A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm going out with this bloke on and off for over a year now, but what gets to me is he spends most off his time at his ex's house.He says he's there for kids but half of the time the children are not there. He leaves at 8:00 in morning and I don't see him till 7:00pm at night. We said the kids always comes 1st in our relationship. He says he loves me and doesn't want to lose me but sometimes it doesn't feel like that. I think his using me. I'm also pregnant with his baby
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (19 January 2017):
 You don't know where you stand? Let me tell you, he writes to you empty words. He is basically coming home to you at night for a place to sleep and perhaps some sex. If he loved you he would not be with his ex all the time. Be careful he is not also sleeping with her in case you catch an STI. I think you need to prepare for being a single parent as he does not want you, he wants his ex. He is keeping you sweet as he knows you are carrying his child.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2017): He's too unreliable, and you cannot build any trust in a man sharing more of his time and feelings with his other family.
He is making it clear and beyond any doubt, where he plans to spend most of his time. You and your child are not a priority in his life. Your pregnancy was not planned; so he feels no real obligation or commitment to you or that baby.
Some action will need to be taken in the best interest of your child. Oh come on, you know he's not going to kill himself! You can't be that naive and so easily manipulated by men; if you plan to be someone's mother. You're a mature woman, and should read people much better than you do.
He is doing what a lot of no-count losers try to getaway with. Having a harem of women they can run back and forth between. It angers me when women see it with their own eyes and think their nagging and whining has any effect on this bullsh*t. Well, why'd you write a post about it? Because you know he's playing you!
You're not afraid of him killing himself, you're afraid he will go to her full-time. Which is what he's doing anyway.
He makes his obligatory visits to you, so you'll take no legal action for child-support.
He's the typical player, randomly spreading his seed all over the place; and manipulating women who are not strong and independent enough to kick his sorry sperm-donor ass to the curb.
Prepare to be a single-mother, and set the wheels in motion for child-support.
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A
female
reader, 02DuszJ +, writes (19 January 2017):
 Dont listen to the last female anon, telling you to stick with him... that's BS.
HE'S CHEATING ON YOU. I thought at first maybe he's just a cheat with very low morals, but the suicide talk is MANIPULATION. Look at his actions- not his "words" "texts"
If he ACTUALLY cared about you enough to want to kill himself he would be THERE for you.
This guy is honestly a real piece of work... next time he whinges, *emotionally guilt tripping* you into staying with him ask him where HE is when you need HIM?? i.e. when your uncle died.
You need to lean on any family friends and get as much advice as you can about how to bleed him dry. That's ALL he deserves from you, honestly please wake up
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A
female
reader, Fantasy123  +, writes (19 January 2017):
 I think he's using you..if his uncle did die then how long does he spend over at his ex's? I think that being pregnant (congrats!!) has enough of its ups and downs. You want a safe and healthy baby and being safe and healthy yourself too. Take care of yourself. If he wants to kill himself, he needs therapy (tell him so and give him a number to call). Stay away from him because he sounds crazy. Take care of you and the baby that's it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2017): This might work for you!
You are probably lucky to be pregnant at your age but it looks like he has you and the ex on shifts unless he goes to work and then pops in on the ex for a quick catchup.
Now that your pregnant you might as well stick with him and see how far his committment to you goes!
Rope him in on as much antenatal care as possible.
Not all exes are prepared to give their ex a quickie when he shows up because they had their own reasons for exing in the first place.
You could just move forward a day at a time and see what the future holds!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionEvery time I say it's over he tells me his got nothing to live for n say his gonna kill his self I didn't get pregnant 2 keep him it just happened my uncle died the other day n he still rather spend time down there n all he dose is txt saying he misses me n that he loves me so I don't no were I stand at this moment in time
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A
female
reader, 02DuszJ +, writes (18 January 2017):
A user? This guy is callous! Where's your sense?? Running off to his ex EVERY DAY when the kids aren't even there??Its staring you in the faceHe THINKS you're weak and stupid enough to pull the wool so close to your eyes. NOT a nice guy.You're not stupid but how tinted are your rose glasses? I think you have some self esteem issues and emotional dependency on him, and have been in denial to the harsh black truth. Everyone's done it :/Even if he's not being physical with her (99/9% likely, why else no kids?) seeing her this frequently without the kids is at the very least emotional cheating.Like the others said, he thinks you'll just stick around as a back up, a warm bed... NO. All you need from him is child support payments for the kid he knocked you up with. https://www2.dwp.gov.uk/contact-cmoptions/en/contact.aspThe link above I hope helps. What I would do is keep this under wraps that you're planning to leave him, and research how to claim child maintenance from him- I'm almost certain the biological father has to legally provide as much child support as he can afford. Dont let on to him until you have a plan, try and act normal. He may try and screw you over. Although he does have to pay child maintenance. Any questions hopefully the link above helps. I'm.sorry about this situation you're in, it's heartbreaking. Its not a reflection on you, he's a cheating s*** Just remember the years and years of different forms of abuse women put up, and be lucky you've been given the light this early. Your priority now is loving yourself and your child. Stay strong because you're yhr best person for this role.Take care and good luck.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 January 2017):
 I too think YOU need to prepare yourself the be a single mom. Why on Earth you would procreate with this fella is kind of beyond me.
Why?
Well, it's NOT a stable relationship - you said so yourself. It's on/off. It's only been a year.
Secondly, he spends most of his off time with his ex. Seriously? You thought a baby might change that?
He doesn't want to lose you because right now he has two women CATERING to him. The ex-wife AND you. He thinks you won't go anywhere as you are now knocked up.
You have PUT yourself in this situation by dating a guy who has absolutely blurred lines in his relationship with women.
You are his side dish. My guess is when you two are OFF, he is spending even MORE time with the ex-wife. So he has some kind of revolving door policy with her and presumes with you too.
Sorry, he is NOT going to BE there for you and the baby in the way you WANT him to be. You will always play second fiddle to this ex-wife, their kids. And so will your child.
If I were you? I'd rather raise that baby by myself than with a man who is a "half-assed" partner. What good is he? He just sleeps at your house but the rest of his time he spends at HER house.
What a mess.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2017): You're with a guy "on and off for over a year." So why are you pregnant? Did you think that would tie him down and keep him from his ex and other kids? I see no real commitment here; and "on and off" is only casual.
If he spends more times with his ex, why are you still with him? You say he says he loves and doesn't want to lose you? Does he explain why he prefers spending so much time away from you?
Set the legal wheels in motion for child-support; and dump the boyfriend. Pregnancy will not trap a man into love and devotion; it gives him cause to fight or flee. If he says he loves you and doesn't prove it with his actions; those are only empty words. Prepare to be a single-mom.
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