A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:I’m a 17 year old who’s in love with a married man with two kids who used to be my teacher at school but I still contact him whenever I need help with my studies(he tutors students after school cause he’s really the best at explaining . If you think this is messy than you haven’t even read the whole thing. so as some may advise me to “find someone your age” , “focus on yourself “...ohh I tried ...it’s been four years now ! And he literally moved into a house which is literally in front of mine 2 years ago so it’s hard not to think about him . He was never really the perverted guy neither I was that Teen. i tried my best to give subtle signs , but I couldn’t be really straight forward or obvious about it cause i know it is wrong to and I believed so did he , but after all we’re still humans who don’t cooperate well when dealing with emotions.Ps: even my mom noticed that he has a thing for me from the way he acts and looks without noticing,but both My mother and I know he’s never the guy to cross the line neither am I. Like this is some of the major things like he did. i was freezing ?? and he offered to take his jacket and give it to him the next day at school.This one was really weird idk what had gotten to him but this is the first time he asked something like this and the last time. he was checking if I changed my number to send me pdf sheets and out of the blue he asked if I think about him at night before going to sleep or open out chat(which literally has nothing but school work) so even tho I did all of these things I made a silly expression looking onto the ceiling and we both just laughed and he never asked anything like that. Even tho deep down I was shocked cause I’ve been waiting for this moment forever!I literally thought that I was dreaming So it’s basically having thoughts of regret too, like I could’ve just let my feelings out , when I had the chance but I didn’t :( cause it’s weird to open up such a topic in 2 years..as we just chat about life in general and random things) so I wish I just let it out and moved on ,but I didn’t because cause I was nervous and My body has this thing were it just does the right thing . So Yea it’s really hard especially when I bump into him ... :( I miss seeing him and talking to him on daily basis.He used to help me with my problems too and he made me forget my problems even if he isn’t aware of this.Like the harder I forget the more Love songs I end up writing.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2020): Typo correction:
"It will, because you won't always be 17."
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2020): Youthful crushes are pretty strong, but they're mostly fueled with fantasy. They can get quite intense as time passes, the imagination runs wild; and then school-girl drama takes it all to a new height.
Being apart and distance helps. Let your imagination flow until it tires itself out.
Your hormones, adapting to growth-spurts, and watching way too much reality-TV and drama is overtaking your mind. You have too much idle-time on your hands; and you really should be concentrating on your studies, and friends your own age. You've come to DC for advice, and therefore you are entitled to some answers.
All this adult-talk here means nothing to you; because you're at that age when advice and schoolwork is just a unintelligible-language spoken by grownups. Especially, coming from your parents or teachers. Human-voices that make choppy-sounds, while the only words you can translate are "don't do this, or don't do that!" We can't control your emotions and feelings with our words; but we can only hope you read our advice a couple of times, until your mind settles-down just enough to make sense of it.
What you're feeling is normal. You've been in close-contact with a grown-man, and you've become fixated. That's where most crushes start at your age, on older people totally oblivious to your/our feelings. Been there, and done that too! He might be handsome, and has been very attentive to you. Your imagination has spun every act of kindness or attention into make-believe attraction for you. If your father is absent, or not actively in your life; he fills an emotional-void your dad has left behind. I really don't believe your mother is encouraging you to crush on an older married-man; and she wouldn't be a very good parent if she is. I think you embellished a little there.
No-one can remove a crush you like to fantasize or daydream on; or think about before you sleep. You keep it alive, because it comforts you. He doesn't feel as you do, and schoolgirl-crushes are as normal and plentiful as tea at tea-time. You can drag them out endlessly, or you simply outgrow them. They can live until the right boy comes along. Obviously, that boy hasn't arrived yet. It's just a matter of time. You have no idea what love is, my dear. It's not something you can feel, without getting some back to feed into it. It's a crush, until it fades-away. It will, because you're won't always be 17.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (1 November 2020):
 Maybe you need to find another tutor and CUT all contact.
It's inappropriate for him to act on this and it IS inappropriate for YOU to keep seeking his attention and "help".
Life isn't easy. Self-control is something you should be practicing. JUST because you have a crush on this guy doesn't mean he is right for you or that this is "love".
Do no declare your infatuation to him. Why? Because there is nothing he can DO about it. And probably nothing he would WANT to do, in his eyes YOU are a kid, a CHILD. No one wants to be a pervert. He will feel like a total SHIT if he thinks his contact, help etc. with you has led you down this path - IF HE ISN'T a pervy guy.
We can't always get WHAT and WHO we want in life. You might think he is ALL that and a box of chocolate, but he belongs to someone else. HIS affections belong to someone else, his heart and body too.
You need to stop.
Him letting you use a jacket because it's cold is NOT a sign of LOVE for you. It's called MANNERS. It's called consideration. YOU read WAY more into all this, than he probably intended.
I will cut you some slack because you are 17, but that doesn't mean you don't need to take responsibility for YOUR own actions.
It's not uncommon to have a crush on a teacher as a teenager. MANY teens do this. RARELY does anything come from it. Most grow out of this childish notion.
Time for you to focus on that, and the REST of your life.
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