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female
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*iss ellie-may
writes: My grandma is very sick and i know that she'll die soon. shes been in hospital for ages and is very weak. we didnt know them very well when me and my brothr were young because they live far away and my dad (whose parents they are, but whom we dont live with) has a very bad relationship with both of them, so he never took us to see them. recently, over the last four/ five years my mum has got back in contact with them and weve been visiting them every summer. were next booked to go and visit in a month or so, but im honestly not convinced that my grandma will still be alive then.i have a really good relationship with my grandma and i love her so much - i cant bare the idea of not getting to see her one last time or say a proper goodbye, especilly since weve had so little time with them. its like finding someone again only to lose them instantly. ive asked my mum if we can go and visit them in the coming half term as it may be our last chance, but 1) were right in the middle of my a level finals and my brothers gcse's and it just isnt posible to spare the time if we want to do well in the coming exams, and 2) we really badly cant afford it.i know that its completely impractical to try and visit, but the thought of it being a PHYSICAL possibility, even if its not a practical one, and NOT going makes me feel a) like a selfish bitch, and b) rely unhappy that i may be throwing away my last chance of ever seeing this women who means so much to me. even when we didnt see them she wrote all he time, and has loved me so much despite everything, and the idea of losing her, and worse, just letting her go, is breaking my heart. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, bonym  +, writes (15 May 2006):
 My dear I know EXACTLY how you feel. I live in England, UK and my grandmother lived in Barbados. She developed Cancer in 2003 and God called her home in 2004. I was devastated because the last time I saw her alive was 2001 and I should have gone back in 2003, we used to go Barbados every 2 years and it hurts me because I will never ever hear her voice or see her face again. As all the other great agony aunts have suggested, writing a letter would be one good way of expressing how you feel. My dear, I know its hard, but the memories I have of my grandma are priceless and NOTHING or NO ONE can take that away from me. I hope that you can say your last goodbyes, I never got to do that, and I regret every day not ringing her enough to tell her how I felt, but my dear I am sure your grandma knows exactly how you feel about her. God bless you and your grandma and I hope that you find comfort. xXx
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female
reader, cfliberal +, writes (15 May 2006):
If your grandmother is still well enough that a visit would be meaningful to her and would leave you with a good memory, then go if at all possible. Otherwise you will always regret it. My own grandmother passed away just a week before I was due to come home for a visit. I still kick myself for not making it back to see her before she died.If your grandmother is too sick to appreciate the visit or if you think her condition is so bad that your memories of her will be ruined, don't go. Send her a letter and perhaps a small gift that might be of use to her. That way you'll feel connected to her.Above all, if it's just not possible to go, then release yourself from the guilt. If you can't make it, then you just can't. Your grandmother would understand this and appreciate how much you wanted to see her even if you can't make it happen.
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female
reader, Angelicc +, writes (15 May 2006):
 Hey,
I can completely understand, my Nan was the person who understood the most, who was there for me no matter what. i loved her so much and unfortunely she died hours before my 17th birthday and i feel so terrible because about a week earlier i could of went to see her but was to wrapped up with college. i know she'll want me to go to college because that is very important to her. but i'm pissed at myself for being so selfish for not taking the time out to visit her. worse of all she died with strangers no one was around for her, i wished i moved to wales to live with her.
but a couple off months after her death i recieved a letter from her that she sent that day, it was uplifting to know she throught of me.
i probarbly haven't feel better but i have been in your situation, all you can do it hope and pray for your grandmother to hang on.
but if you need to talk message me anytime
Cherelle
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female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (15 May 2006):
 Hi Ellie-May
I agree very much with the answer Lisa has written, as it was what I was going to suggest.
Putting your words down on paper can be so much more expressive than actually saying them, the fact that you are in the middle of your exams and so is your brother, plus the fact that money is a big consideration here is more than enough reason for the fact that you can't get to see your gran right now.
If the bond between you is that strong, she would only want the best for you and thinking that this is making you miserable would not be something that she would feel comfortable with I'm sure. Doing good in your exams and trying to get a better future is something every grandparent or parent wants for their children/grandchildren.
Will your gran even know that you are there if you did manage to visit here? If she is that ill, the doctors normally sedate patients in most cases so she would possibly not be the lady you have spent the last summers with so think of her as a healthy happy lady instead.
I went to see my grandma in the last few weeks and days of her life and she could not speak and was on morphine all the time and that memory lives with me to this day and I do recall all the other happy times that I used to visit both grandad and her at their home which is so much nicer.
Have you told your mum how much this all means to you right now and how miserable it is making you feel. The one thing you don't want to do is be so miserable that you don't concentrate on your exams as that would be such a waste of all the time you have studied throughout the last year. Do talk to your mum as she is the one who got you back in touch with your grandparents and try talking to your grandad over the phone as well and tell him how you feel right now. You could always ring your gran if she is able to listen to the phone and tell her how you feel, a phone call and saying that you care is just as important as a visit and perhaps send her and your grandad a photo of both your brother and you as well as I think your grandad will be feeling it too right now and having the support of his grandchildren will be an enormous boost for him too.
Take care and try not to worry too much right now.
If you want to talk at any time, we are all here for you OK.
BFN
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female
reader, lisa80085 +, writes (14 May 2006):
Hi there,
I am so sorry to hear of your situation and understand what you are going through - my gran has altzeimers and we do not know how long she has to live.
My suggestion would be to write her a letter - I know she is ill but perhaps someone could read it to her? I am sure your gran would not like to think of you throwing away your chances of success (with school) and would prefer that you would do well with your life rather than spending a few hours with her prior to her departure from this world.
Hope this has helped even just a little bit.
Kindest regards
Lisa
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