A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:As a male virgin who's never been on a date, never kissed a girl, and never had a girlfriend, I've been thinking a lot lately about trying online dating. I've never been competent at approaching women, it always results in rejection.In the past I've thought about paying for an escort/prostitute to not just have my first time sexually with but also for a dinner/movie date. It's become more than an issue of being unable to afford it but I've come to the conclusion that I want something more. I want to have a real relationship. I can't imagine how bad the prostitute experience would be. I'd probably would burst into tears if she were to just simply touch me. Sometimes I trace my fingertips over my own hands and arms and wonder what intimate physical contact would be like.I've though about trying my hand in online dating in the hopes of maybe getting a first date that may lead to something more. Is there any advice that I should be aware of? How do I make a profile presentable? Do I have to post a profile picture? That part makes me nervous because I'm overweight and many girls have told me that I am ugly to my face. Any tips/advice?
View related questions:
escort, never had a girlfriend, overweight, prostitute Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (5 April 2017):
 Yes do try online dating. Put up a picture because you want to show people the real you, be honest in your profile also about who you are, your likes and dislikes. If you are anxious about your weight then fix it, do more exercise, eat healthy, attend a slimming group where people are supporting you. It can be done.
A
male
reader, Been there Now over it +, writes (29 March 2017):
There's plenty said below about losing weight...I agree with them but can't add too much to the advice already given on that topic. But you do want a nice set of clothes, too. Something stylish and that fits well. When it comes to courting the other sex, clothes are really an inexpensive way to gain confidence.
That said, I wouldn't wait to jump on-line...do it just as soon as you have a good write-up and photos...go to work on those two things right away! Don't stand back like you have been or you'll NEVER get any place with this.
The single guy I know who gets the most sexual partners has always been overweight and nothing to look at. But the guy really has game and confidence. He never appears needy...when he walks into a bar he doesn't do so looking around....he "owns the room," as he puts it. But you want to be yourself, too.
If you find that on-line dating doesn't work in your current state of being, you can always remove your profile and then wait until you get yourself more together. Do some internet research on how to succeed at on-line dating...I've tried on-line dating and had some success, but found it to be real learning process. You'll reach out to various women and probably get few replies...that comes with the territory. Don't let that deter you. Just go for it and don't give up. Make it your biggest priority. You might start with just one site so that you can learn the ropes there. Then, you may want to be on a few sites.
Good for you as to not going to a prostitute for your first encounter. You don't have to love the girl, but you don't want to have an experience with someone who is there for a few minutes, just to take your money. So you're off to a good start. As I said, make this a priority and jump in.
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (28 March 2017):
 In terms of losing weight, I have to pitch in that in my experience, the food marked in the states is designed to make people fat. I would in almost impossible to buy and make healthy food when I lived there. It was really difficult to find a store with a good selection of vegetables, and it was very difficult to find good ingredients. Almost everything was prefabricated! You'd have to own your own farm and grow your own vegetables, it seemed! And bake your own bread and slaughter your own pig, on order to get something healthy to eat. And I was just there for three months, and I struggled.
So it seems to me, if you want to get into a healthy diet in USA, you really have to go against all the marketing and consumerism, which is a lot harder than just "choose the healthy option", because there was no healthy option. For example I could not find a single yogurt that didn't have a ton of sugar added in it. I could not find bread that was dark and actually HAD whole grains in it, despite the labels bragging that it was whole grain. BS. It was all white bread that makes you fat.
Not to mention the portions you get served! And the cheese and fries they add to ALL servings. I am lactose intolerant, I promise you, finding a meal at a restaurant in the USA, without cheese in it, was like finding a buried treasure at the end of the rainbow.
As for exercise options, there was no sidewalk for pedestrians. You HAD to drive everywhere. So unless you had a car, and wanted to invest in a gym membership, there was NO OPTION for you. Now, hopefully if you live in a larger city there are better options, but in small towns, there were no options.
So if you want to lose weight, my biggest tip for you is to simply decrease the amount of food you eat. Try to avoid things with sugar in them. But that's impossible in USA, so when there IS added sugar, just eat half a portion. Save the other half for the next day, or throw it away. If you get hungry/have the munchies, eat a carrot. Carrots contain loads of natural sugar, so your sweet tooth will get it's sugar kick. Always, always keep carrots in your fridge.... They are my go-to veggie. They can be added to all meals.
And you absolutely must learn to cook. You need to make everything from scratch, if you want to live healthy. So maybe it's not doable for all days of the week, but try to get only food made from scratch at least once a week, or maybe on weekends. Learn how to cook!
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (28 March 2017):
 I think you should work on YOU before trying dating. Get to a COMFORTABLE you. Not saying you have to LOSE a lot of weight or give yourself a makeover.
The way to attract ANYONE is to be attractive (not necessarily in looks but be interesting, be fun, be positive).
If YOU are unhappy with your look, well that is something you can do something about. Losing weight is not ALWAYS easy, definitely easier in your 20's than your 40's. Getting into a fitness routine helps in more ways than losing weight. It gives you energy and makes the brain "happy". If gyms aren't your thing, take swimming lesson or go to the pool regularly - it's gentle on joints and burns calories, strengthen muscles. Same goes for rowing or riding a bike. IF you can afford it, I can recommend hiring a GOOD personal trainer to get you on the right track.
Dedicate a good 6-9 months to fitness and then see where you are in terms of how you feel about yourself.
Maybe join a healthy cooking class that will work with your exercise regiment. You will learn how to SUPPORT a healthy lifestyle AND meet new people.
THEN try online dating. If you FEEL better about yourself you will PUT out a much more positive image and vibe than if you feel sorry for yourself or dislike yourself.
As for people calling you ugly or fat - well those are DEFINITELY the kind of people to stay away from. Not everyone out there is nice. Usually though it speaks more to THEMSELVES than about you.
...............................
A
male
reader, Phil052  +, writes (28 March 2017):
 You've had some fantastic advice here OP! Things can change for you if you are determined enough to make them change. Yes, it would be great to lose weight, but the most important thing is your attitude and frame of mind. If you can convince yourself you are a good human being with things to offer the right woman, you are half way there! I wish you all the luck in the world!
...............................
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (28 March 2017):
If you feel self-conscious about your weight and think that it is stopping you from meeting somebody then maybe you should start there. Let's be honest being significantly overweight does limit your appeal to many women. Not to mention the health effects.
I have a friend who has lost a hundred pounds in six or eight months from doing a low-carb diet and working out. Myself I am a relatively normal weight but I've lost 30 pounds in 3 months and I look and feel better.
Regarding having a picture it's virtually a requirement; nobody will contact you otherwise. And I would be honest about your lack of dating history if you feel that it would be obvious upon meeting somebody.
But online dating can be a great way to meet someone. I would be selective about the website/app you use though, tinder, for example, probably isn't the right app to use.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2017): You are complaining that girls dont like you because you are fat and ugly. Well I have news for you brother. Fatness is no problem you can always lose weight if you have the will power and the perseverance to diet and exercise. As for ugliness havent you seen how many ravishingly beautiful blondes date ugly guys. Do you know why? Because women like interesting guys, not beautiful guys. They like guys who are successful,athletic, and ooze confidance. All these can be aquired if you work hard at it. Embark on a program of self improvement and when you achieve a transfirmation to better then you can confidently approach women and win them. Dont sit and lament yourself. Go out. Lose weight. Learn ballroom dancing. Take up a sport. Read great books. Learn a musical instrument. Study to gain a degree and work hard to be successful in your career. Learn the dynamics of the economy to make money. Be stylish and dress smart. Mix with others and join a group to have friends. Set goals for your life and plans to attain them.
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (28 March 2017):
Yes, you have to post a profile picture. Unless you want a strict online relationship, you would eventually have to MEET a woman, and she would SEE what you look like. So you are better off by showing your picture in the first place.
I recommend online dating. It is really good! Because you don't have to go out to bars and pubs every weekend and waste time and money, you can be at easy in the comfort of your own home while making initial contact, and you can evaluate whether someone has enough in common with you right from the start, rather than having to talk to them for two hours just to figure out that there are deal breakers.
So first I would recommend that you think about what you are looking for. Do you want long term relationships, are you open for marriage if you meet that special someone, do you want children at some point in your life, in that case how many? Are you willing to move distances, are there any deal breakers such as not wanting to date a smoker, or not wanting to date someone who has children from a previous relationship etc. Figure out your must haves and your deal breakers. These are what will help you write a profile text and also help you in your search for the right woman for you.
Write a good profile text. It needs to be a strong and solid piece of text. Not just single liners. A decent text. Be funny and light hearted, but DO bring up your must haves and deal breakers.
As for pictures, BE CRITICAL. Here are some do's and don'ts: Do not post a picture taken in the bathroom. Do not post a picture where we can see up your nostrils. Do not post a picture where you look angry, or where you have your sun glasses on so that we can not see your face.
Do post pictures of you where you are happy and at ease. Post pictures of you with friends (but hide your friends faces by using paint or any other program so that their faces do not show, only your face should show). Do post pictures of things you like, such as hobbies or food or from a trip you went on. Post enough pictures to make it an interesting album. Do post different styles of pictures, such as a mix of pictures of objects and locations, as well as selfies (if you have any good ones), close up pictures of yourself and distanced pictures of yourself taken by someone else. Post pictures of you alone, and with friends if you have any good pictures.
POST ONLY GOOD PICTURES. Really. Do NOT photoshop any pictures or use any special effects, but post decent looking pictures where you are genuinely happy and smile. Or pictures that are funny to look at. Write captions that describe what the picture is all about.
When contacting a woman, do not use single liners. Write honestly and from the heart. You will have to write MANY women to get even a single response. But do not write the same thing with copy/paste style. Write something unique to each and every one, and write something that refers to their profile text/pictures and ask genuine questions about them.
Be prepared that online dating can take time. You have already spent years in the real world trying to chat up women with little to no success. Online dating offers more women who are easily accessible, you can write to each and every one of them, but you are not guaranteed more success. Women online are just as picky and slow to answer as women in the real world. The only benefit of being online is that you will have access to MORE single ladies, and you can sit at the comfort of your own home while talking to them. You can also choose how you present yourself, whereas in the real world you might just bump into someone on a day where you don't look your best, and that could ruin your first impression. So through online dating you get to choose yourself what you want your first impression to be.
But yes, do be warned that it will take time to get to know a woman through online dating, just as it takes time in offline dating. And you will get rejected, numerous times. Do you think it is easy for me to get a date, just because I am a woman? I got rejected A LOT by men. I wrote men online just as much as they wrote me, and I got responses from maybe 10% of the guys I wrote to. I also asked out guys who would flat out say they were not interested. Or I would get stupid comments about my looks (really, guys can be quite cruel and judgmental about a womans looks also).
What you do is just delete and ignore the stupid feedback or hurtful rejections. The world is full of stupid people. Focus on the ones you get positive feedback from. I wrote to so many people... You just have to be really patient and not take it seriously. I went back online dating after a couple of years being in a relationship (that ended, obviously) and I saw a lot of the same people that were there two years ago! Still there. And even one guy who I had gone out on two dates with, who I thought of as a catch, but I guess he was just really picky in choosing women, because he was still there two years later. We even went out on a date again, as friends, just to catch up, lol. No chemistry. But my point is, going for a long time without a relationship doesn't mean you aren't viewed as a good catch, or doesn't mean you dont have a lot to offer or that women aren't interested in you. There could be so many other reasons for why it hasn't worked out with anyone yet, but it doesn't mean at all that you will never find someone.
Try online dating though, I recommend it. So much easier and more comfortable than trying to chat up people in real life.
...............................
|
