A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:In 2013 my partner and me split up, he met someone else become engaged and ended up having a little girl with his new gf, which is completely understandable. I only found out due to my friend seeing them both out and about, with her other children and the new baby. To cut a long story short he last year got back in contact with me and have seen each other a few times... as far as I'm aware of they are no longer together... but what I seem to have more of a problem about is him telling me about the engagement and baby girl. I have dropped many hints I know and have said my friend has seen you etc but he denies it and says why would I have a kid with someone else?I would rather him tell me the truth than lie to me... are men just to scared to tell the truth or could it be like my friend say....he likes me still buy doesn't want to hurt me. To which my reply is we had split, anything can happen between the years we had not been together I just don't understand... is it me being stupid to worry about it I honestly don't mind I just want him to tell me, and not say why would I have a kid. Hopefully he never retreats having the kid ??
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2017): Either he is lying or your friend was mistaken. My friends and family have children whom I've been with while with my wife, a friend from the past could easily assume one of the kids was ours!
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (21 January 2017):
 It is, of course, totally possible that the baby your friend saw him and his partner with was not actually theirs. They could have been looking after it for someone (close friend/family member?). There again, it could have been theirs. As this guy doesn't seem to be forthcoming with much information, who knows?
That aside, why are you seeing him again? What does "seen each other" mean? (Coffee? Lunch? Date? Sex?) You don't even know if he is still with his ex or not. What sort of a tangle are you getting yourself into?
Darling, you deserve better. Why are you underselling yourself?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2017): To be honest, if you're split, I don't know what difference it makes whether he's lying or not?
Lies are told to protect the liar. It's not to anyone's benefit to lie, or to be lied to. It only delays the truth until it reveals itself. By that time, the discovery of betrayal combined with the truth feels even worse. Nothing is better than the truth.
You're just a side-piece, and foolish enough to get involved with an ex you should have moved-on from. Now you're regressing back to the point of where you were when you first broke-up. Why did you break-up?
He really owes you no explanations. He's an ex for a reason.
If you feel suspicious; now is the best time to cut all ties.
You already know the truth. Do you want him back so badly because you're lonely; or because you heard he has a baby and was engaged to somebody else?
He can't hide the fact he has a child. He'll eventually have to admit it; and finally introduce you to both his child, and the baby-mama drama that is sure to come with it.
None of this makes any sense. He'd be open and honest if he was up to any good.
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (20 January 2017):
 If he didn't having nothing to hide why lie? Hardly would his lying be to protect you. If you want to know an answer to a question ask, don't drop hints. Come straight out with it. As far as you are aware they have split- spouses looking for a bit on the side are rather clever as to covering up their true relationship status so I'd be very careful with what you think you know and what he would have you believe. Either way, it all kind of sounds a bit dodgy, why open up a can of worms?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (20 January 2017):
 I don't think he is lying to protect you, but to protect himself. I think he believes you rather have a completely unattached fella than one who has a baby momma and a kid.
No matter WHY he is lying, there is NO excuse to lie about having a child. What kind of parent/human being does that? I can tell you... A SUCKY one!
I don't understand why you are wasting your time "hinting" at the girl and the baby, why not tell him straight up that you heard through the grapevine about "Anne and the baby". He obviously isn't going to tell you on his own.
There is a reason you guys split up 4 years ago... What happened then? Did he lie about other things back then? Is this a pattern? And you say "as far as I'm aware he isn't with her anymore".... So you are seeing a guy you are PRESUMING to be single.
And a guy who will lie about having a kid, WHAT else will he lie about? REGARDLESS of WHY he lies, he is STILL LYING!!
Sorry, he doesn't sound like someone I could see a future with.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (20 January 2017):
 Sounds to me like he is wanting to hook up with you again. I doubt he is scared off hurting you he just wants to live the single life and not tell you his private business. I think you should stay clear from him and don't get sexual with him as it seems he is only after one thing here. If he was interested in you he would be open and honest with you.
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