A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello, will try to make this short..I live in the UK and have all my life. I have some family in Canada, and growing up I saw them maybe once every couple of years. My father's uncle (my great uncle, Rob) lives in Canada with his wife April. April and I are not blood related, she's my great-aunt-by-marriage I suppose. April has a sister, and this sister has a nephew named Kurt. All of them have always lived in Canada, and I am not related to the sister or Kurt.Anyway about 5 years ago I met Kurt for the first time when I moved to Canada for studies and we sort of..got on together. We've now been dating 5 years, very happy, planning a wedding, everyone in our families know/are supportive.However sometimes I get pangs of weirdness. Sometimes I feel a little disgusted with myself and think "God he's almost like my cousin! How can I be engaged to him?!"I try to make myself feel better by saying, we never knew each other growing up, I'm not blood related to his mother or his aunt, I'm only related to (technically) his uncle, but even he's only my great uncle and not one I grew up very close to either.I know it's too late because we're getting married and I love him very much but I have never been able to shake this gross feeling like I'm doing something wrong or incestuous. What do I do??
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female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (25 August 2011):
 unless i have misunderstood - there is absolutely NO blood relation here. there is no way its incest. why have you gone through a relationship with him though for 5 years and got engaged and NOW you are worried about an incestuous link? sometimes when we are in a relationship for a number of years we get a feeling that the partner is more like a sibling than a lover, just coz you are so familiar with them and maybe a little bit sexually bored and bored in the relationship. if this is the case, mend it or end it before you get married. do you think you could be scared of the thought of spending the rest of your life with him and maybe you are curious what it is like to be with other guys?
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (25 August 2011):
 It isn't incest. Do you know what incest is? You aren't blood related to this man. You don't feel for him like you feel for a brother either... so no, there's really nothing that reminds of incest in this situation.
Maybe you are experiencing nervousness before the wedding?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2011): Incest is seen as different things by different societys. Some think it's just between people in your household, between any blood member or even extending to adopted parties.In my honest opinion, I don't think this is incest. Many people don't even know their relatives that far out! So, I don't think you are doing anything wrong. Plus, recent studies have suggested that incest between close family members does not increase the risk of deformities to children - just incase that was a worry!However, no matter how many people tell you you're not doing wrong, it is your mind you will be battling against. Have you talked to your partner about how you feel about it?
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