A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm in a six year relationship which has had its ups and downs but mostly happy times, however I recently met someone through a work that I've just clicked with. We have spent some time together (strictly professional) and I think he feels the same, however stopped contacting me directly when I returned home. I believe this is due to him knowing I have a partner, however I can't stop myself from thinking about him. Is this just a crush that will pass and am I better staying safe and keeping it strictly business? I've felt really down and depressed since returning and can't seem to shake it
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2021): Oh-oh! You're deep into the "make-it" or "break-it" phase! That's usually between 3-6 years; but you can stretch-it to seven!
You are appreciating the "novelty" of receiving attention from someone other than the man you've been with for the past six years. Maybe a little neediness has crept upon you?
Well, one thing I've noticed. You didn't say you love the guy you already have.
Our long-term relationships get a little stagnant; and we become complacent, or too contented. The freshness sort of wears-off. You may still love each-other; but mold starts to form on our romance over time. Sometimes we let work, too many disagreements, the usual challenges of life, or boredom steal the excitement and passion from our relationships. Our love-life might become routine or predictable; even though it's still good.
Have you checked the pulse of your relationship? Is it faint, or is it dead?
The deficiency of attention, spontaneous affection, and a low supply of compliments; or maybe too many arguments, might leave you searching for a little kindness from a stranger. Needing validation to boost your self-esteem. You both need to be open and honest with each-other. Have you gotten so used to each-other, maybe you're taking each-other for granted? Are there a lot more "downs" to your "ups and downs," than the relationship can survive?
Don't hang-on for old-time's sake. If it's on it's last-leg, maybe it's time to part?
That means it's time for a real heart-to-heart talk. You may have lost a little faith in your relationship; six years is a long-time! Around the 3rd year, most women start wondering when this dude is going to put a ring on it? "Am I destined to be his perpetual forever-girlfriend, or what???" "Dammit, I've been to five weddings over the past six years; and none of them was mine!"
This is the challenge that comes along from time to time. It's a test of your faithfulness and loyalty to your committed-partner. Temptation is bound to come-along and test how devoted and trustworthy you are. Presuming you do love your boyfriend, but just neglected to say so!
You can either pass or fail the test. There's no in-between. What would you expect him to do in the same situation???
If you're starting to wander, and you're checking-out other guys; maybe your relationship is past it's expiration-date. You better weigh your pros and cons; because it's time to assess whether you feel it's going anywhere?
Girlfriend, this is sooooo typical of "long-term relationship-fatigue!!! You're contemplating cheating; but you still want to hang-on to what you've got...you know...just in-case! The man you've got is a sure-thing; but a little bit of unfamiliar-penis on the side can't hurt...can it? It can ruin everything!
Sweetheart, if you're not the cheating-type; let the hormones settle and the temptation pass.
You're becoming an opportunist. You've got yourself a convenient side-dish.
Meanwhile, you're projecting your neediness onto this outsider; just because he's someone "different." Convincing yourself you're catching special feelings; when it's mainly the pull of temptation brought-on by boredom and complacency. You crave some drama and intrigue...passion!
If you're losing hope about the future of your relationship; deal with that before you find yourself chasing a workplace-fling. You'll end-up cheating, living a lie, and hiding what you've done. Don't do like many who've written DC; who chose to gamble with fate, until one thing led to another. Then you're a full-fledged-cheater! Full of regret and excuses!
If you feel you need to start dating other people; you've got to end the present relationship first. You don't just put it aside; while you dip and dabble on the side. If the man you've got ain't providing what you need; either communicate and address your issues, or breakup and regain your freedom. Take time to get over the breakup; then go pursue other romantic-interests as a single-woman. Travel light, no baggage!
Unless you plan to do it the sleazy underhanded-way. You'll start a fling, and then breakup with your boyfriend; thinking you've already found his immediate replacement. Thus, avoiding a gap without a man and being alone. People who use that selfish scheme will reap what they sow. But you're not that kind of person...are you?
If you still love your man, find a way to revive it. Don't give-up on it on a whim, girlfriend!
Try as you may, but you can't have them both!
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (21 July 2021):
 He was someone new and shiny, basically.
You have been with your partner for 6 years so it is getting a bit routine (nothing bad about that but things get predictable after a while).
The "new" guy might have sensed that you caught feeling and thus HE is sticking to no contact. Which I have to say is the right thing to do. You should take that cue to heart and stick to having a professional relationship only.
I also think you need to examine your current relationship. If it's something you can see yourself continuing you NEED to make THAT your focus, not some guy you crush on. That means spending more time with your current BF, do things together, spice things up. Remember WHY you are together.
Everyone can meet some and think: "WOW that person is amazing!" or a "WOW I really like this person". And you can develop a crush but it will FADE if you LET it fade.
You don't know this new guy all that well. It might FEEL that way but he might now be who you think he is. And in all honesty... it doesn't matter. Because YOU are with someone else.
Focus on what you have, not the other grass. It's not always greener. The greener grass is the grass you WATER.
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