A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes: Hi everyone i need some advice on parents..So recently my parents told me not to go for hangouts with my friends as my exams are in April. They were also worried at first that i was not going to get an offer from any of my universities, but I did! My parents are happy that I got an offer and they told me again to put off going out with friends until exams are over (end of April). Thing is, my 18th birthday is coming up in a week's time and I don't really want to spend the weekend stuck at home and not doing something relaxing for my birthday. All i want to do is just be with a group of my friends and we'll just relax for the day and just go to the mall and have some food and a nice birthday dinner. I've been studying a lot non-stop and managing my time so well that even I am surprised at myself. I've been working hard since I got the offer cuz its a really good university. I'm planning to ask my dad if I could just have saturday off just to spend it with my friends and my friends want to spend the day with me too.. my birthday falls on a monday, so like Saturday isn't too much to ask i suppose?What should I do? I really don't want to spend the whole weekend just doing work... If my dad says no, i have no choice but to obey of course... but any advice on how i should ask?
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female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (18 January 2017):
I am sure they understand that you will want to celebrate your birthday. I am sure in the UK that is normal enough, I mean I am from there myself so I do understand. Yes your parents probably want you to do well but am sure they understand that your 18th is a big deal also.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2017): You dont ask you just tell them "I'm meeting friends at the mall for my 18th and I'll be back around 10pm''.That is unless they're buying you a car in which case you jump up and down and squeal and dangle the keys and put them in ignition making sure the car is in neutral.You need lessons of course to drive a car!But what if youre not in 18 yr old teen movie world.So many of us dont live that life!Well you still have to tell them you've made plans to meet your friends.You've studied enough to deserve it.What if they've planned a surprise party with candles and cake and aunties etc ?.You will have to get your friends back from the mall to eat a slice of cake and then you leave again to go to the coffee shop or wherever.Mum and Dad know you are 18 yrs old and its a big occassion for them as well as for you.It's normal to want to see friends.No one studies all day on their 18 th birthday.Its traditional to have a day off and do something else like shopping at the mall, new haircut, burger at a burger bar or anything else such as just taking silly selfies.It's a good idea to just bust the stress or you will find you will feel angry and you wont remember a thing you study.But don't cut off mom and dad for good because they are only motivated to you having a decent chance at life and they may be secretly saving a college fund for you.Ask them outright about it so you know.And when you get to uni or college or after you can always stay in touch unless they do something vicious like beat you up because you should be a very important person in their life even when you are over 21 yrs old.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2017): I posted this question... Hmm I study social sciences.. And I just really don't want to be stuck in the house studying all weekend.. Well I just want like lunch and dinner with friends... Is that too much? Cuz I've been studying non stop honestly... Day and night and during my free periods at school so... Yeahhh it's just one day I don't intend to ask for any more until my exams are over...
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A
female
reader, RubyBirtle +, writes (17 January 2017):
Something that might work is to choose something that could also be considered educational and you convince your parents that is would also be useful to your studies or that a teacher has recommended it.
It depends what you're studying. If you're studying English or drama you could watch a play. If you're studying art you can go to an art gallery. If you're studying geography go and "study" the local parkland along with a picnic (although January is a tad cold for that). If you're studying history go and visit a local monument or museum. And lots of places have cafes or restaurants nearby so you can sit and chat and have a bite to eat. You can even spend more time in the cafe than in the museum if you like. Check out the internet for what's going on in your local area. Many museums and art galleries are still free and many offer generous discounts to people who are still in full-time education. It might not be the kind of thing you had in mind but it's what you make of it. You'll get time to spend with your friends at least
And perhaps you can ask your father just for a few hours to spend with your friends rather than the whole day. Say you'll spend some time in he morning studying before going off to meet your friends and then a little time in the evening.
You can also try promising that you won't ask for any more time off until your exams are over. But then you would have to stick to this promise even if something better comes along later (but what could be better than you own birthday)
I hope you have a good day.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (17 January 2017):
I don't think your parents sound too dominating, just worried that now is a make-or-break crucial time. I'd tell you dad you want to go out with your friends for a birthday meal for 4 hours, then you plan to come back and study.
If you show that you want to study when you return and won't be out all day, he should be reasonable.
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (17 January 2017):
You are old enough to make important decisions. In UK, 16 is the age of consent. It is also the age you can join the army.
I think you could gently put your foot down this once and say, 'I need to take a day off'.
You write: 'If my dad says no, i have no choice but to obey of course...' But of course you do, unless he is some kind of monster.
In the final analysis if you have to suck it up, for whatever reason, you will soon be leaving home for college. Do not go back when college is over. This is your door to freedom, and the rest of your life.
They mean well but I would ditch the dominating parents as soon as you are able.
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