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Why did he refuse to cuddle me after being intimate?

Tagged as: Friends with Benefits, Sex, Social Media<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (25 March 2018) 4 Answers - (Newest, 26 March 2018)
A female Australia age 26-29, anonymous writes:

I knew this guy from uni a few years back, I think we always had a thing for each other or were always at least attracted to each other. Whenever he used to see me, he would get nervous.

We ended up seeing each last night and I went back to his house and we had sex. He followed me on Insta and then the next day, since I didn't follow him back, he unfollowed me. He was constantly saying how beautiful I was and that we liked the same music so I was “wifey material” and we had sex for hours. He said something random like "What if I wanted to date you?" but after he refused to cuddle, I kept begging him and then he was like “Either sleep, or catch an uber home” so I ended up catching an uber back. He claimed he only hugs girls he loves. Strange.

I come from a semi wealthy background and he kept asking what my father did laying in bed and was jokingly like "Can you give me 1000?" "Can you order me uber eats"

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2018):

You just had a one night stand with a guy that is all. If I were you I wouldn't build on it much.

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom +, writes (25 March 2018):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntHugging is obviously more intimate to him than sex. He can stay detached while having sex but not while hugging. You were ok to bonk but not to hug.

Sweetheart, do you not think you deserve MUCH MUCH BETTER? Just because you have similar tastes in music does not make you "wifey material". You are not going to spend your whole marriage just listening to music. You need to share intimacy and trust and respect with your husband, none of which this guy has been willing to share with you.

Watch what he does rather than listening to what he says. Words are cheap but his actions will speak volumes. His refusal to hug you after sex would ring alarm bells for me. He is already manipulating you into thinking you are "not worthy". I suspect, if you have a relationship with him, he will whittle away at your self esteem until you think you deserve no better than the crumbs he throws you.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States +, writes (25 March 2018):

Honeypie agony auntEww, OP

He sounds like a semi-gross guy. He was OK to have sex with you but you weren't good enough to cuddle. He was trying to take you down a few pegs because 1. you intimidate him with your family background and 2. you intimidate him with your looks.

So the whole "following you" an then "unfollowing you" when you aren't doing what he WANTED you to do (which was to follow him back) is IMMATURE, but it was also his way of showing you that you are nothing special.

The whole "I only hug girls I love" was also an attempt to devalue you. He'd FUCK you but not hug, which means he doesn't give a single FRIG about you.

Honestly, OP? You can do SO much better than this creep.

Asking for Uber Eats or $1,000 - it's freaking skivvy!

If I were you, I'd block the dude and find someone who is on your level and WAY more mature than this sad little shit.

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A female reader, janniepeg Canada +, writes (25 March 2018):

janniepeg agony auntYou are out of his league. If he has to ask you for money and uber eats it means he can't afford to date you. That's why even if he sees you as high value he can't go into a relationship knowing he doesn't have much to offer you. When people don't have the means to be an adult and treat ladies to dates, they still have attraction, they still have the urge that overrides the sensibilities. It's nothing like you don't deserve to be loved.

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