| A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: Q: Should I move out? Here's why... about two months ago, my boyfriend of 7 years became very protective over his cell phone. When I questioned him, he told me it was just texts from his male friends. I should have known better at that point, but we've been together a long time and there's never been any cheating or reason to doubt him. Plus, we share a cell phone plan so the thought that he was doing something "wrong" never crossed my mind. Well, a few days ago I got my latest cell bill (yes, we always split the cost) but this time a big red flag was raised because our bill was much more than usual. After researching, I found a total of 1,400 text messages sent/rec'd within the last month. I didn't recognize the number he was texting so I called it. A GIRL'S VM picked up... a girl I never heard of. It turns out he met her through work (he's a TEACHER and she's a parent) She is married and knows he lives with me.. he tells me she was just someone to talk to about our relationship issues. He apologized, said nothing ever happened beyond texts and a few short phone conversations. We spend all of our time together (aside from work) so I really believe nothing physical happened. His reason for all of the texting was that things have been less than great between us and he needed an outsider to talk to. He also said he knows it was wrong and that it needed to stop. According to the phone records, he hasn't texted or talked to her in over three weeks. (The excessive texting started the end of October and continued to early December). I'm not sure what to do.. I feel very betrayed even though he says he didn't do anything "really wrong." This was not a few random texts though, we're talking texts that would begin as soon as he woke up and would go on throughout the day, evening, and into the night (many times until 1 or 2 am) when I was obviously sleeping right next to him. Not sure I can get past this... so should I just move out and move on? We've been together for 7 years and share a house too. HELP.
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female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (1 January 2007):
 I think that maybe they had an emotional connection and this would have led to a sexual connection at some point.
But the question you must ask him and yourself is why he couldn't discuss his problems with you. Where has your communication gone? Is this one of the problems you were talking about?
Do you want to save this relationship? Look deep inside yourself, if this is the guy you want to spend the rest of your life with then get the pair of you into relationship counselling and do it quick smart. Address the problems you are having and move on with your life. This could be the '7year itch', it exsists. It happens when either one pertner or both become complacent within their relationship and starts looking outside of the partnership for diversion. It doesn't always happen at seven year point either! It is just a term used.
Please look inside yourself and then make a decision as to whether you want this partnership to continue. If you don't then you need to move on with no regrets.
Good luck
xx
A
female
reader, AngelofLove +, writes (1 January 2007):
 My heart goes out to you.
Trust has been broken and he needs to work very hard to rebuild it with you. Even if no physical contact took place, he has betrayed you emotionally.
If you think you can forgive him, a lot of talking is needed. 7 years is a long time to throw again. Certainly, it is with you that he needs to discuss relationships not anybody else.
You may benefit from some time out, then decide with a clear head if you can make this work or move on.
xxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2006): Sorry you are in a tough place, firstly with regards to the texts and going outside your relationship to talk to a married woman about your relationship issues without telling you first that he had this friend is not a great sign.
Secondly, 7 years together without marriage is a long time to wait in my opinion to marry....I also don't think living together is ever a good thing, as you both don't really have a comittment of marriage, living together is always one foot out the door, and feeds on both people's insecurities just as you are experiencing now.
I can't tell you what you should do, but my take would be to break up with him and one of you move out until you can reach an agreement about getting married in the sometime near future, otherwise you are wasting precious time and energy on a psuedo comitted partnership.
Good Luck
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