A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm in love with my ex. We talk several times a week, hook up regularly and have done for more than a year- basically since we broke up. He's cold and distant and at times when we meet up I feel unwanted and like i've become a "friends-with-benefits" situation, but when I confront him and tell him we could just stop seeing each other he becomes indignant and hurt. His parents still think we're together and he takes me along to family events and we hang out with his friends regularly.I cannot stress how much I love him despite the heartbreak, confusion etc.. He's a simple guy, gives me straight answers, admits when he's slept with other women, says honestly he doesn't love me anymore.But we can't seem to break free of each other. When we are together we have a great time, fancy dinners, cinema trips, sailing etcMy family and friends are very against me seeing him and it's causing a huge rift. How do I stop this and either break free or turn it into a relationship again? I'm not going to lie- I do want to get back with him despite everything
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female
reader, Jaeger12  +, writes (29 July 2015):
stop sleeping with him!
I stopped sleeping with my fwb as i had the same "we can't break free of each other" attitude. But then afterwards we actually become real good friends.
Now If I see him, he takes me for a meal and he gets no sex. I feel special instead of worthless and he no longer takes me for granted.
If the friendship is there then it will survive.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (21 July 2015):
 "He's a simple guy, gives me straight answers, admits when he's slept with other women, says honestly he doesn't love me anymore." (then....) "How do I stop this and either break free or turn it into a relationship again?"
The only "honest" thing in your submittal is that ".. he doesn't love me anymore..." All else is "blah, blah, blah..."
When you ask "How do I stop this and either break free or turn it into a relationship again?".... you're deluding yourself in to believing that YOU have a choice to make. You don't (have a choice)..... HE is in total control... and your ONLY choice is ".... how do I stop this?..."
He has no incentive to be nice to you, or to be a "good" boyfriend. You're putting out... so he's got all he wants and/or expects of you. Decide if you're content to be his "bit on the side"... or do you want more? If the latter... then it's time to move on....
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (21 July 2015):
 I agree with SVC.
You should get out of this mess before you get the emotional bruising you have been cruisisng for.
So he's indignant and hurt when you try to break free, h ?
Sorry, Op, last thing I want is to mock you, but... I could not help smirking a little in reading that.
Dogs too get very hurt and indignant when you try to take away from them the juicy bone they are chewing on !!
Of course he is indignant and ( fakes )hurt : how do you dare to try and take his plaything from him ??!
He's got it good with you; not only sex on tap but also a convenient " pretend " girlfriend for attending social occasions. You are giving him the Gf experience , if and when he wants, without the hassles and responsabilities and, most of all, monogamy which come with having a real partner.
And you ? What do you get ? Hartbreak, confusion, and rows with your family !
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (21 July 2015):
 You will never get him back the way you want. Why should he. You give him sex and let him treat you the way you do so that you can have his crumbs of attention.
This will never change. He will continue to take what you give and give you back as little as he can to keep you hanging on.
The best way to end this is to go NO CONTACT. You say "I'm sorry ex boyfriend but this faux FWB is not working for me any more and I need for us to take a long break with no contact" then you do it.
You block his phone number, you block his email, you block him on all Social Media. And you act like he's dead and gone because for what you want he is.
There is nothing but pain and heartbreak in this for you. One day he will meet a woman he WANTS to be with and you his place holder will be cast aside. And you will hurt. In fact, if you let him dictate when you two end it will hurt way more than if you control the end.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2015): Light bulb moment for you: you ARE FWB!
Stop giving in so easily to his demands. Not that you will "turn it" into a relationship,but you might gain a new-found respect for yourself.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2015): "How do I stop this and either break free or turn it into a relationship again?"
Stop putting out for him and see how quickly he disappears.
As things are he enjoys all the benefits of a relationship (regular sex) with none of the responsibilities.
If you think you can f*ck your way back into a relationship with him then you are sadly mistaken. He has no incentive to get back together because he stands nothing to gain from it; he's already getting exactly what he wants from you with no effort required on his part.
It's not that the two of you can't break from each other, it's that you can't break free of him; he knows that and so he's willing to string you along for as long as you're willing to let him, which would appear to be indefinitely.
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