A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Well where do I begin. I am 23. I have been with my fiancée 4 years and engaged for 3 years. Since from the very beginning I have had a lot trouble from his side of the family, especially from his older sister. We have never really seen eye to eye and for a majority of our relationship she has made it almost impossible to cope with with all the name calling, trying to split me and my partner up, using her best friend (who happens to be my partners ex) to ruin us and just general verbal abuse and being nasty. She has never really liked the idea of her brother being with me as they used to be very close.People always said they had a very strange relationship as brother and sister as they used to feed each other off each others forks at a family meal when I was sitting there, he'd put her before me at the beginning and would always run to her every beck and call. Normal? I think not?About a year and a half ago she fell pregnant with her little boy which as if by magic changed her as a person. She even told her family she had no reason for hating me for all those years. We are now getting on a lot better but I still feel that deep down she doesn't want to keep me any closer than at arms length and I don't know why as were getting on quite well or as it seems. I'll text her and ask if she would like to make plans but I don't ever get a reply or she will make me a last resort for plans if no one else is available if even that. There was an occasion where she couldn't get a hold of my partner or her younger sister as they had left their phones at home (and I just so happened to have mine) to ask then what they wanted for lunch if they fancied any. She had walked into the house to ask them why they hadn't responded and they explained why. I said to her "I had my phone on me you should have rang honey" to which she then said "I never really thought to ring you, I never think of calling you". Do you think I am being too clingy for her after all those years? Am I too polite? Is she genuinely not interested in being better sister in-laws. We have a huge family holiday coming up in October for their dads birthday and I'm worried she'll leave me out and will drag her brother away from spending time with me too.please advise on what I should do as I would love to spend more time and get on like a family should? I really appreciate advise and opinions thank you so much!
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female
reader, autumnsand +, writes (28 August 2015):
 Hello. I can understand you wanting a good relationship with your partner's family. But remember, you are engaged to HIM, and not his family. So your relationship with him is what comes first.It sounds as though things with your finance's sister is better now, which is great. But I think that perhaps you shouldn't get your hopes up that you will become close. After everything that has happened, I think that you should just make the most of things as they are. I think you should be civil and polite to her, but I would advise against trying to spend too much time with her or trying to become friends. Just remain polite and leave things at that.Have you ever spoken to your partner about all of this and your concerns? If not, I wonder if it might help. Again, although she is his sister, he is engaged to you, so he should be putting you first, especially with how awful his sister has been towards you for so long.So if things between you and her are better, I would just be glad about that but not get too involved. That doesn't mean you cannot get on as a family. But I'm just not sure that trying to be friends with her will work or be such a good idea.I hope this helps.
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