A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello cupid,I am a 40YO female struggling with the meaning of marriage.We originally wed 8 years ago with the thought that we might decide to have children together. Now I found out I have PCOS which makes it hard but not impossible to have children. I also have decreased desire to have children, especially since we moved to a younger vibrant city. Not 100% sure but I feel I just want to have fun with life and not be bogged down with children. My thinking is if we don't have children than we should focus on advancing our degrees, making money, excelling in our careers, and retire early and travel the world. My husband does not seem interested in any of this. He is very happy living a mediocre life, with mediocre wages, not excelling in his career. Not motivated into reaching the upper top tier and be all he can be. I keep coming to the conclusion that if there are no children and no wealth and we have to work until we are in our late 70's I really don't see the point in staying in a marriage without wealth or children. No legacy, nothing to show for it. It is kinda depressing just working everyday just to live moderately everyday waiting to die. I could take my own bank accounts and travel and do my own thing without coming home everyday to this prison of a house where I feel like a sex slave and a short order cook. What is the point here cupid ? really….
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2015): Ok, it sounds to me as though your goals and desires have changed since you were married. Does that make you the bad guy? No! However, these are things you need to discuss with your husband. If he does not agree, you move on. if he does, great! You excel and see the world. People change. What I wanted when I was 25 does not even remotely resemble what I want now. Is that bad? No, it just means my priorities changed. If yours did as well, talk it out. You only have one life to live...live it on your terms.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2015): 'I could take my own bank accounts and travel and do my own thing without coming home everyday to this prison of a house where I feel like a sex slave and a short order cook.'
Wow, do you love your husband at all? It doesn't sound like you appreciate him at all. He is either a sperm donor or a trophy husband (great job/wealthy) or he is nothing. You don't sound very happy. Based on that maybe this marriage isn't for you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2015): You can do everything separately in marriage except the sex part and since you don't seem to be happy about that part I think really there is no point in staying together especially if you don't have any kids to worry about.
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (23 July 2015):
You should ask what you can do for the marriage rather than what it can do for you. Everything you have mentioned are things many couples face because people do change. I do not see the harm in discussing your ambitions with him and sharing them with him. You can both come to a solution for a happy future whether or not kids are involved. The point of marriage is that you have a partner you can share those things with and both compromise to reach goals which is just one of many forms of love.
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A
female
reader, Slippers  +, writes (23 July 2015):
Here here i agree with you wish
I posted too but isn't showing yet.
Just in case I did something wrong as came of a long shift . My point is very similar you seem to be not taking stock of what you do have ? You didn't marry your husband for what he could do, but for whom he is ?.. sweetie I would really take great care here and think about things before making decisions you may later regret .
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (23 July 2015):
 The point? You don't see the point of staying in a marriage without wealth or children? If that were the case, then those would be part of the marriage vows you take.
For people who get married in a world where we can choose who we marry, love is the point. You love each other.
Why do you feel like a sex slave and a short order cook? Do you not love your husband?? That's what's missing here. I know rich couples who despise each other, and I know couples with more than 5 kids who feel trapped and hopeless in despair and loneliness.
The point is to be with someone you love in a life you love. If you love the guy, sex is fun, stress relieving, and unless you're in times of stress or ill health, it strengths or even restores a bond when there's a rift. That's not being a sex slave.
And, if you don't like to cook and you both work, then alternate that duty. You shouldn't have to work full time and keep house by yourself, and if you're not working full time, then you should still put in the effort as he does.
And - if you don't have kids, why not focus on your own ambition versus where you think your husband should be?? I care more about my husband's happiness than his career. I've always driven myself far more career-wise than he has, but that doesn't mean my ambitions should be his. I recognize our different personalities.
You need to settle whether or not you love the guy. THAT is the point of marriage. People who get married for their own selfish reasons (i.e. wealth, getting away from parents, status, being taken care of, ego) tend to suffer as they realize that marriage takes WORK from both.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2015): I agree there isn't a point. You two are not a good match.
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A
female
reader, Slippers +, writes (23 July 2015):
Sometimes it's the little things that should bring us joy.. There are people who crave what you have . A home, a husband who loves her, stability comfort companionship and sex . Children are very energetic bundles of neediness and though I wouldn't trade mine. I sometimes think oo I wish I could just do this myself . See everyone has those kinda flashes but yours are more intense . Your certainly not happy with what you have . It maybe that you and your husband have come to a crossroads .. or it maybe you have to appreciate what you do have to what you think you want.You can always climb the ladder of success. . Why does it mean he has too?You didn't marry his job .. you married him.with all his flaws and greatness tooSometimes we give up on what we have to try and ssek something better; only to wish we were where we started .. I would suggest .. thinking deeply about what you do need to be happy ?Then chat with your husband explain that you both may need some therapy to openly discuss these thoughts or feelings .Don't chuck the towel in until the bell rings . You may find there is no going back .Take care sweetie and let us know how you do ..
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