A
male
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend said she was so glad I was not an “alpha male.” She says it was a compliment and I believe she meant it that way, but I am feeling kind of less manly since she said it. When she realized it was bumming me out she initiated a lot more frequent sex I guess to prove she likes me. It is just a dumb buzz word but now every time she asks if she can see my “alpha side” I get crazy horny and we have sex which she thinks is fun to be able to do that to me so easy. It is like a magic word now she has fun with. It so weird I react that way. The sex distraction is nice, but I keep thinking about what she said and wondering how I come across. She said it means I listen more and don’t have to act all cocky or like I know everything. Does that mean I do not come across as confident? I am not an athlete, but I am physically fit. I even lift weights now even though I am only a beginner. She said it turned her on I was lifting weights for her. Will she think I am more of a man if my muscles are bigger? I don’t have much body hair, but muscles can make up for that, right? I can't do anything about that. I do let her win and have her way on most things, but do I have to be a selfish jerk to be an alpha male? I don’t know why I care because she said she likes me the way I am. She knows this stupid thing bothers me and has been pumping up my ego in lots of little ways besides the increase in sex. TBH I feel like a weeney for even caring about this stupid word. Am I just being dumb?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2022): I have no idea what people mean when they say "alpha male", because they all have different definitions!
Why does your gf think that you were lifting weights FORE HER?! You let her win and have her way?! Wow!
I think she's self centered and that makes her not a nice person.
You are both very young and probably immature (especially her). You will learn. Hopefully you will learn that people like her are not worth your time. She'd better change. But maybe she won't.
I wouldn't be surprised if she thinks that you have nowhere to go and that she's "got you". So... Focus on yourself and be aware of her faults. Don't buy into her BS. There are plenty of nice poeple out there.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2022): I think she did mean it as a compliment !
Now , in a scientific context , "alpha male " is not something negative , but in everyday usage often it is used to mean "overbearing, a bully, a lout etc. A verbal shortcut to say an obnoxious..selfish jerk. Which obviously you are not and she appreciates that.So should you.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (15 June 2022):
 Oh, she found your "Achilles heel" didn't she? and now she is just digging in it and salting your wounded ego for "fun"?
You are young. You will learn. Know the saying "sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me"? Alpha male" is just a DUMB term. It doesn't really relate to humans.
Look at Elon Musk. Super smart, Very wealthy. NOT what some would call an "Alpha male" at all. He doesn't seem to have ANY issues with getting a partner. Or living his best life - other than having a terrible taste in bed-fellows.... But I digress.
Being a selfish jerk doesn't make ANYONE an "Alpha". It makes them a selfish jerk.
We are not cut by cookie cutters, we are all individuals.
Screw the "Alpha male things" BE the best YOU that you can be.
Your GF is talking out of her ass. To be frank here.
"She said it means I listen more and don’t have to act all cocky or like I know everything."
Maybe she needs to stop going to "tik-tok" for her education because her definition is one of the dumbest I have seen in a while.
Roll your eyes at her. Stop letting it bug you.
You are BOTH being dumb here. But that is OK. As I said, you are both young and you both have a lot of maturing and growing to do.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2022): Be comfortable in your skin, and don't base your worth solely on the opinion of others. Everyone has an opinion or perception of who you are; and sometimes they will say things like she did that make absolutely no sense. You'll get this rubbish stuck in your head; and that allows her to manipulate you accordingly.
She's playing mind-games, with the assumption that all males are nothing but ego, lustful, and narrow-minded. Who died and left her the chief judge of masculinity?
Be confident based on your character, how you treat others, a positive attitude, and common sense. Not all males are alike, and if this young lady is around your age, how much experience does she have with men? You can't fit all male-types in a shoe box; and there isn't a female alive who has been with enough men that she can toss you in some category, and know what the heck she's talking about.
You are who you are! It's weak-minded to allow people to play with your head so easily; that you begin to question who you are. You're only 22, and you're still working on it.
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