A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Topic 1: My ExRecently I broke up with a b/f of over a year, we didnt have any sort of falling out, we simply cant/couldnt be together because of issues outside of our control. Since we both admitted that we didnt think we could wait like 10 years to be together (we are both 19), I told him that we could just keep in contact and in 10 years or w/e If it was meant to be, then we could start over. Ok, so I was feeling pretty mature about that, I didnt cry my eyes out or anything, it was really surprising to me. We talk still, but nothing like what we used to be. Ok... fast forward a bit, I meet another guy, he's nice and I'm thinking of dating him. (that has its own issues I'll get to that) So... the world loves gossiping, and of course every little detail about this guy makes it back to my ex (I've actually pinned it down on a certain mutual friend pretty sure...) Anyhow, we talked yesterday, normal stuff, we talked about games we both play and the new ones coming out. Then when I was about to go to bed (btw this particular convo was on facebook chat) he says he heard I was going to start dating, I gave a noncommittal "maybe", I was dyyyying to throw in "why?" ... but i didnt. so silence kind of ticks away, and he finally goes: just remember that I still love you........... that's it. at that point I'm finally in tears and I don't know what to do now. I said "yeah" then "goodnight" and left. I don't know if its worth it to pursue a relationship where we can no longer be together... for what feels like forever. He agreed to that, so why try to deter me from dating?? I told me of a girl he liked, and I wished him good luck... it hurt, but I did it! why can't he do the same?? I don't really want to cut all contact with him... I hope you guys wont say you think I should________________________________________Topic 2: New date.lol ok... so all the baggage I just explained in part 1, this guy has no inkling of it. Is it something i should tell him? (the other relationship was my first, so yeah.. dunno what to tell about "ex's" to the new date)Also, this guy tells me he likes me, I like him too.. we havent went on any true dates tho because he's got some pretty respectable, yet annoying standards.My parents are muslim, they want me to date with a chaperone. (not asking any opinions on that right now, thanks) This guy wants 1) to be in good standing with my parents and 2)doesnt want a chaperone. So he feels very uncomfortable with the idea of sneaking behind their backs, and also very uncomfortable with the idea of getting a third wheel. While I totally respect on MANY levels, how this young guy has such immense regard for my parents, who he's never met, and through me telling it, they probably come off as a little mean. I don't understand how this relationship can progress with that sort of stand he's taken there. But... he says he wants to pursue it.Is there some sort of 3rd option he's implying that I'm totally missing the hint on?? or..... ? THANKS FOR READING ALL OF THIS lolI would love to hear from you all.
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (20 February 2012):
 I don't think it's a good idea to keep in contact for 10 years. You will in some way be binded to each other and not free to devote all your life to a new partner. I don't think your ex was deterring you. He is simply expressing that he still has love for you, that what you had was special.
Don't talk about exes a with a new date. If you haven't made any solid decisions as a final break up, then you shouldn't be dating. I understand that it is hard to break up something in which there is nothing wrong. But I hear that your decision was to go your separate ways and if 10 years later you are still single and want to work it out, maybe that would happen but you are not putting any hopes in. To break up a relationship like this you simply stop contacting each other.
Your new date would tell you it is your decision and he plays no part in it. Especially with all the restrictions on dating because of your culture you certainly don't want to impress you date with another one, like you still have a heart for your ex.
You have to talk to him about the 3rd option. With love anything is possible. Maybe one day he could warm up to the idea of a chaperone. You probably won't be kissing and making out but you can learn more about each other in a genuine way and then decide if you can be life long partners.
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