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female
,
anonymous
writes: Possessive or Insecure??Dear Cupid,My sister has been currently dating a Libian young guy for around four months now. She use to have such a gorgeous look to her when she first started dating him but now she wears no make up and baggy shirts and pants. She told me that he wanted her to appear as "eye candy" only to him, no one else. Now he wants her to have her implants removed, so that she doesn't draw attention. He's even been able to get her to give him her email and voice mail passwords so that he can check her messages! My sister looks very unhappy and already has tried to take her own life because she feels so less about herself. What should I do???Thank you, fromVery concerned.
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female
reader, Aunt Audrey  +, writes (17 May 2006):
 This sounds like a clash of culture here. Your sister's boyfriend obviously wants her to dress and behave in a way that he has been brought up to believe is right, how women should dress, no make up, clothes that cover the body and an appearance that does not attract the attention of other men. All though he may feel this is the right way for your sister to dress, it is no doubt worrying for you watching him change someone you love so much. It is a form of control, and all the time your sister acts on his suggestions there is little you can do.
If your sister is so unhappy that her man is wanting her to change so much, and obviously doesn't trust her if he needs her passwords to acsess her mail ect. what's keeping her in the relationship?
I think your sister would be better off without him, she should know that a person should love her for what she is, not what they think she should be. He would be better off with someone who thinks on the same level as himself. If she was happy to do these things for him I would say leave them to it, but from what I read she sounds like a very unhappy girl. Did she have councelling after trying to take her life, did she get to the bottom of what made her so unhappy she no longer wanted to live?
Do you get on well enough with her b/f to voice your concerns? No doubt you have tried talking to your sister about all this, what does she say? Is she happy with what's happening in her life or does she just do what he says for a quiet life?
I would stay close to her, support her in any way you can, be there for her and hope she wakes up and see's what this man is trying to do.
Good luck!
A
female
reader, Yazi Agony Aunt +, writes (16 May 2006):
She has to ditch this guy straight away! No matter how much she thinks she loves him, she will get over him, but a life change is something YOU decide, not your (insucure by the way) boyfriend that prefers you looking horrible when you could look beautiful! He clearly doesnt love her if he wants to change her! Go for it and find another guy who loves the real you!
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