| A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Hi all. I have been married for 8 years. Been together off and on for 16 years. I love my husband. He is the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I grew up with narcissistic parents and placed other people's feelings above mine. My husband and I have 3 children together. And I have placed their needs above mine. I wanted to have a stable home. I wanted my children to grow up with both parents but my husband has been unfaithful. He had an affair in 2018 and that resulted in him possibly fathering a little boy. He is the only man I have ever been with. I forgave him and we moved on with our lives. There have been times that he showed me he could care less for my feelings. I just took it one day at a time. Since the pandemic my husband has changed for the better. But I often feel like a fool for forgiving him. I forgave him so my children would have their father and mother together. At present, I have someone in my life who told me he likes me. I met him through selling insurance and we became friends. He has been respectful. This guy has a decent job as an engineer and owns 4 villas. I spoke to him about what I went through with my husband. Now my husband cheated on me and isn't financially stable. But i don't want to hurt my husband's feelings. Ik he is trying. But i do feel unhappy in our marriage. I can't even post us on social media. Ik my children would be hurt if i move on, ik my husband is trying to be better but what do i do?
View related questions:
affair, cheated on me, move on Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (25 June 2022):
 Good for you OP.
And the money branch was a typo - should have been monkey-branch - you know, swing from branch to branch?
Going from one relationship straight into another rarely turns out good. Because you haven't unpacked your own issues and the issues in the relationship you left BEFORE getting into a new one.
Be that independent woman you used to be. Show your kids that having a family is hard work. I absolutely get the "wanting to stay for the kids" 100%. But would you want any of your kids to do the same in the future? To be miserable and to pretend?
I'm glad you are seeking some counseling. And it's also OK to not want to stay with someone who not only broke your trust, but threw a hand grenade into your family. Because THAT is what your husband did when he CHOSE to cheat.
I wish you the best, OP
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2022): Owns four villas? They could be tiny and run down and not worth much and most guys who own property do not own them at all - they are paying off a loan on them and they belong to the bank or wherever.
You need to see that you and your husband are the situation to sort out. Then and only then do you think about a different guy and you only continue with a different guy if you end it with hubby. Your hubby was wrong to cheat, but it is just as wrong for you to lead him on now, or stay with him as a convenience now.
Honeypie is right. Nice decent guys do not try it on with married women. Most guys nowadays have this fantasy of a married woman being bored with husband and think she is gagging for it, desperate for a man to come along and f*** k her. Nice men would not think that way nor take advantage of such a woman. They would be more respectful of the husband and the relationship and the harm it can do to husband, wife and their relationship.
IF he is such a great catch how come he is single? Either he does not want to be in a relationship at all, and this may be why he prefers to be the sex toy of a married woman,
no commitments or responsibilities, he leaves husband to get you chicken soup when you are ill, he leaves husband to see you a lot and take care of you and spend more time with you, and he just has a bit of nookie now and then? O
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2022): I was all up in my feelings when I came on here. Before I got in a relationship with my husband, there were other prospects who were better off than my husband. I hate being dependent on any man, so to say I want to money branch, nope!
I have even thought about what you said about him not being a great guy because he clearly has no morals since he told me he likes me.
I have to work on myself and get professional counseling. Today it came to my mind that feelings come and go, but love is a choice.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (25 June 2022):
It sounds like you are making up excuses so you can money-branch to a better (hopefully) guy. Someone stable with more money. And you want others to tell you it's OK to leave your husband for the new guy.
I'm, however, not going to do that.
I think it's OK to realize that YOU no longer love, respect, or trust your husband. Cheating will DO that to a person.
But if that is how you feel, you should BE honest with your husband, and either LEAVE or get some counseling.
If you DO decide to stay you need to cut contact with the other dude.
And by the by, the other dude is NOT as good of a guy as you think. He knows you are married, he knows you are unhappy yet what does he do? He confesses he likes you.
To me, that sounds like a guy who is preying on someone vulnuralbe. Not like a great guy. If he is such a catch, WHY is he single?
...............................
|
