A
female
age
18-21,
anonymous
writes:This is about my boyfriend Cameron who is a good person but keeps annoying me. He said he understands I do not want to have sex and he said he will be a virgin with me and not put any pressure on me to have sex. He says the right things but his body is saying something different. Every time we are together he is having constant erections and trying to hide it. It is embarrassing like he is a sex maniac. I do not even have to touch or kiss him for it to happen but even if I just hold his hand or hug him. He gets one every time we cuddle and I have to tell him not to touch himself and he gets mad and says he just adjusting to hide it better. Even when he tries to hide it I can now tell when it is happening because he gets squirmy and nervous. He is at least honest and apologizes about it if I ask him. I do not know what he is thinking because I have been very very clear sex is not going to happen for a long time even if he is a good boyfriend. He says he understands but cannot control getting hard and wanting sex but that sounds questionable to me. I told him a boy only gets an erection if he is planning to have sex and hoping the girl will give in. He at least has sex on his brain and he needs to calm down. He says the more we talk about it the more he gets erections like it is my fault. We do have fights on this and he gets very upset and I feel bad because I think he is trying and he does not try things unless I say we can kiss or cuddle. Why can he not just chill and accept that sex is not going to happen? He is cute and has a nice body. He looks very hot without a shirt even though he does not do sports except just exercise in his garage. I tell him he should be on insta doing hot pics. I do like kissing him and cuddling and having him take off his shirt for me when we have privacy. He says he likes it when I tell him to do that and it makes him feel sexy about himself. I am obviously attracted to him and I do think about doing more. The difference is I control myself a lot better than he does. How do I make him understand sex is not going to happen so he needs to quit getting his erections expecting it?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2022): Reading this post made me think of myself and my GF. I am almost Cameron's age. My slightly older GF is your age. We are virgins. I am insanely attracted to her and constantly managing my erections around her. The difference is she knows I respect her wishes and am minding my manners and not pressuring her and she does not make fun of me or put me down or judge me just because I get turned on around her. If she did that to me I would be crushed. Everyone seems to be pounding on you some for being out of line. I get that because you are being unreasonable. But I just want to say from the guy's point of view, give him a chance and appreciate his effort to be good despite every impulse in his body wanting to initiate something physical. Help him hide it when it happens. Be discreet. And don't do things you know are likely to trigger a reaction from him in public situations. You want him to be thoughtful about you and your feelings. You should do the same. Good luck to you both. You are in this together. Be a team and support your teammate.
Your friend, Calvin (alias)
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2022): Would you rather he had a limp dick? Seriously, that would be a legitimate problem to post about. You are complaining that your boyfriend, who takes the time to exercise at home and be fit enough you like him to take off his shirt, has a normal sex drive for his age and that he gets healthy normal erections and is attracted to you enough he has to constantly try and hide them. That is about the dumbest thing ever. If you really like him, learn to appreciate him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2022): You do not deserve this polite young man as your boyfriend. After reading your post, I wanted to start a Cameron fan club and not invite you to join. I agree you are behaving ignorantly. Please stop torturing him. Either grow up and appreciate him or let him be.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (24 September 2022):
 Oh dear. Seriously OP? In this day and age of instant access to all information, you choose to be this ignorant? Poor Cameron.
Assuming Cameron is of a similar age to you, he is displaying EXTREME self control, way beyond what would normally be expected from someone his age. If he really was the "sex maniac" you accuse him of being, he would be mauling you and pressuring you into having sex. The poor lad CANNOT control his physical reaction to being in your presence. He is obviously physically turned on by you but keeps his desires under control in not forcing himself on you. You have no idea how lucky you are to have a boyfriend like him. Many others would have either walked away by now or really pressured you into having sex.
I find it a bit twisted on your part that you think it is ok to get him to take off his shirt so YOU can feel turned on but you think it is unacceptable for HIM to be turned on. Just because YOU don't have any physical outward signs of being turned on does not make this ok.
And what's this crap about sex being some sort of reward for being a "good boyfriend"? You are a sick girl if that is how you view sex. Sex is something to be shared between two people who both want it and who both work to make the other one enjoy it. It is not some reward for being a good little doggie.
The best thing you can do for your relationship is to educate yourself on the human body, especially the male one.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2022): You are going to give your boyfriend some kind of complex if you carry on like this. You are making him feel embarrassed and ashamed about something he can't control. You need to educate yourself a little more before you get involved with the opposite sex. He sounds like a lovely guy. Be kinder and nicer and learn about male bodies and how they work before accusing him of something that isn't true. He has absolutely NO control over whether he gets an erection or not. At his age, anything turns him on and he obviously finds you attractive. You sound like the one who needs to calm down.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (23 September 2022):
 " He says he understands but cannot control getting hard and wanting sex but that sounds questionable to me. I told him a boy only gets an erection if he is planning to have sex and hoping the girl will give in."
No, you are wrong.
YOU are an ignorant little girl, OP
No, he has NO control over getting a hard-on. WHY do you think boys/men wake UP with a hard-on many mornings?
Can you control your period? No? Why not?! With your sense of logic, women should only get periods when they are NOT wanting to have an egg fertilized!
Getting AROUSED is a bodily response like blinking or breathing.
He will IN TIME get a better handle and control of his arousal but for a teenage boy there is little control over what his body does.
HE CAN NOT make the blood NOT flow to his neither regions nor can he MAKE it flow if he wanted to.
If you don't LIKe him getting a hard-on, STOP being physically close to him or kissing him or touching him, that is probably the ONLY way to "prevent" hard-ons" for him.
HIS body is responding to HIS attraction to YOU and your body.
He isn't doing this to pressure you to have sex.
Maybe cut down on the judging of him for not being in full control of his erections, because he isn't.
If you got aroused - aka wet - it isn't BECAUSE you want sex, it's a BODILY function.
He knows that sex isn't going to happen. Doesn't mean he will stop finding you attractive or stop having hard-ons. It will take him YEARS to master the control of his errections. And even then ( so in his 20's) he will still have a hard time ALWAYS being in control. There is no OFF/ON swtich.
So stop being ignorant.
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