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male
,
anonymous
writes: I am a 39 year old man and my marriage broke down in june 2004 in september 2004 i meet a girl that i really liked, she gave me the impression that she had no problem with me being divoiced and supported me thourgh the whole thing. she even played with my son 5 years old. i was very happy and my divoice came through in march 2005. but she has changed she no longer accepts my son and refuses to be near him she refuses to talk about him and thinks that i should not pay any maintenance. I refuse to neglect my son as i love him, but caved in to changing my access so it is a lot less now. is there any organisation i could go to for advise as i really love her and think that this is some form of insicuraty in her rater than a hateriage towards my son?
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2006): Good lord, man-set some tough boundries here with this woman. In order for her to function at all in your life, she is simply going to have to accept your son. No questions asked. In this case, I would think you would be looking for empathy and understanding, not whining and complaining from her. I would really question her motives and her core values as a person. This is a major red flag!
This is the time to sit with your gf and voice your concerns. Tell her how these issues are emotionally costing you. Ask her to listen. Then listen to her. In order for your relationship to fly-you both need to find a way to the same page on this decision. My advice to both of you, is to put your son's needs first, and yours and hers, second. Good luck.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2006): You should never allow anyone to come between the bond you have with your son This girl sounds ridiculous she needs help if she thinks you should spend less time with your son most women would have no problem with that and would encourage it maybe you should find a new girl cause your son should not have to suffer because his dad's girl has issues that is crazy!
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A
female
reader, Dawnest +, writes (9 January 2006):
Your son should be the most important person in your life. Girlfriends will come and go until you find the right one.
tell your new lady that she has to take you warts and all and fit in with your visiting schedule. if she doesnt like it then in all honesty, she isnt the one who has your interests at heart.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2006): Ditch her. NOW. As the non-custodial parent, you're already going to be fighting an up-hill battle to maintain a strong relationship with your son. It sucks, but that's just part of the bad that comes with divorce.
The girl may be great; you may have lots of chemistry. But there are lots of girls, and you only have one son. And he's young, and this isn't the kind of thing he could possibly understand.
If you don't want to regret this FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE go back to seeing your son as much as before - heck, even more, if possible. Tell your girl ahead of time you're going to do this: you love her deeply, but your son was a part of your life before she was and you simply can't be with someone who can't accept him and love him as much as you do. The first time she whines about it, remind her of what you told her before you amped things back up with your son. The second time, end the relationship completely, and don't ever look back.
Please. For your son's sake.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2006): Dont be a fool. Before long you will regret being pushed around by this woman and it will break your heart that you are not spending time with what should matter to you the most...your own flesh and blood. Her behaviour is totally unacceptable, childish, and insulting to you and your son. Tell her that you will continue to see your son on a regular basis, you owe him that. You got divorced, you didnt die. Your son needs you...especially at his young age. Dont let him forget about you.
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A
female
reader, watrbot +, writes (9 January 2006):
Women are a dime a dozen. You only have one son. He should be the most important person in your life. I am a divorced mom and my daughter is the most important person in my life and if any guy has a problem with that, he can hit the road. If your girlfriend was any woman at all, she would understand that you and your son need each other.
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