A
female
age
18-21,
anonymous
writes:Ive been with my boyfriend for a year and a half. After 5 months in the relationship I slowly started unraveling a kind of lie by ommission. Turns out he is a very dirty person. He doesn't wash his teeth. Takes baths once every two weeks and wears the same clothes for lots of days. And because he also has a long haired dog, hair is everywhere on him. I don't know how I didn't see it before and I am at my wits end and very embarrassed. I have tried talking to him in a polite manner about it and then in a more straight up way but not many things have changed. When we go out to eat and we are talking, the smell takes over and even other people start to notice. Everyone except him. I myself am a very clean person and get very very triggered by it. I love him too much to leave him because of it. What do I do? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2023): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your answers. To give a little background about my boyfriend. As some of you kinda guessed, he was raised like this. After meeting his family it became more apparent than ever. He lives in a family of 4.Father, mother, brother and him. They also have two dogs. The house is constantly dirty. Clothes unwashed for whole Weeks. Takeout food that has mold on it. No homenade food like ever. Usually some dog urine or poop on the floor. Very very smelly house. I do not go there as my heart cannot take what I see. In regards to more intimate things. We usually book a hotel and embarrassingly as it may sound, I make him take a bath before anything. Kissing is off the table everytime he doesn't wash his teeth. And the same for hugs. He doesn't suffer from depression or anxiety. And to an extent the environment he still live in doesn't do him any good. I try to help any way I can and I always say to myself that unlearning some habits that you raised with is very hard. In 1 year he is going to be a soldier and I hope that he will maybe feel the need to do smthing about it and in 2 years time we will be moving together. I just hope things will get better.
A
male
reader, kenny  + ♥, writes (27 February 2023):
 Like the other aunts said this could be a sign of depression. Also it could be all he knows, it could be growing up he was never told to wash, or look after himself and he has taken this into adulthood.
Its good that he has got you to look out for him, it sounds like he needs it. How do you manage when it comes to intimate matters, i mean i assume that you guys kiss and stuff.
You could treat him to a new item of clothing. You could book him in at a hygienist, this might impel him to start brushing his teeth.
At the end of the day you can try to help, book this, and book that, and offer advice. But at the end of the day the only person that can help him is himself, he needs to take that step.
If he is not willing to make that step and help himself do you think you can carry on in this relationship like this. By your own admission you say your at your wits and and embarrassed.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2023): You love him but does he love you enough to try and start making small changes? Do you really see yourself with him long-term? Assume that he won't change... And most likely he won't... And I won't go into the psychological aspect of it because it's very likely that he's depressed and that's another conversation altogether. But assuming he won't change, do you really think you can stay with him, go out in public with him, even introduce your parents to him? Love isn't always enough, my dear girl; there are times you have to be practical and this is one of those times. He doesn't notice it because to him it's normal and that's the scary part.... The extent to which he's normalised being dirty.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek  +, writes (27 February 2023):
 Sometimes a person not taking care of themself can be signs of depression or even mental illness. Is this possible in his case or does he just not care? Do you think he has always been this way? I can't believe his parents would not have seen that he was clean when he was a child. Honestly? If he does not listen to you then there isn't a whole lot you can do. You either put up with it or you end the relationship. My ex husband was an alcoholic and he got to the point where he would not brush his teeth or shower and would go for weeks at a time wearing the same clothes. It was really disgusting and gross but we could not make him change his ways. He was an alcoholic...I don't know what your boyfriend's reasoning is but its not pleasant being around someone like that!
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