A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi,i just have a question, specially for a man out there. Please just let me know what can you really say about this, im a widow, i have a boyfriend now for almost two years. He is divorce cos his ex wife cheated on him. Thats not my point here. My point is, he have a house, i have my apartment where i use to live with my late husband. I mean my husband own this place which is mine now. That still not my question. So, here is my fact. I had a life before with my husband, my husband and me really had a great marriage and i do really proud of it. But i do love my bf now and i respect him so much that i took out the big wedding photo frame of me and my husband on my apartment wall and change it to the small simple picture of me and my husband. This is my way of respecting my late husband as this is anyway our place together. My bf house doesnt have any single of his picture together with his ex wife in his own house, but i guess it must be like that since she cheated on him i think he will be stupid if he still put her picture in his house. The thing is, everytime my bf visit me at my apartment, he is always complaining that my late husband still living with me and looking at him everytime he see his small picture. My question is" what is that all about mean to him? Is he really jealous on my husband who is already not living amymore in this earth? I love my bf and i know he know that and he believe that and i know he love me too, but what is that all about that he is jealous on the picture of my late husband. You guys ut there, is that mean that you are really serious to this woman if you are reacting like that? Just curious here, please thanks...
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divorce, ex-wife, his ex, jealous, wedding Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2017): Let's play this which probably won't work with you, regardless of what his ex did.What would you think if you went today over to visit your bf, and there was a picture of him and his ex up? You don't need to answer cause everyone here knows the answer. You'd be livid.Well how is it any different for him? Who cares what the reason is? Your pics of his and go into a scrapbook, it doesn't matter, you should worry about the respect of your current bf, who is still living on this planet, while trying to be respectful to your dead husband.You have shown great disrespect to your living boyfriend, I'm surprised he still talks to you.It sounds like you should properly grieve your husband, then try datingSorry I'm just a little heated, thinking if it was me in your bf shoes,but what do i know?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2017): A good partner WOULD understand that her deceased husband will always own a piece of her heart. It would be the same thing if it was a picture of her mother or father or sister or brother who passed away.The poor man lost his life. He is no longer here, living and breathing like the rest of us. Maybe the boyfriend could have some empathy for the fact he died. And the fact she was mourning the man she chose to spend her life with. He was important to her and he should respect that.Yes, he will come in second. And in order to be her boyfriend, as I said, he needs to be a certain type of a guy. Not a selfish, self centered man. If he feels that way, he is not considering her feelings at all. Or cares about her at all.He needs to support her and allow her to share the memories with him. If he is a smart guy, he will know this is the road to take to gain more favour with her. The road of adversity never ends well. Some guys would understand and some would not. She needs the kind of a guy who WOULD.They ARE out there.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2017): I disagree with all the comments. I think the message you are sending out to your partner is my heart belongs to my deceased husband and you are just here because I can't be with my husband anymore. It's the truth and i'm sure he is very aware of it but its not something that he needs to be reminded of everytime he visits. It sounds like you are struggling with allowing yourself to love someone again due to fear of dishonouring your husband but i'm sure your husband would want you to love someone with your whole heart the way you loved him. In the meantime though you probably need to date a man who also views you as someone to be with because they can't be with the love of their life.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2017): My mother died. My dad puts her pictures up everywhere. Find a guy who appreciates it
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2017): It's okay to have a picture of your late husband. He was a big part of your life and he will always own a piece of your heart. I am very sorry for your loss. Your boyfriend, who is behaving like a selfish, self centered child, just cannot seem to get that through his head.
It's nice to have pictures of your boyfriend too. I recommend that. But he shouldn't object to whom you have pictures of in your own apartment. The choices are yours, not his. And he should respect this. If it bothers him that much that he creates waves, then he's just a dick who doesn't deserve your time.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2017): Thank you so much all of you. I am the one who wrote this. Just don't know how to reply back here. Yes I put also lots of pictures of me and my bf now at my place. Our holiday in America. And yes I'm planning to print a big one to put it on my wall.. I thought something is wrong with my decision. But thank you so much to all of you.
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female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (13 February 2017):
 Congratulations on handling a very tricky situation so sensitively.
Your boyfriend has to understand that you had a life before you met him. Just because your husband died does not take away from the happy years you two shared. You have already compromised by taking down the large picture. He should not expect you to put away the small picture as well, especially as this is YOUR apartment. That would be almost like an insult to your husband's memory.
Explain to your boyfriend that you will not pretend all those years with your husband meant nothing. You will always love him, even though he is no longer with you. However, now you love your boyfriend too and he is not in competition with your husband.
Perhaps you could put up a large picture of you and your boyfriend, where you were both happy, and see if that makes him feel more secure?
If he carries on complaining about the one small picture of your husband, then I think you really need to look closer at what sort of a man he is if he cannot empathise with you on such a basic need.
Good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2017): I think you should leave that small picture of your late husband up out of respect. Just make sure to put up some photos of your boyfriend as well.
As you say, it is not the same as a divorce, if it were a divorce then you take it down. But he passed away and you will always feel fondness for his memory, and you should. I understand why it makes your new boyfriend a bit jealous, but he will have to control his jealousy.
You did the right thing taking down the large photo and keeping the small one out instead. I think that is a good compromise.
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