A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone!Just going to get straight into my question.I'm 20 years old, a university student, volunteered for a political party consistently for three years and don't drink heavily, smoke or take drugs.I got engaged almost two years ago and am planning my 2016 wedding, by which time I will be 23 years old and with my Fiance for 6 years.We still live at home with my mum, dad and sister and are saving for a house of our own but not looking seriously for another year or so.Me and my mum have always been super close but at the moment she's annoying the hell outta me. She moans about my Fiance to me and sometimes I agree with her (he doesn't put stuff in dishwasher, annoying!) but other times it just brings me down. I tell her that they have known eachother for almost four years, we all live in the same house, if she has a problem tell him herself! If she did I know they could resolve it quicker than me being the middle man.My mum also makes me feel really bad for not spending as much time with her as we used to but im busy. Im trying to get my degree, volunteer and make family time. We all have lots of time together but if my Fiances there she thinks it should just be 'us' i.e. me, sister, mum and dad but to me and my sister and dad my Fiance is our family now.The time we do spend together (every Monday night and either Saturday or sunday) she spends it moaning that we don't get time together, wasting the time we ARE having together - what??My Fiance works as a personal bank advisor, volunteers for a political party too and is standing for election, hes a great guy!My mum thinks he makes me volunteer etc but he doesn't. I want/need to for my future. I love her but she should know im my own person. Hell I rarely listened to my parents advice before, let alone anyone else!I guess this is half rant half help!!What do I do??I love my mum tonnes, she's everything I wanna be, except for this recent change in personality - shes going through the menopause too but I need her get a grip lol!
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2014): Tell her then.I went through a similar thing with my mum when I went to uni, we were super close and then you become independent and want to do your own thing and she just wants her 'baby' back. Don't get angry and rant and rave about her, she just misses the time you used to spend together. Accept that she misses you. Yes, your fiance is going to take time, that's life, but she also has to accept that he is a part of your life now. But at the same time, you need to understand that your mum loves you and wants to spend time with you before you move into your own place because when you do, although you'll stay in contact and see each other, it won't be as much as it used to be. Don't be too hard on her but tell her how you feel. She won't know to back off if you don't tell her. And as for the menopause thing, her moods are gonna be up and down, side to side, but remember, you were probably a bit like that as a teenager and she put up with that. Just accept her for who she is, the likelihood is that she hasn't changed, you just didn't see it before and now you want to be you, you're unintentionally pulling away from her. You have to realise that this isn't all her, you both have a part to play and although you don't see it, you're probably the one changing.
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