A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey, basically my cousin whos like a brother to me and I have always been rather close. However since hes got with his recent gf hes strayed away from everyone, ALOT. Also away from his religion. Hes had gfs before and has refrained from sex unless they were serious, he always didnt flaunt it or see it as something that was important. However the girl he got with I cannot stand. Shes slept around alot and he changed suddenly when he got with her, slept with her after 2 weeks even though she clearly wanted it before when she knew he was a strict Christian. Hes was always the quiet type but also since hanging round with the people he has his attitudes changed.Thing is he isn't even discreet or respectable anymore, he slept with her after only 2 weeks and its obvious that hes sex mad. He puts random funny videos theyve made on facebook, however the funny side is ruined by the fact he says stuff like soak my **** well you get the jist. Hes always been extremely happy n passionate about his beliefs but im scared he changed cuz he felt like he would be liked more if he was like the rest. I dont know why he suddenly sex mad but it worries me that if they ever part he'll sleep around and things. I know its nothing to do with me but im concerned. I dont know whether shes made him change or whether this is the real him forever, i hope not :( it just shows what hes into now, hes 22 as well. Is this a phase? Shes everything he once would never touch and hes turned into everything he once hated. He really isn't my cousin anymore hes just a sex mad male with no identity. Im worried, i understand Christianity isnt for everyone but its out valued and beliefs. Please could you give me some guidance. Thank you
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2013): the commentator is saying "most males are sex mad at 22". Well what about that girl in this question, is n;t she sex mad if she is sleeping aroud. It is so easy to generalize men as STEROTYPE in media, film etc as dumb girl chasers. But nothing is said about the girls sleeping around and chasing boys.
Anyway, the answer to this is that let the current phase die out slowly. If you something to him, he will react back at this time.
After six or 12 months you people may plan an outing /picnic /gettogether at remote riverside/moutains etc (break from normal routine), and involve you brother without his gf. No phones/internet allowed on picnic. Talk to him over there with nostalgia about past golden times, about family bondings, about his girl friend, his changed attitude. Remember no mobile sets, no facebook, no internet allowed for few days for anybody on such family trips.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (15 June 2013):
 Most males are sex mad at 22 :), your cousin is unexceptonal. I understand that what makes him different is his strong Christian values he was faithful to.. before the Gf arrived on the scene and you wonder how could it be so easy for him to discard them.
Well, a possibility is that they weren't really that strong to begin with. Not to disparage your religion, or any religion as for that, I have deep respect for any spiritual path a person may choose to find peace and happiness, but that's the problem with religions, they are largely a cultural construct, not a personal choice. If you grow up in a Christian family and are taught Christian values and hang up with Christian friends etc., it's simple, easy and automatic to " wear " those values ,like a suit- without really owning and making them yours deeply in your spirit.
Then, something new and exciting comes along,.. a sexy girlfriend, but also a new friend, a philosophy, a political party, which resonates more with the real you, and it's easy to shed the old " suit " because after all is just a suit, not your flesh and skin.
Or else, like you say, it could be just a rebel, let's- have - fun phase that he will outgrow once it's over with the temptress who inspired ( although , I am not too convinced about that, I think it is actually really really hard to tempt those who do not WANT to be tempted ). Maybe he is just sowing his wild oats now, and later on he'll look back with a certain embarassment and regret to his current antics. There's really no way to know, and as a cousin, don't be harsher than your God would be, God hates the sin bit loves unconditionally the sinners, for whom forgiveness is always available , no matter what. So don't judge your cousin worse than God would do. Accept that he is an adult and has the right to live according to his own values and choices which you don't approve .Pray for his peace and happiness, and trust that, IF they reside in him finding his way back to his previous Christian values, eventually that's what will happen.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2013): He's changed for now. Sounds like you don't talke to him much anyway so stop stalking him on facebook and telling your family about it.
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