A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello So my husband and I have been together over 4 years. We share a son together.My husband makes remarks that really hurt and offend me. He implies his son isn't his. I have been faithful throughout this journey and he has not. I'm not sure if hes doing something behind my back again to sort of project things back on me or what the issue is. It's really unfair, to me and my son for these types of accusations. I have reassured him several times but when he gets angry he will say, who's his father? It makes me physically ill thinking about it. Any suggestions? Thank you! Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2021): This is awful. I can't begin to imagine how horrible it must make you feel when your husband is saying these kinds of things.
A lot of the time people throw these kinds of accusations out there to use as a smokescreen for their own indiscretions. So you are probably right in your belief that he may be cheating again.
To be blunt; you need to stand up for yourself. Tell him if he's so adamant in his belief that your son isn't his then get HIM to organize a DNA test. And don't even lift a finger to help, get him to do everything. Pay for it, swab himself, your son, sort all the paperwork, post it back etc. None of it should be your responsibility if these accusations are completely unfounded, which I'm sure they are.
To be honest as well, he doesn't sound like a very nice person. He's cheated on you before, he makes unjust accusations when he gets angry. It's all very, very immature. I'd maybe take some time to assess your situation. I know he's your husband but this isn't the way to treat the person you love.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2021): So when you go to the divorce lawyer get a judge to order a DNA test and get him for child support.He is abusive.He is gaslighting you big time.Please get away far away from this abusive man.We all see it and for you and your baby's sake I hope you do too.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2021): A DNA test will certainly obliterate any question of who the father of your son is; but it will not stop the psychological attacks meant to wear at your self-esteem and to mentally disparage you. A narcissist's favorite tool. Trashing your spirit!
He's gaslighting you, by keeping you on the defensive. It's a "thing" now to perpetuate a lie; and push it for the fun of making people annoyed and disturbed. Those who know the truth are challenged to stop them; but for all practical purposes, once a lie has stigmatized its target, those who want to believe cannot be convinced otherwise. It is definitely projecting, considering he's a confirmed cheater!
He can only insinuate, but has no solid evidence to back-up his false-accusation. Being his wife, that is very toxic and hurtful.
Perpetuating a known lie might convince weak-minded or gullible people it's the truth; because it keeps being spread and/or repeated. The most prominent of side-effects is that it raises questions; which, in turn, causes distrust and insecurity. It can also scandalize the victim of it. It's evil, and comes from the darkest side of people. God is truth and infallible justice; so the truth just keeps surfacing over and over. Light begins to shine on the liar. The truth can't be buried or besmirched, no matter how hard anyone tries. It's divinely designed to out itself, and shame the liar.
Maybe he's disowning his son, because he simply doesn't want to be a father. He must not want to be a husband either; if he degrades you by insinuating you're an adulterous spouse.
Get the DNA test, and get your legal ducks in a row. You'll need it if he challenges you for child-support. Consult with a divorce attorney. This is surely not the behavior of a man who wants to remain married to you. Not to mention the fact, someone who has cheated on you.
...............................
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (2 August 2021):
 Is this how you want your innocent son to grow up? Through no fault of his own, he is caught up in the middle of this feud between his parents. He is probably still too young to understand but that won't last for long. A mother's maternal instinct always drives her to protect her children. Your primary concern should be your son's wellbeing.
Before he reaches a stage where he understands what his father is saying, get him to safety. He does not deserve this. Demand your husband takes a DNA test so he can't use this as an excuse not to pay child support.
Both you and your child deserve better. If you can't do this for yourself, then do it for your son.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2021): He is not a decent man. If you have evedence of his unfaithfulness pull him to court get divorce, get your son's custody, and get child allowance.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (2 August 2021):
 I'd suggest you tell him to leave.
You could suggest a DNA test but WHY oh WHY would you put your son through this? And yourself?
Your husband doesn't trust you because HE isn't trustworthy himself. So he assumes that because HE has not been faithful, you can't have been either.
Also, WHY stay with a guy you KNOW hasn't been faithful?
Personally? I'd tell him to back his stuff and leave.
I still would have him do a DNA test too, to point out just how big of a moron he is.
It doesn't sound like a healthy marriage, OP
Your husband sounds like a dick.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2021): This isn't going to be good for your son. I suggest you get a DNA test just to prove it. That way he cannot possibly say that any more
...............................
A
female
reader, ConfusedCarrie84 +, writes (2 August 2021):
Do a DNA test and show and settle the problem he has.
...............................
|
