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female
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anonymous
writes: i have been married for almost 4 years with two children.my husband doesnot trust me at all.i feel like he is married to his family.i mean they nknow everything about our life...every tiny detail thanks to him.they tell him stuff and he keeps them from me.i tried talking to him about it he accuses me of doing the same ie i tell everything to my folks and keeping secrets.it is not true.help me please.i'm despreate. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2006): Well, let me tell you something...my husband is the same way. he calls his sister from New York and Miami to tell them about arguments that we've had and tell me that if he weren't talking to me and i say something, then they deserve the right to know what i say to him. i don't understand because we're the ones wose married to each other and they are married women also and i know for a fact that they do not call him up to tell him their businesses. i don't know. i'm thinking of leaving him later on because it's been going on for a while and it doesn't look like it's going to end. i'd say, have a talk to him about the accusations because in most cases, they(the accusees, are the ones who are guilty) Let him know that if he keeps it up, obviously he only cares about his other family, instead of the ones he has. Let him know that you'll move on because it is ridiculous and unhealthy to live like that, especially with children. Pray about it and ask God for ways to handle it and then leave the rest to him.
A
male
reader, Qui-Gon-Jim +, writes (16 December 2005):
 Some men have issues with superiority as children, and carry it onto adult life. This may be a result of a psychological complex, where, effectively, you partner isn't AWARE he is acting in such an obnoxious way. Making him aware of it in an intimate and delicate way could make a hell of a difference.
Qui-Gon xxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2005): You husband is not acting like a loyal, partnered man. He does not respect nor does he trust you...the two most crucial foundations for a happy, long marriage. A man polices his family boundries; he does not speak ill of the woman he values; he made a vow in marriage, to honor and protect you and his children. He has failed on all counts. I question his love because he sounds selfish, immature and spoiled. Try to make sense of this by talking to a relationship counselor. Perhaps they may offer you better guidance in how to deal with this serious issue. Be detached but polite when you around his family-it sounds like your husband has done a lot damage by 'tearing you down" to them. What kind of man does this to his own wife and to the Mother of his children? Get to that counselor...seek some understanding and then make a decision that will enable you to live a life where you will have a modicum of respect. Sadly, you won't find it with his family, thanks to your husband. The longer you are exposed to them and knowing what they know, you will feel undervalued more and more. Your husband owes you a huge apology and he deserves to be taken to task for the damage he has caused. I am shocked and I am sorry.
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (16 December 2005):
 You need to tell your husband in no uncertain terms that he's not to share all your information with his family. It's not beneficial to your marriage and it also slants the problems to his side. This gives your in laws a bad view of you and helps them create preconceived ideas about you.
He needs to respect your wishes first, assuming they are reasonable. Any issues that are huge and can't be settled between you could possibly be helped by speaking with a councelor.
The more he talks to his family, the less you will respect him. This will build up over time and you will resent him for it.
Eddie
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