A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi!So basically I'm very interested in a girl, we seem to match well, we have fun when we meet, but I feel it's not really progressing.Whenever I talk to her, she is very warm, thoughtful, asking lots of questions, suggesting things we can do when we meet, and she compliments me a lot etc. When we meet, she seems very happy and we have a good time together. She is always sharing her day with me, pics, videos etc and at the very least i am pretty confident she likes me as a friend, but I'm unsure how much beyond that. When we chat, I feel good, i feel she is interested, but its the frequency that makes me feel not sure.She has only recently arrived in this country and has set up her own business. She is busy with work. If i message her, she will almost always reply. but sometimes she will not reply for a bit, a day, 2 days, 3, 4, 5 etc. then she reaches out again and we chat every day for a while until it happens again.I am fairly confident that she isn't meeting anyone or dating anyone and is actually often very busy with work, so I'm not too bothered by it for that reason, my question is though is anyone ever too busy really if they are interested in more than friends?Due to covid and the restrictions in place (we live 1.5 hours apart in different cities) we perhaps cannot meet that freely and we have a lot of plans for when things are normal, we've managed to meet a few times when the restrictions were relaxed and maybe its natural in that situation to not get too invested and just talk to slowly.However I just can't help thinking that if someone was interested in more than friends then they would probably never focus on their job more. What do you think? Hope you guys have a good Christmas and stay safe
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2020): Original poster here.
Thanks very much for the 2 helpful answers and the 1 (is it 2?) downright weird ones (projecting?)
I appreciate them a lot!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2020): Let me say this before you get some crazy notions in your head! You're likely to offer your help, or tempt her to rush things by moving-in with you. I can tell just by your post you're probably a little impulsive and somewhat hasty.
Being financially reliant on somebody you know is in poor-judgement; and it's absolutely absurd to accept overly generous offers from people you don't hardly know.
Cool your jets, my friend! You are placing too much pressure on her; and she has enough on her plate without you behaving like a horny attention-starved adolescent. I didn't say you are, I said you're behaving like one!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2020): Imagine being a startup-business during covid-19! Small-businesses are failing and closing-down; some are well-established and have been around for ages! Yet, they can't keep-up enough of a client-base or inflow of income to keep them afloat. She doesn't have time for romance, she has to eat, pay the bills, and keep a roof over her head! If a startup-business is her sole source of income, it's no wonder she has no time for idle chit-chat!
You're not a teenager, you know what it takes to survive a killer-economy like this! She only recently arrived in your country to-boot! I think you are old enough to realize she has a lot on her plate. I don't think you need an advice site to help you to figure this out. It's blatantly obvious!
Your timing is bad, and starting a new business seems pretty risky during such a serious down-turn in the global economy. It's a struggling economy practically allover the world!
I can only put it bluntly. The young-woman is in the midst of getting her priorities straight. Basic-survival tops an "iffy" romance hands-down!!!
You're getting all the time she can spare, and it would behoove you to be patient and understanding. Even better than that...more grown-up!
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (20 December 2020):
 Nobody is so busy that they cannot make time to reply to someone for nearly a week. People choose to make time for who or what they want.
Based on the rest of your post, I would question whether these intermittent silences are her way of keeping you from getting too deeply involved. She could be playing mind games. Get you hooked, have numerous conversations, then go silent for a few days. Or she could be trying to figure out in her own mind whether she wants to get too involved or what she wants from this liaison.
Whatever is going on here, I wouldn't invest too heavily in this relationship at this point. Take things slowly. Try to find other interests so you are not so bothered if she doesn't reply to you for a few days. Perhaps don't always reply to HER messages immediately (not to play mind games but so she doesn't think you are just waiting for her to contact you). As I said, just take it easy and don't overthink things.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (19 December 2020):
 There can be so many things in play here.
1. she comes from a different culture so you are not "reading" her right.
2. she is new to your country and was "desperate" for friends but her priority is establishing her business and get on her feet. That would make sense when she is able to talk fairly regular but also at time "ignore" you and do "whatever".
3. you are getting ahead of yourself. You put the horse before the cart here, OP. You want more and you feel she is a good fit. Which is good, except you really don't know her as well as you think. You have seen CURATED glimpses of her and her life in form of videos, chats and posts/texts. That kind of information is basically CURATED by her to sow her at her best. Let's face it, most of us put our best foot forward with new people.
My advice? Don't invest more than you receive. If she can't be arsed to talk to you for 2-3-4 days, do the same occasionally. Try not to make too many "plans" for the future with her. Those can be MADE when there is an actual established relationship or friendship - though... I don't think you can be friends as YOU want more. She might not.
And let's face it, she might NOT have a lot to "share" EVERY DAY! Maybe her life (even with building her own company) is a bit on the boring side from time to time. Like EVERYONE else. We ALL have "downtime" where life is more "mundane" than other days and perhaps she feels she can ONLY share so much without losing her "Mystique".
Lastly, it might BE that SHE doesn't want to get TOO emotionally connected with you because things are still a little... "tits up" these days and it's HARD to maintain a healthy relationship when you BARELY can spend time IN person. I can't imagine how it must be for people dating in these tines "of the Plague".
In the meantime, OP
DO you. Do things you enjoy. Learn a new thing or two. It will keep you busy and make you have more to share with others and a more well rounded person altogether!
You can either ACCEPT the crumbs you get now, and give her back the same "amount" or "investment" (so to speak) or you can tell her you are looking for more. While the second choice is bolder it can go 2 ways - in the toilet or maybe lead to more. There are no guarantees.
Personally, I would rein in my emotions and HOPES that it will lead to more and just enjoy having her in your life right now. Why? Because as things are it's not likely you two can really BUILD on this UNTIL things are overall better. A good solid relationship needs a good foundation. That would include spending a LOT of time IN PERSON together. (IMHO)
To SIMPLY answer your question...
"Is anyone ever too busy really if they are interested in more than friends?"
Generally, no.
But things are not super conducive to building relationships right now. Most people are struggling with this MASSIVE change in their daily lives. Dating is no different.
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