A
female
age
30-35,
*riaz
writes:One of my really good friends just decided to cut me off because she doesn't agree with one of my decisions. I think it's a little extreme and hypocritical.The decision is that I'm meeting someone for dinner tomorrow and may be pursuing a physical relationship with him only, as he lives out of state. I'm taking a lot of precautions so I don't contract anything or get pregnant.She behaved this way when she was in her early 20s, and she was really reckless then. At least I'm being very careful.I'm a little sad, since I just lost a good friend. I don't know why she would cut me off over a decision that I'm making. How do I move on from this? Sad to say, I already miss her and our conversations.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2021): Your friend is concerned for you and has ended the friendship because she believes you do impulsive or rash or silly, maybe dangerous things. You are entitled to behave anyway you like She is entitled to judge what you tell her. What makes no sense is why you shared this information with her, were you bragging to her about meeting a stranger? It is not much to brag about, lots of guys, especially ugly, old or married ones, would be eager to meet up with a young woman in the hope of whatever. Often there is something wrong with them and/or their background, which is why they are looking and not already well sorted with some woman who makes them happy. Most people do not share everything they do with their friends, or they would have the sense to meet the guy first and only tell their friends about it if it works out well. Even if you go to your ex friend now and tell her that you will not meet this guy she worries about your lack of good judgment, and for all she knows you are still meeting this guy behind her back, so I doubt that would work. It sounds to me as if she is far more cautious than you and does not want what she believes to be a friend who deliberately embraces dangerous situations. It rubs her up the wrong way and worries her.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2021): If you've learned a few lessons from your behavior from early-on in your life, doesn't it behoove you to forewarn those you care about? The point is not to let them repeat your mistakes. Maybe it was God's decision that this friend needed to be removed from your life. Why, just hasn't been revealed at this very moment.
I know being dropped by a friend can be heartbreaking and sad. Even embarrassing! It has happened to me, and to anybody who reads your post. Sometimes you have to sacrifice a friendship; when you see it brings darkness or controversy into your life. If you realize that it steals your sense of peace and tranquility. If it is counterproductive to your goals.
You sometimes have to give your friends advice that might turn people against you. People hate when we disagree with them. Sometimes friendships are conditioned on your constant agreement and approval of everything they do.
You have to stand by your values. Show them the error of their ways. It might spare them the possible negative consequences you may have experienced. I've come to DC to share my wisdom and experience for the sake of saving a few people some pain and misery. It's done from compassion and foresight. I don't sugarcoat, or give patronizing responses; telling people what they want to hear to make them like me. I sometimes miss the mark. I haven't experienced everything OP's bring to DC; but I will research and seek verifiable truths, if I can find them. I hope to enlighten those seeking answers about life. I hope to share their pain and suffering from a humane point of view. We don't know each-other, but we share human-experiences. There is nothing new under the sun.
I'm a Christian, and the scriptures of the Bible (The Word of God) holds me personally and solely responsible for my behavior; and for the kind of people I wish to mingle and be associated with. I have no right to judge others; but I do have to use discernment and prudence to select those around me who will only wish me the best, and those who will teach me how to be a better person. Why would I surround myself with people who can't or wouldn't want to do that?
Your friend may see a trend in your behavior she knows might lead to trouble or heartbreak in your future. She may have been through a lot with you before, particularly concerning men. You may have a tendency to be dismissive of her advice; or throw her past mistakes back in her face, as a counter-tactic to keep her from judging you. You did imply she is a hypocrite. You spoke of how she used to be. If you did that, there's your problem! If you rubbed her nose in it.
Reminding people of their own faults who are trying to help you is mean-spirited. If she feels she has to end your friendship, maybe it isn't necessarily this isolated incident; but a tally of things that she had to assess or evaluate. A combination of various incidents over time; that lead her to decide whether your friendship is worth maintaining. Maybe this was the final straw.
I'm not implying you're a bad-person; and that may not be her intention either. She may have concluded you may not possess certain qualities, values, or character she needs in a friend; in her life, as it is "now." Our friends also buffer our behavior. Those who love us, keep us on the right-track...the straight and narrow path. This is real-love. It's watching your back. If you're always resistant; then that's reason to part. You get tired of hearing their woe-is-me's, or cleaning-up after them. If she is willing to give it up, she must have good reason(s).
If the benevolent, well-intentioned efforts of a beloved-friend are taken any other way; then there is a disconnection, or fissure, in your relationship. Sometimes the only solution is to end the friendship, and move on. I don't need friends who stunt my growth. I also take into account the types they like to associate with. I'm a constant work in progress, I've got too many flaws and sins to work-on through Jesus. When people pull me down, or reverse my advancement; either I have to let them go, or God will divinely intervene. "He'll" cut them loose! I can always find new friends; and so can they. It's not the end of the world. We'll miss them, and they may miss us; but life goes on. Real friends, you can trust, are truly hard to come-by. It's the quality, not the quantity! Not a bunch of faces and followers in your contacts; but warm-blooded people, who hold you dear in their hearts. They'll ride or die beside you!
Nobody can claim themselves to be perfect or all-knowing. God dislikes self-righteousness and haughtiness in us; because it's placing our "do-gooderness" above His Divine Judgement and awesome perfection. We are by no means His equals. We all have scary skeletons in our closets, and have done things we are ashamed of, or things that we now regret. We repent, and seek redemption for those mistakes. It doesn't mean we have no right to offer others constructive criticism; or to simply disassociate based on our morals, beliefs, and values. Leave judging to God Almighty.
You, other readers, and the aunts and uncles who'll respond to your post; have also had the unfortunate need to let friends go. We all have our reasons, good or bad.
Rather than remaining in someone's life to be critical and judgy; it's best to see your way out, and mind your own business. Who needs enemies and critics? This may be the case for your friend. I wouldn't press the issue, I'd let her go. With sadness of heart, accept her decision gracefully. If she's being judgy, or self-righteous; even more reason to not let the door hit her in butt!
It's her prerogative to choose the people she wishes to share friendship. My reason for ending a friendship is usually based on whether our connection is uplifting and a positive-influence on my life. If it will drag me back to old bad-habits I've worked to quit. If it involves me in gossip, or undermining other friends. If you have an ideology, or political-view; that is racist, xenophobic, atheist, based on weird conspiracy theories, cruelty to people who are different in any way; and you seem to have no apparent moral-compass. I'll reserve any further judgment, and set you free. You no longer have a place in my life. I'm not perfect, so I don't need a so-called friend to make me even worse than I am. If you don't like me, or what I stand for; I respect your decision to disassociate. I won't bother you, or hold it against you. I had to learn this, over many many years. Through prayer, trial, and tribulation. You're too young to be there yet. You will reach this point in maturity and wisdom over the years to come. It takes years of experience; and you have to develop a good heart and level-headedness to do it right. Sometimes you'll botch it, and God may have to fix-it!
Respect her decision, and get-on with your life. Appreciate those who remain loyal all the more. Make more new friends. Allow them to be truthful and honest with you. Accept constructive-criticism with grace and dignity; and value friends that allow you to reciprocate your good advice and honesty.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (27 September 2021):
 Well, she is entitled to decide if she wants to be friends with you or not.
And you are entitled to CHOSE whom to have casual hookups with.
While I get that SHE already went through and thinks is a dumb thing to do (which is what I think is the reason for her dislike of you doing this) she can't dictate your life.
Compare it to a smoker who quit and now try and convince YOU to not smoke. Because they know it was stupid and a waste of time.
She wants you to be safe. Hooking up with a stranger is rarely a smart or safe thing to do.
If you don't want to take heed to her advice and warnings, that is YOUR choice.
Maybe she will get over it and come back in contact, maybe she won't.
Not much you can do.
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A
male
reader, kenny  + ♥, writes (27 September 2021):
 She is one of your really good friends, which you have probably known for a long time, don't throw away your relationship with her for someone i assume you hardly know from out of town.
This guy could turn out to be a jerk, and you may never see him again after this first encounter, then after you would have lost your good friend as well.
I think that she is just worried about you, she is worried that you will make a mistake with this out of town guy, if she was not a good friend she would not care less and let you get on with it.
You should make a decision, lose you friend and take on this chance encounter that may not go anywhere. Or cancel with this guy and keep your relationship with your friend.
I think its important to keep good friends, we never know in life when you may need to fall back on them, or help us out of a sticky situation.
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