A
male
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone,I made a mistake a few weeks ago and I have felt absolutely horrible about it ever since. I was out drinking at the bar with some friends and a girl who I've been friends with since we were young. I'd always been somewhat attracted to her, but never acted on those feelings. That night, I got the feeling that maybe there was some chance for us and made a move while we were dancing. We were dancing quite close and I grabbed her butt, which she seemed ok with, and I tried to kiss her but she turned away. She then told me that we were not going to kiss, we had been friends forever and it shouldn't happen. After that I completely stopped any advances and apologized to her. Later on we said our goodbyes for the night and I apologized again, she said it was ok but obviously it had just happened and we were all still drunk.Ever since that night, I feel disgusted with myself. I gave her space for a few weeks and then sent her an apology. I felt it was important to do this while sober and once some time had passed. She thanked me for apologizing but said I crossed a line and that cannot happen again, it doesn't matter if we were all drinking or had been friends forever. I agreed with her completely and said I understand my actions are inexcusable, and it will not happen again.I feel like now it is best to leave it for a while, for both of us. I just feel like some kind of a predator, or that I've assaulted her. Just typing that makes me feel ill, it's the exact opposite of the kind of guy I've always tried to be. I feel gross looking in the mirror or thinking about my actions. How bad is what I've done, and does anyone have advice for the future?Thank you
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2022): Correction of typos:
"As men, we have to always be cognizant of our behavior around women and children; due [to] our physical-strength, and all the perceived or confirmed notions regarding masculinity."
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2022): You are showing the signs of being a good-person. You have a sense of remorse and a conscience. You are feeling exactly what you should be feeling for what you've done. Being drunk is only an excuse; but if you're drinking to the point of excess, you still maintain full responsibility for your actions. That's not just my opinion, that's the law.
You realize the ramifications of what you did. You are fortunate she wasn't offended to the degree she filed charges. As men, we have to always be cognizant of our behavior around women and children; due our physical-strength, and all the perceived or confirmed notions regarding masculinity.
You made a mistake, and it is unlikely you will repeat it. I think staying away from her might be a good idea. She has to get it out of her mind, and emotionally recover from it; you need room to gradually forgive yourself. Even as a man, it's a violation of your person; if someone gropes you without permission, or attempts to kiss you while you're in a vulnerable state of mind. You didn't commit a crime, unless she felt that violated.
Give yourself a break, but hold-on to the remorse long enough for it to establish a boundary in your subconscious-mind that you will never cross again.
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