A
female
age
30-35,
*hrowaway892406
writes:He’s 28, I’m 27. We were together 4 years and he left me 6 months ago. He's now in a relationship an 18 year old. He’s kept in touch with me all the time since our break up (always him initiating).Last week he told me he misses me and that he knows he’d want us to be together if it wasn’t for how bad he felt for leaving me, and felt the reason keeping us apart is because I deserve better.Since then he’s been contacting me daily, sometimes two or three times a day even, and I asked him what he meant by what he said last week. He said he was sorry he brought it up and said something stupid. He said he isn’t trying to toy with my emotions, that he does miss me an awful lot and felt bad us being apart because he meant it.I told him he’s with someone else now and needs to focus on her now, that this shouldn’t be said while he’s in a relationship. Then he said it came across worse than it meant to, and didn’t mean it in a betraying way to his new girlfriend, he just meant that we were together for a long time and that those feelings don’t just disappear. He said he was worried that I think he’s trying to screw with my feelings and said that would be f***ed up. Then it appeared like he had a realisation and he said ‘oh god… I didn’t even think about it like that…’ He apologised and said he didn’t mean it in the way I thought (him wanting to be back together) and said he said the wrong thing, was stupid and now is angry with himself.I told him I want him to give me space and to not contact me. He said he understands and that he’s sorry. I got angry and said ‘you should be’ and he got upset and said how about he does us both a favour and just effs off, that he effs everything up anyway.Trust me, I'd much rather not have feelings for this confusing man. You have to understand I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with him, we had a business together and we 'got' each other like nobody else did. When he left me, it was so out the blue and out of character and he's transformed into this immature and confusing mess of person. He has even chosen to be unemployed. I think him being with someone younger allows him to not have to face adult responsibilities. I no longer recognise him... It's been hard and remembering the man he was is what has kept me hanging on...Since last week when he told me he wanted us to be together, it got my hopes up that we could work things out and that this much younger girl was just a rebound and a mistake. But his he has back those words about him wanting us to be together and now I'm angry and confused.What would possess someone to say they want to be together, but then say they didn't mean it like that? You simply don't tell them you want to be with them if you don't, simple as!
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (6 April 2017):
 He is messing with your head, but the worst thing is you are letting him. He ended your relationship because he does not want to be with you, he is with his other girlfriend now because he wants to be with her. He just doesn't want you to move on and find someone else so he is still keeping in contact. He doesn't want to be with you, but he doesn't want anyone else being with you either and taking his old place. Stop allowing him to use you like this. Yes you had a past and you thought you where going to be together forever I get that, I had the same. But you need to see now that it is over, it has been six months it is time for you to move on from him.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2017): I am so sorry you have to trough this He's confused with his own feelings, its true that 4 years of relationship didn't just go awayHe still care but like a family not as a lover What he miss is how close and comfortable you two were and your presence in his life but not as a lover but more like a friend or familyYou should let him be, if he's acting irresponsible and you don't know who he become anymore than there is no regret, you don't want to get married and start a family with a irresponsible man.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (1 April 2017):
 He is stringing you along.If he KNOWS, that you were meant to be together then why did he leave you for someone else? Does that make any sense to you? Because it doesn't to me.Stop listening to anything this guy has to say. BLOCK and delete him, remove him from your life because he's doing nothing but stopping you from moving on. Exactly what he wants from this contact.Take him up on his offer of Effing off and tell him not to come back whilst he's at it. As long as you're in contact with this ass, you will NEVER move forward.
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A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (1 April 2017):
 He initiates contact with you because he finds his rebound 18 year old GF boring and unfulfilling. There's only so much bimbo a man can take before he starts to reflect what he had. A person comes to realise what that other person meant to them after they’re gone?
It’s confusing for anyone after a break up and what you’re witnessing are his confused emotions; wanting what he had with you, feeling remorse for his poor actions towards you and seeking selfish consolation by asking your friendship. This is where you need not take things literally as there is confusion all round him, whereby you end up confused.
I don’t think it wise to be his friend or listening ear (as it’ll only be something on the side) until he sorts out his current unemployed status, relationship woes and future. Once he finds his own two feet you‘ll be discarded? Best to move on now as you’ve been doing.
Plus I think you hit the nail on the head about; "him being with someone younger allows him to not have to face adult responsibilities." Yet surprise surprise, he turns to you because you’re the mature responsible person he’s known to rely on.
Take Care - CAA
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (30 March 2017):
 What made him say it?
To KEEP you around. To PREVENT you from moving on like HE has with a new partner.
He doesn't "want" to BE with you but he also doesn't want YOU t obe with anyone else. It's a totally SELFISH mindset and I would advise you to WISH him well and cut the contact 100%.
He is jerking you around AND in a sense his new GF too. All because he is a selfish and immature guy. Yes, he probably IS with a younger girl because of his maturity level. An 18-year-old GIRL will not question him in the same way as someone in their late 20's.
Honey... It's time to LET him go and find your OWN path WITHOUT him. If you want a relationship, don't hold out hope for this ex-bf. There are GOOD reasons why you two broke up, my guess? You grew up, he didn't.
Do you want a partner in life? Then STOP wasting time, emotions and energy on this EX-bf. He isn't it. He WAS a partner for a while but no more. Getting back with an ex rarely works out long term. Too much water under the bridge and compatibility issues. Especially if you HAVE outgrown him.
TALK is cheap, OP. Telling you he LUUUUVS you and want to BE with you... it's BULLSHIT. In the moment he said it he MIGHT have meant it, but deep down I think it's to keep you HOPING and to KEEP you around, JUST in case the new GF doesn't work out. Then you will be the fallback girl.
Want more for yourself.
Chin up.
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