A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I really dont know what to do!!!I started uni in London 3 years ago and met a lovely boy who is now my boyfriend. We've been together for nearly 3 years and we live in a flat together in London that we rent from my grandmother. London has been quite a culture shock as i'm a small town girl about an hours drive from London, i never realised how much i loved it there until i moved away. Me and my boyfriend practically moved in together after two months of being together and i've stayed in London over the summer holidays and things, i go home to see my mum every couple of weeks (we are very close).Uni is now coming to an end and jobs are very scarce, however i'm likely to find one somewhere in London. Most of my friends are moving back home when they finish uni, this is something i really want to do. I love my BF very much but i want to move back home (i still think of it as home even though my life is in London) I've learnt that i love it there so much and i'm not to happy in London. I've taled about this with my BF but he's said if i move back we WILL break up. He cant move with me because he has a job and commitments in London. He said by moving back home we are taking a step backwards in our relationship and it just wont work!!! I feel so torn, i want to move back home but i dont want to break up with my BF and i know we will because he's said 'if you move back home, i'll break up with you'.Please help I just dont know what to do, i want to be closer to my mum and home as i miss her and it so much!!!x
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female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (25 February 2012):
 Why cant it work if you go back? Its only 2 hours away and instead of looking at the cup half empty, look at it as half full. 2 hours is not too long and I dont know why your B/f says it cant work.
Its completely your choice, if you don't like London, you don't like it, that's it. I'm not a big city girl too, no matter how much I owe my education to a big city, ultimately my heart too lies in my little town. I can relate with you in that way!
Distance really isnt a deal breaker, sure its difficult to have a long distance relationship, but its not the end of the world. To say that it absolutely wont work is harsh, to say the very least. Maybe your B/f said it out of anger, for fear of losing you and maybe that's his way of trying to get you to stay.
At the end, however, its your decision. Do what makes YOU happy. Dont ever do something to make someone else happy, it works for a while but eventually you will just hate the other person for what they've made you do.
A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (25 February 2012):
 "Maybe it's because I'm a Londoner" (smile)London is very crowded at the moment, so I'm a bit biased. Where to live says something about your goals and ambitions in life and that's why this is a big issue to both of you. You want to move back to the country, that's where you feel most comfortable and that is fine. He wants to live in the city, has already got a job, has settled down and this is where he is making his roots. A long distance relationship isn't interesting to him, especially after living with you, that sounds too much like casual dating, he wants a woman at home in his bed every night to hold and keep him company. He doesn't want less face to face contact.You have different goals in life. Same as if he wants children and you want none. He is right to say that a LDR is not sensible, there are millions of girls in London, he will get lonely if he can only see you for a couple of hours a week, the temptations are too great. Same as you, when your with your country friends and your sharing memories and making new ones, your slowly going to be less concerned by the guy you left in London.You can't stay in London unhappy. You want to be in the country, you want to be close to your mum. That's probably another difference. You can't live without family and childhood friends nearby, he wants to be independent and be able to live anywhere as long as his woman is at his side.He is not being unreasonable, neither are you. The idea that love conquers all, is nice, but not realistic, especially if he is of a similar age to you. LDR are great for people who are OK not seeing their partner regularly or being satisfied with skype. I couldn't do it, it's not for everybody. Go home to your mum, finish the relationship, hopefully in the country you will meet someone more like you, and when he's alone in the city he will meet someone more like him."'if you move back home, i'll break up with you'."He's a very honest guy, much better than guys who say "sure it'll work, I'll love you forever" then within a couple of months, they get lonely, cheat, or find themselves falling in love with a girl they see daily. You'll probably worry about what he's doing when he's not with you, and you'll worry about the weeks when he says he's too busy to come down... much too difficult.LDR seem to be popular in countries like the USA, they are not as common in the UK. People usually move to be near their partners in Europe. Funny that, because the UK is a lot smaller, there should be no such thing as "long distance" here because really it only takes a couple of hours to get anywhere.. sure is expensive to travel though. You also have to factor that in, he might not be able to afford to see you often.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (25 February 2012):
 I admit my opinion is biased because I am crazy about London, and that tastes are individual and indisputable, but ... are you sure ? " Who's tired of London is tired of life " ! And , -regardless of the boyfriend- jobs, and career opportunities , are in London. You have to start thinking long term plans, and make sure you are in a place that offers you enough not just emotionally but also in terms of money and personal achievements. And your hometown is pretty close, you could spend there every weekend if you wished .
As Tisha says, could you sort of take a sabbatical and see if you can "make friends " with London ? Big cities can feel threatening and intimidating at first , and maybe you have been focused on Uni and studies and this has prevented you from getting to really know and appreciate London and its lifestyle. Maybe it's worth a try...
Then again, I agree with the posters who say that , ultimately, you 've got to do what makes YOU happy, what makes your heart sing. A college time bf may very well be a transient love, who knows if he still would be there in 2, 5, or 10 years... but in ten years YOU will still be with you and it's your responsibility to try building your life the way is good for YOU, not for any partner , friend or relative . So, if deep down you know your hometown is calling at you and you want to go back... go back. Don't be mad at your bf, I don't think this means that he does not care about you, he's just being realistic, most people are not cut out for LDRs, and anyway it could not be an LDR forever, right ? he knows that his work and life now are in London, so for him it's ...London or bust.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2012): I think this is a choice alot make,home or the city.Londons fantastic, plenty of jobs and your boyfriends there.You have somewhere to live,which is a bonus and more chance of getting a job.
If you go home your boyfriend would have to find a flat-share, he already has a job which is definately something he can't leave, so his life is set.
You can't bend over to make him happy, your hearts at home and thats where you want to be.If your miserable in London then for your own sake,don't stay,but do think hard before you leave.Your boyfriends being unreasonable,yes,but maybe he thought your future was with him in London and is in shock that its not going as he planned.
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (25 February 2012):
 Auntie Bimbim has a point - do you get 'Granddaughter rates' on your flat, or do you pay full market value?
Could your boyfriend have been using you to get a nice flat for not very much money?
If he is willing to give you up so easily (it is only ONE HOUR away) then, gut instinct says he isn't really that bothered. If a man really loves you he will move heaven and earth to get to see you.
University romances always struggle once graduation arrives. People move on, getting jobs, moving away. Life happens. It is no longer the little bubble that you have lived in for 3 years. The real world bites.
You must do what you feel is best for YOU. I know you have been with your boyfriend for 3 years, but there are no guarantees he is the one you will end up with.
Don't make yourself unhappy for the sake of a man.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (25 February 2012):
 Why aren't you happy in London? Could you give it a year and then decide?
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (25 February 2012):
 I haven't taken my anti cynic pill this morning, but here is an interesting angle ... if you go back home where is your boyfriend going to live?
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A
female
reader, Dear Mandy +, writes (25 February 2012):
 HI
I think your boyfriend is being very unreasonable with you. I can understand he will miss you and dont want you to go, but his being selfish, his not thinking about you just himself. If you are so unhappy here and missing home , ( after all home is where the heart is) then thats here you should be. If you stay because your boyfriend is making you feel guilty, then his not the one for you. Many LDR work, where is home for you? Im guessing it cant be too far if you go back home every couple of weeks, if he loves you enough he should make the effort. I know you love him too BUT if your missing home so much you need to be home. Men will come and go, ut family are for life if you know what I mean? talk to him again, tell him you need to do this, but would much rather have his blessings than blackmailing.
Mandy x
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