she felt bad and agreed making me feel foolish or do lame tricks to get a kiss is going too far, especially in public situations where I would be embarrassed. She actually apologized for some specific situations where I told her I was actually embarrassed.
She admitted she wants to kiss and cuddle and make out just as much as me so not like I really need to earn it and she is doing me some big favor. I also admitted to her I liked the game of earning a kiss sometimes, but I only liked doing the exercise dares and only in private.
So, we agreed I would sing to her and do handstands just for fun if she asks because I like the way it makes her smile, but she would not link it to kissing or cuddling. Singing will be mostly in the car when it is just us and her driving me places (I don’t have a license yet). She says she likes my voice so that is cool. We agreed I could sing more than just Taylor Swift even though that is her favorite. Normal kisses are just whenever we both want with no games attached. No more Tarzan imitations at any time ever again because I never liked that so she said never again.
We agreed if we are together in private if she wants me to do situps I will do as many as she wants so she can feel or watch my tummy muscles. I agreed to flex my biceps for her to feel them anytime, public or private. I admitted it turns me on and makes me feel super sexy for her to watch me exercise or feel my arm or tummy muscles even thought I am not some huge jock or something. She likes knowing it makes me want sex with her even though we are not going to do sex yet.
We also came up with a couple games together we both like on kissing. We are going to time how long in time I do situps and that is how long we have to make out without stopping (assuming we have privacy). She said she will be cheering for me keep going for a long time. The other game is her laying on the floor when I do pushups over her we kiss each other when I lower down on each pushup. I know it probably sounds stupid but that is just fun for both of us. I don’t know why. It is just a game and keeps us maybe from doing other stuff. Maybe it is a fetish or something but that is something we agreed on that turns us on.
She and I agreed my whole personality is wanting to please people and mostly to please her and that she needs to be careful not to take advantage of the fact I am so keyed into what she thinks about me. She actually makes me feel pretty awesome about myself. She said I make her feel adored and that is cool because I do freaking adore her. I agreed I need to speak up more if I am uncomfortable and not just do whatever she wants all the time. We both agreed it is easy for her to manipulate me but that it is not cool. So it is a two way street for both of us.
I agree with most of what was said. But I dont think she has a bad character like some people said. I don’t think we are toxic, but if I did not say something I would get to resenting it so maybe it was like headed that way. My guy friends say I am whipped. I don’t care. They just need to get a GF if you ask me. I do feel she respects me especially after I told her how I felt on the extreme kissing dares. I think deep down we both want to make the other one happy without going to far on sexual stuff, so that is good. Even though some of the stuff I read was harsh I appreciate everyone getting me to think.
Randomly she admitted she fantasized about sex with me and I admitted I think about it all the time too and doing it with her but we agreed it was cool we wanted each other that way but agreed together we are too young and probably should not do it unless we were literally at the point of being married some day in the future. So I think we are a good match on values and sex attraction. We just have to keep it all in balance.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2022): She's testing you to see just how much you really like her. She's insecure and afraid you might lose interest; so it's her way of making sure she still possesses your heart.
You don't have to perform her every command; and you have to make her respect your feelings. Tell her that you really like her; but your are tired of making a fool of yourself to prove it. It's nice to play a few games; because love at your age is still a game. However, it's a matter of respect; and it's not just the girl who gets respect; the guy is due some respect also.
Tell her you like, her; but you don't want to be her trick pony anymore. If she doesn't want the kisses to stop, she has to be more grown-up; and just say "yes" or "no" when you ask for a kiss. You also have to show her that you won't jump every time she snaps her fingers. You have to earn some respect.
You're here, because you're tired of making a fool of yourself; and you shouldn't have to. It doesn't prove how much you like her, it shows her how much control she has over you. That's not nice! Nobody has to make a fool of themselves to prove anything to anybody!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2022): She is with you because you are naive enough to go along with her controlling games without question. She knows most guys would tell her to get lost if she said this to them.
If you had more get up and go and smarts you would have seen this the first time she said it. She will stick with you for as long as you are obedient and pliable with no mind of your own. Then she can easily find another mug to take your place.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (2 September 2022):
 You are very young Op and are just starting to venture out into the dating world. Your girlfriend may or may not realize what shes doing but basically she is controlling you. You are not her puppet or court jester, solely there for her entertainment! I would not be treated in such a manner. It could get worse and worse if you allow it. People treat us the way we allow them to treat us. Is this what you want?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2022): I so want you to regain some self respect and tell her to eff off. You say you're okay with it, but why have you gone to the trouble of finding a website to ask for advice about this if you're okay with it?
I'm glad that you've posted because it means that you're in tune with what's acceptable and what's not.
IF you have a sexual quirk whereby you LIKE earning kisses and possibly sex some time down the line, then fine, who are we to judge? But you've asked advice and so you're not really okay with it. You WANT to be okay with it, then you can carry on seeing this girl and getting kisses. BUT all the while your self-esteem will be taking a beating. Imagine how she feels, watching you perform for her just to get a kiss. Laughing up her sleeve probably at this boy that she can turn into a trick pony by clicking her fingers.
If you stopped asking for kisses, waited until she wanted a kiss or a cuddle and then told her to perform first, I imagine she would be offended and indignant and rightly so.
You ask if you should play along. Do you want to play along? If you don't, then next time, refuse her challenges and see what happens. You'll go up in her estimation I'm willing to bet.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (2 September 2022):
 Well, I guess IF you like doing all this then OK.. Do you.
BUT I find this degrading.
Imagine YOU tell her to perform "tricks" for you to get affection from you?! Like a good little puppy.
Should you care? I think you DO care, or you wouldn't have written the post.
And yes I think you should care. To be treated like some performing circus animal for "rewards" seems rather disrespectful in my book. You don't feel DUMB for having to thump your chest for a kiss?
Each to their own.
As for WHY she does this? Control, OP.
SHE wants to be in control of affection, such as kissing. It's HER way of showing EVERYONE around you just how wound around her little finger YOU are. How desperate to PLEASE her you are.
It sounds somewhat toxic.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2022): No, IMO you should refuse to play along and put a stop to these antics. You are not a ragdoll , you are not a plaything, insisting on these stupid dares is an insult to your dignity. It may have started like a cute or sexy game, ok, but one that gets old pretty soon, and it frankly sounds like, more than two kids having fun together, an immature insicure girl on a power trip .She gets a kick out of making you act like a fool to get a kiss and that's a super stroke for her ego. Tell her enough is enough.
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