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female
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anonymous
writes: hi all. hopefully someone can help me. my mum died 2 years ago. i really miss her. i recently found out by accident that my mums husband ( my stepfather )has been seeing someone else. He said when I seen them that they have only been seeing each other for a week. This weekend past, he informed my sister that his new girlfriend would be stayin over in my mums house.I know i sound bitter, i dont mean to. But it seems very quick for a relationship that has only been going on for 3-4 weeks.she has been introduced to all the family except my brother. I guess my main fear is that my mothers memory will be faded, with this gf being in the house, sleeping in her bed etc. If its all moving this fast, will she move into my mums home. my mum worked long and hard for what she had, and i dont want someone coming in and taking over her home. i don't really know what i'm asking for help in, but i'm finding this very hard to cope with. any advice for me and my family? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhiya, i havent heard of a plan yet of them to live together, but that is a fear of mine. there was a lot of history concerning deviousness on my stepfathers part. on my mums death bed, he convinced her to change her will and got the solicitor up to validate it. he was left everything. we have nothing left of mum, except to see the house where she lived and worked so hard for. i might come across harsh here, but there is a lot of history concerning physical abuse etc to my mum and us kids when we were younger and i have seen first hand what my stepfather was like. although he has mellowed out now, it still annoys me that he was devious even on my mums death bed.
i just dont want my mums memory gone from the house. i was down in the house at the weekend, and the gf was due down. the house used to be packed with mums pictures. Now there is one, and its pushed behind a lamp obscured from view.
sorry if i seem nasty etc, i just want to know if im being unreasonable in feeling the way i do.
A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (20 November 2006):
 I can very much understand that you feel upset about this right now. I don't think you can stop your step-father having a new relationship as he may feel it is the right time for him. You have to remember that different people respond to bereavement in different ways. It is possible their relationship has been going on for a while - hence the plan to live together - he may not have been honest about that aspect as he doesn't want to hurt your feelings. However, I do think you have some good grounds for concern with regards to the house and its contents as this woman is a stranger to you. I am not sure from your post about the ownership of the house - if it is in his name then you have little legal recourse, but if the house was to be shared between her partner and children (as is often the case) then you should seek to clarify your legal position with a solicitor. Even if you have legal claim over the property it doesn't mean that you cannot stop your step-father living with his new gf, but you maybe able to stop it happening in that house if that is emotionally painful to you.
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