A
female
age
36-40,
*nna12322
writes:So I’m sure we all have a story about someone we loved and it didn’t happen or wasn’t meant to be for circumstances beyond our control but for me, I messed up a good thing completely.So it’s the same old story girl meets boy, girl likes boy likewise they feel the same and decide to continue etc but with him it was DIFFERERNT our whole personalities matched in everyway from the day we met the pet names we called each other, our senses our humor, our openness and being totally inhibited together there was nothing that could stop us but yet there was and they were BARRIERS. Barriers with him and barriers with me. Unfortunately for me when I met him he had just months come out of a serious relationship of seven years a relationship, they had a house and even cats together, and it had ended in tears with her shacking up with his brother, he didn’t see it coming and kicks himself that it did but had said to me that he’s over it, messy messy but he seemed to cope. My initial guidelines as set by him were “No relationship lets chill and see what happens”.This was hard for me to handle as I am the sort of girl that doesn’t like to mess around, if I am with someone I want the full shabam but I went with it and things were wonderful we had lots of fun, but it kept coming to a point a crunch where I would ask and get upset as we do as females with questions of “what are we??, do you want to be with me, is this just sex” I am a female I mean I can only take too much of being casual.. I know for him it wasn’t just sex but if he thought of it like that maybe it felt better but I could tell and begin to see he started to really like me and cared about me it showed in phone calls, msgs, skyping each other when we live in the same town just to talk but who was I to know I would completely mess things up. I really liked him I mean REALLY, so every time we got serious I got really emotional because I wanted more- I know he did too but he couldn’t there was just something there that stopped him and it made me sad.It wasn’t until we had these big earthquakes in Christchurch that brought us closer, he came to shower and hang out with me - no water at his place. We were sleeping together - as in all night asleep. Yet he always showed no intimacy towards me he found it too hard and I found it so frustrating how could two people that share so much and friendship not even at least hold hands (aside from the sex which was amazing- the best agreed on either us had had in our lives). Something just happened and it fizzled out and we weren’t talking as much, he was distant and hard to see and it seemed to be falling apartI had my own problems which he knew about but couldn’t fix and he had his which he never wanted to fix, we talked about moving overseas together I think he wanted to escape, and he’s finally done that he is overseas which makes me hurt more as he’s out of reach. My heart hurts when I think about him, I miss him so much and I would do anything for him as I think we could have really been something.I have tried to contact him, we both blocked each other on face book, very mature I know and I did a really really dumb thing but adding his brother to my face book which he obviously found out somehow.. That was the lowest thing I could have done to him because of the history there.. for me it meant nothing but just to piss him off I’m not a nasty person but I was really hurting, but for him and his brother I caused absolute stress and I hate myself for that and because of that fact that one stupid move ive lost him for good. I’ve tried emailing. I have his stereo here that he gave me (he always complained about the lack of sound in my old TV) I still remember the day he bought it around for me I thought wow, sounds dumb but it was his idea of a commitment?He’s in Australia now, I’m in NZ. There’s nothing I can do but try to forget. I am not one to just forget though and it’s playing on my mind to make a bold move of some sort I just don’t know what! Or is it better to forget. The last time I saw him was Jan now but it still feels like yesterday. He was everything I wanted in a guy and now he is gone, probably forever. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2011): I think it was just bad timing, he had a double cheat and his trust in people must have gone to zero.He clearly liked you but I can fully understand his need to escape and start afresh.He must have hurt so much
Your biggest error was to add his brother to your friends on FB, as you already know. It must have just confirmed what he thought of people and trust
I know you hurt and miss him, what you can do to repair the friendship I don't know. He's got a new life now and may even be dating. You could try and contact him via email or by phone, tell him your feelings,how you miss him,make one last effort... before you also move on.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2011): I'm going to be totally honest here. I feel your pain. I'm exactly where you are and we too had per names etc and he too had issues and said same thing (about not putting a label on it as a relationship) the great open sex etc etc. Then the cold distance. The maybe we should end this (as he was falling into relationship and didn't want one) The removing from Facebook the trying to readd and being ignored etc. all of it I understand and feel the hurt you feel. My only advice is to let go, as hard that it sounds, if he is right for you and does want you, then he will come back. But please, live your life!!! 7 months is a long time to be hopping and wanting a man to come back. I think you need to go out there and see who else you 'click' with. You never know, in a few years you may be so in love with someone that when you look back on what you feel now, it seems unreal. You never know what the future holds xxx
...............................
A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (28 August 2011):
 Rebound relationships are often fraught with problems. And he certainly had a lot to think about.
Can you try to locate where he is living in Australia and book a flightt there from New Zealand. That is if you are still in New Zealand now? rather than in the UK as your flag says?
If you can afford it he may well be very flattered that you have turned up. And he may be thinking of you too. Reunion relationships often seem to have more traction than a rebound relationship.
Or if that is too expensive could you re-register on facebook with a different email address carrier? And on a Internet Cafe computer. So that Facebook will accept it.
And then try to reconnect with him?
But this time a high degree of Diplomacy and Empathy will be the way to go.
It must have hurt him deeply to have his former wife and his brother do what they did.
...............................
|
