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male
age
26-29,
*aniel1997
writes: Hi all! I am in a situation and hopefully you can help me by giving me another perspective cause I am a bit at a loss. Here it goes: I've been with my gf for two years, I love her to bits and have never felt so good with anyone. Up until a while ago we hadn't had sex (she was a virgin). The only thing we did was kiss, she didn't even want to make out, let alone give eachother handjobs or sth like that. Although I felt frustrated, I respected her wishes and never pushed her into anything. Over the time several thoughts crossed my mind, like maybe she was asexual or had a nasty experience in the past or that she simply wasn't into me but at some point we had a talk and she explained she simply wasn't ready. A couple of months ago we went away on holiday and she surprised me by actually coming on to me. Ever since we can't get our hands off eachother, she's very passionate, in fact the best sex I' ve ever had and I couldn't be happier. My question is how can you get from the point of almost not wanting your guy touching you straight to the point of wanting sex like crazy? I mean she loves it and initiates and I think it's a dream come true but I simply can't understand women' psychology. I always thought we would begin by making out and slowly get "there". Maybe I am just overthinking, would love to read your thoughts, thank you!
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female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (28 August 2022):
 This could have been me you were describing. I waited until I was 20 before having sex for the first time. I wanted my first time to be with someone special and was also absolutely terrified of getting pregnant (never wanted kids, never had them).
The boyfriend to whom I lost my virginity was very special, very gentle and never ever pushed me to have full sex, even though he was not a virgin. We discussed things, made plans to minimize the risk of an unplanned pregnancy and only when I was fully "protected" and ready did we have full sex for the first time. After that there was no holding us back and we indulged whenever we could. It was all very new and exciting and I was super keen once I got started.
Enjoy yourselves but also be careful about birth control.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2022): If you're too close to where your parents are to remind you of what they perceive as "good-girl" behavior. When we move-away from home to attend college, or move a good distance from our families; that's when we are more prone to experiment sexually.
She may have been inhibited by her upbringing and conditioning; and felt more free to let herself go being well-distance from reminders of how she should behave.
She took her time to be sure you are sincere in your feelings towards her; and she also made sure she didn't submit, until she actually wanted to! Not because she was pressured or coerced into it. It's one thing to give yourself, because you want to; as opposed to being pressured into it! It shows inner-strength and self-control.
I'm a Christian and I have to watch my commentary when referring to sexual-behavior. I don't disregard scriptural doctrine regarding sexual-behavior before marriage; I can only watch my own behavior, and judge myself; but remind other Christians of how we should behave. I can't be a hypocrite. I'm in no position to judge; because I've acted on my own urges and impulses, just as most people have.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (26 August 2022):
 I think she FINALLY feels secure in the relationship. I think she WANTED to make really sure that you were going to stick around BEFORE having sex.
I think she feels that having sex is a big deal (and for many it is) and she decided to wait until SHE was ready to have sex. For her sex is an ACT of love, not "just" sex. I think you should perhaps feel honored instead of confused.
Do all women think/act like this? No.
But your GF does.
Instead of wondering, why not enjoy it? And at some point TALK to her! If you can have sex, you CAN talk to her about sex.
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