A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi there, please advise?My mother is very overprotective of my sister, who is 18. Really, she has not allowed the girl to learn to do tasks on her own (such as grocery shopping, checking the mail, hanging out with friends, simple cooking, etc.) and has not allowed her to be social due to the fact that she is afraid that she will rebel like I did as a teenager (and I did, move out at 18, which was maybe a mistake, and I have made mistakes, but I am a happy and productive adult now) As a result the girl has no social skills, no friends, no new experiences, not going to school (after graduating high school) and no work. I am very concerned and want to take her places but my mom won't let me (I'm 28)Now my grandmama has died and her funeral is taking place in another state. My mom is out of the country and my father is already arrived at my relatives, but my mom FORBID me to take my sister on the airplane (what if the plane crashes with both of you on it?) I've traveled enough to get my sister back and forth safely and she is 18 and wants to get the chance to say goodbye, but she is stuck at home (she cannot go wandering the neighborhood of course and must keep the door locked at all times) while I will be the relatives. I think this is not reasonable. My mom says my sister is scared of airplanes and has anxiety, but my sister actually WANTS to go, it is my mom who is scared (she is even scared to have my sister drive with me around town (and I am a good driver) she is even scared to have my sister drive with anyone except her, even my DAD (who is also a good driver ) What is my sister's future like this? What can I do? How will my sister find her feet? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (24 November 2014):
If you want to help your sister then do so, but she also needs to learn for herself. You know better than anyone that no one teaches you everything about life, and most of the things we have to learn ourselves anyway. It will be a hard transition for her but this is choice SHE has to make. Your mother will not change, rest assured on that. In fact at this rate, even if your sister rebels, your mom will just blame you anyway (people like your mom are unable to hold themselves accountable). Your duty is to be her brother and sometimes your duty calls self sacrifice.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (23 November 2014):
 Your Mother's scheme is destined to make your Sister a social misfit through never learning how to deal with life.
Encourage your Sister to make - and keep - distance from your Mother... and remind your Mother that, unless she lets her daughter (your Sister) grow up, and leave the nest, she will be a fractured and incapable adult....
Then, get your Sister on the plane to your Grandmother's funeral... and tell your Mother that you (and your Sister) will meet her there....
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2014): It sounds more like inprisonment than overprotection.
The minute our babies are born we are affraid that something will happen. But life dictates us to at one point let out children go..
My daughter left house at 18 drove with her boyfriend across the country, and lived independently since then. There is nothing we as parents can do to keep them close by. I was affraid of her flying also, I was affraid of her driving but not to let her step out of the houseis insane. Your mother can't stop her from going to college. I think you need to do something about it, it doesn't look like your sister has any ability to do it on her own
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