A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:He was the third bf. My first ex was my first love - we were together 2 years and I got over him in one year, the second I got over in one month.But this one, we were together just around one year but I can't get over him at all. I was strongly in love with him and I still love him. He wasn't my first love but it seems like he was. Although he claimed I was his first love he was over me in a few days and also found immediately someone new. I feel stupid because I can't get over him and it still hurts - it has been almost one year since BU. I dated new boys, I even had two months relationship, I found new hobbies, new people etc. but nothing works.What to do?
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reader, Silius Sodimus  +, writes (22 January 2013):
I don't know if you are religious or spiritual so not sure what you define as being in love, but there are scientific studies that show the hormones and chemicals in our brain when we are in love/in a relationship are as powerful if not more powerful than heroin. In other words your is "withdrawing" from the hormones that pumped through your body while you were with him, not only that but you were used to being with him, his scent the regularity of seeing him e.t.c he was a part of your life. You had a taste of a real love for someone more so than the others.
I remember meeting a girl who I eventually broke up with and there were aspects of her I hated which caused the break up yet I was so sad about it. Like pinkbunni3xz said, time does heal wounds, eventually he will be a memory, a happy memory but no more than that. It may take days, months even years but eventually it will happen.
I know it sounds like I"m saying it's easy but believe me at this point in time you think your world has crashed down on your head, yet you always crawl out of it thinking "I'm ok, I will live". Hope that doesn't sound too cheesy.
A
female
reader, NORA B  +, writes (1 January 2013):
In love we cannot compare the amount of time it takes to get over past boyfriends ,As they all have different personaility and your amount of involvent would be different wih each boyfriend. But each time there is a breakup there is much hurt and it takes time to heal once again. TIME is a great healer but right now YOU LIVE FOR YOU. Continue what you are doing and the hurt will fade look forward to a New YEAR New Hope .WISHING YOU THE BEST OF LUCK. Nora B.
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A
male
reader, Darrell Goodliffe  +, writes (31 December 2012):
 How long is a piece of string? Seriously? The answer of course is as long as you want it to be. Pinkbunni3x does have a point. You do deserve better than this guy because his words and actions simply dont sync and maybe that is what you cant get over. You gave everything and he gave, how shall we say this, a little less.
I cant help but see this as connected to a self-esteem issue. You say you love him but never actually mention missing him, you do however, mention that you "feel stupid". If your telling is accurate I cant help but conclude he is the stupid one for not appreciating what you were willing to offer him.
All the things you are trying to do to get over him share one thing in common, the one thing that means they wont work, that they are all defined by trying to get over him. In other words he is still the determining factor and the fact that he is so means he is still the centre of your universe.
So, you want to get over him? You need to replace him with another person at the centre of your universe. In the circumstances I suggest you make that person you. Do things that you want to do, that make you happy, maybe do some things you have always wanted to do but never quite had the time, etc, etc, then if you do that you will find time really will heal this one, but be paitent with yourself, dont expect instant results and in time you will move on from this guy. Good luck :)
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A
female
reader, pinkbunni3xz  +, writes (31 December 2012):
I know it sounds really cliche but time does heal all wounds. I find that it's reallly great that you were able to move forward and date and also find new hobbies and friends. You're really on the right track. Too bad when it comes to matters of the heart there is not an equation or a solution to just quickly get out of. I think another reason that people haven't moved on is because they haven't been aware of the present. Their mind is still clung on to the past. It's a really of a mindful awareness to make the commitment to move on. You've said so yourself that he was able to move on after a "few days and also found someone immediately". Is it worth any more of your time to be hung up around someone who forgot you that fast? Remember you are a catch! You are deeply missable! You can choose to let go. It's a state of mind.I do suggest however if it continues maybe you should seek professional help. Really wonder why this man has made this much of an impact on you. What about him is the real reason that lingers? Does he remind you of someone/or of the past?I'm just throwing ideas out there. I hope you can really just move forward with your life especially in the new year. You deserve the best! You only get the love you think you deserve.
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