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female
age
,
anonymous
writes: How can I be happy, when 2 of my son is a drug addict,and can die any time? I'm going for counseling , and they are keep saying, that is not my fault, and I should be living my own life, because it is his problem not mine.. I know , we gave everything to them, we could. We have no obvious cause ,why did this happen. But ,it makes me feel very depressed, and cant move on to enjoy life again. Makes me feel guilty, and humiliated... It is also destroying my marriage, because I'm always miserable. My husband cares too, but he is very involved with his work, and it is blanks him out. I quit my job ,due to depression. And I live in total isolation. I'm very sensitive for judgment, and society will always point at parent. We did everything, but no change. What can i do in this situation? THanks
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2010): Why don't you try to get better counselor ? I pretty sure ,you need very good help to survive this! Im so sorry. All you can do, take car of yourself!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2010): Yes we tried ,so many things, but sadly ,after rehab ,they relapsed,several times, and we mortgaged away the house to pay for it. It is a terrible tragedy. And sadly there are people, who would look down on you, because they never had to deal with such a thing. There are so many nice people too. Thanks for those!
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A
male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (30 July 2010):
 I lost a good friend to crack cocaine. He went from someone who I hung out with daily to someone who didn't even recognise me when I said hi. He ended up in jail, and got sober there. I lost touch with him, but the last I saw him, he was still sober, which is a major feat.
Cocaine is biochemically speaking the strongest addictive illicit drug on the market. In lab tests a mouse given the choice to press a bar for a pellet of food, or a hit of cocaine, will always press the cocaine bar. It will even keep pressing it after it no longer gives cocaine. They will press it till they die in some cases.
I hope that your sons can get clean. They will have to really want it. Good luck, stay strong, and don't act as an enabler.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2010): Thanks for answering, the drugs are all of them, but mainly crack cocaine.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (29 July 2010):
What drug are we talking about?
There comes a point in our lives when we make our own decisions. It is extremely difficult to let the ones we love destroy themselves. It is impossible for an addict to see how what they are doing hurts anyone but themselves. I've had many friends fall to drug addiction. It can be very nasty. Unfortunately the only people that can help them are themselves. They will only change if they want to.
You have to cut them off, no matter how much it hurts. You can offer to help them with rehab, or try an intervention, but you should never give them money, or a place to live. You are ten acting as an enabler, or someone who is actually helping them stay addicted.
I don't envy the position you're in. It is somewhere that no parent ever wants to be. The best thing you can do is live your life for yourself now. Let them know you'll always love them, and if they want help, you are here for them, but beyond that cut all ties. It's all you can do until they want to change.
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