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female
,
anonymous
writes: Should I leave my fiance? The other night we were watching a movie and everytime a "hot girl" was on the screen he would say something like "she has a nice body", etc. I've already told him that this bothers me, but he won't stop and says that all guys do it. Today, he said that this weekend at parties he is probably going to joke with girls like "do you want to play doctor with me?" and said that it is completely normal and okay and that all of his friends do it. I said I'm not dating his friends, and that I think it is disrespectful. I've also noticed that when we go out he will stare at other girls in front of me! Is he just falling out of love with me? Because I don't remember him acting like this at the beginning (we have been together 10 months). I want to know if I should waste another minute with him. I've seen other guys so in love with their girlfriends that they don't even notice other girls walking by! Why can't that happen to me?!
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (9 May 2008):
 Men are like wild stallions and they need to be domesticated.
If you tell him your limits and boundaries,
then he should know it and should not do it our of respect for you.
If he cannot be tamed, then you should set him free.
Wild horses will be wild horses...
You either love them or hate them.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2008): i think he sounds like my boyfriend was when we first got together, before we met he was a bit of a slag and even when he was with me he would be all over ther girls until it got to me that much i just left and told him i wanted somone i was enough for !
My boyfriend ended up seeing that this was something that really bothered me and he changed a bit, to be honest i still don't trust him out with the lads and i struggle to belive he can go from big slag to one woman man but things are better and i'm happy - make him aware of your feelings and make sure he listens!!!!!
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A
female
reader, XXpussycatXX  +, writes (1 September 2007):
hey alrght hun.me again.
this is sort of inappropriate but it depends how close of friends that he is at the end of the day if he is only jokin then it is only a bit of fun.but can you tel how serious he is?/ have you spoken to him about it??? and said tat it makes you feel uneasy??? i dont really know what to say to tis situation only the fact is that he is only jokin but how do iknow???? you should just really play along with himand you play nurse..........
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhen he said he would ask to play doctor jokingly with other girls he said he meant girls that were his friends. Is this still inappropriate though?
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2007): oh boy, I used a date a guy who would always look at other women, google them and say things out loud. Do you know why he did this?1) He was immature. Yes, at 45 years old. 2) He had no class. He thought he did. Boy was he wrong.3) He had no respect for me. And I didn't have any for myself, that's why I stayed. I was an idiot with low self esteem. Don't take this crab. There are men out there who wouldn't dream of behaving like this. I mean, a really good guy will NOT do this. Yes, it is cruel. He's pushing to see how far he can get with this. It's starts with this and then other disrectful things will follow. Like having an affair with some other woman. Don't be a fool. Dump his sorry ass right now.
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A
female
reader, XXpussycatXX +, writes (31 August 2007):
right first thing first luv....my boyfriend is the biggest culprit of eyeing up the ladies we could be in the car in a full blown conversation and he will start eyeing up a girl and i will be like what the it does bother me but at the end of the day he is with me and i cant stop him eyeing up the girls.......lie you cant stop yours all you need to remember is that he is with ypu and no one else it is healthy for him to eye up girls and as far as it goes to watching fit girls onn tele they are only stars no chance in hell is he going to meet them is there........... trust him hunni and let him get on with it the more you preach the more he will do it and the more he knows it getting to you...just do it your self back.
xxx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2007): if you're thinking of breaking up with someone you planned to spend your life with over something as trivial as a little flirting and looking then you need to re-evaluate your relationship. most men look as do most women. its no big deal
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A
female
reader, finchy +, writes (31 August 2007):
 dont worry so much :)
if me and my bf are watching movies he will say " o shes hot i would" so i jst say him "yea, shes awrite but shes nt as gd as me ;) or yeah she hot... i think i would too"
xx Finchy xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2007): I think you're guy is being a little bit selfish to say the least - he might think it about these women but he's rubbing it in and its the kind of thing he would say in the company of his mates..... not his fiancee. In return if I were you I would comment on every guy you see that's 'hot' and say 'wow he's got a great bod'. See what kind of reaction you get. He might realise what he's doing then. Either way - its not respectful of him and you should be questioning whether or not you want to marry a guy who already shows signs of disrespecting your feelings. This kind of behaviour tends not to improve but get worse.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2007): i was with a guy who did this he even had the cheek to try and chat a women up in front of me and look at women on the net in front of me,no respect,he has now gone off with someone else says it all really.
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female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (31 August 2007):
 I would definately postpone the wedding until he learns how to be more focused on the woman he plans to wed. If he's acting like this now, it'll only get worse later. I'm thinking he still has some wild oats to sow.
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A
female
reader, penta  +, writes (31 August 2007):
 Saying "she has a nice body" about a girl on the screen shouldn't bug you (unless he's also drooling when he says it). He's NOT thinking he'd rather be with her than you, so don't take it that way. Pretend he's commenting on art (which given the post-production air-brushing/ photoshopping work that happens these days, it's more art than life anyway). Don't worry about this part.
Normally I would say that guys look, and that you shouldn't worry about it. And I do believe that. But "do you want to play doctor with me?" is beyond just looking, and steps over the line. It is especially not okay after you've said it bothers you.
It's NOT "completely normal" to flirt (which is what he's doing) with other girls when you're dating someone, and you're right to point out that you're "not dating his friends." If it didn't make you uncomfortable that would be one thing, but you've told him that it does, and continuing the practice means he's not showing you any respect. It's a warning sign, in my opinion.
All guys are on their best behavior at the beginning of the relationship. It slips after a while. (Women do this too.) It could be that he was making a point to not flirt/ogle women at first, but now has relaxed. If this is the case, it will get worse not better. If you can't come to some kind of compromise then yes, you should leave him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2007): It can happen to you, just not with this kind of person. He is intentionally trying to make you feel bad. He is telling you that at a party he is going to flirt with other girls & ask if they want to play doctor with him? What a douche bag. How old is this guy, like 13? If some guy (especially who had a girl) came up to me & said that I'd tell him to go get a f-ing life. My fiancee never even talks about other women, and I've known him 7 years. He has never once stared at other women or said anything like that a woman was hot. He is trying to belittle you, & make you feel ugly. He is doing so because he is a loser & it makes him feel good to hurt you. And of course he is going to say all guys do it, but no guy that I have ever been with has done that. But I wouldn't date a guy like that. He sounds like a real jackass, and why are you engaged to him especially after only being together 10 months? Do you want to be miserable? The reason he didn't do this in the beginning is because he wasn't comfortable with you yet & now he is showing his true colors & he now knows you'll put up with this. I assume it began gradually & just got worse. You should leave this jackass a.s.a.p. And don't listen to anyone if they tell you that's normal b/c it is only normal if a guy is a jerk.
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