A
female
age
36-40,
*ichellemali25
writes:Hi everyone and thanks for taking the time to read my question. Ok so iv been with my boyfriend for a year now,he's the most caring and kindest man iv ever met and he is so good to me. I have no problem -however I find myself constantly comparing myself to his ex girlfriend. They were in a very long distance relationship - she lives in Brazil and is exteremely beautiful. She seemed such a lovely girl too and I feel like I just don't measure up to her. I find myself getting upset when I see photos of her because she is everything I want to look like - when I'm totally opposite! I'm blonde and have green eyes I'm not the 'miss world' style Latin American beauty she is. I always feel that they looked better together and I worry what he feels when he sees photos of her. His family are constantly liking photos of her on Facebook too which really upsets me- as I've been in his life for a year now and we are wanting to get a place together and settle down. It makes me feel like the think she was better for him than me because she was more beautiful. His mother never compliments my looks yet is always liking her photos and so is his nan. Yet this girl never met them as she lives in Brazil and we live in the U.K. I always get the feeling his family like me,and he says they do. I understand maybe they are being friendly to her as the relationship between my boyfriend and his ex only broke down because of the distance and I think maybe his feelings for me. So I get that no betrayal or argument was made- maybe I'm being too sensitive but it's really upsetting me. I know I shouldn't compare and look at photos but she really is beautiful and seems so lovely. I really don't get why he would find me more attractive. I just need to know how to get over these feelings and if I'm wrong in feeling this way. Thanks x
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (31 March 2017):
 You are being sensitive. His family are allowed to contact whoever they want. Liking her pictures is not doing anything to upset you. The probably don't even realize the issue, or even compare the both off you. You really do need to get the ex out off your head or else you are going to just torture yourself. It is okay for his family to keep in contact with her, and it is okay for them also to like you. The only person that is comparing looks is you believe me. You need to gain more confidence in yourself or else you will sabotage your own relationship.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2017): You are not his ex. She is not you.She is his ex for a reason.He is with YOU now.He chose YOU. She is in his past.If I were you, I would let this go. And think happy thoughts. And enjoy your relationship. The thoughts in our own heads are our own worst enemy. We can just as easily choose to turn those thoughts around.Does HE make you feel less? Does he make you feel badly about yourself? Does he go on about her? Is there anything he is doing to make you feel insecure besides his family raving about her photos? Do you think he loves her still? Where are these feelings of insecurity coming from? From you? Or from something he is doing or not doing in your relationship? You say he is the kindest and most caring man you have ever met and that he is so good to you. So, what's the problem?Really, sweetie, there is no need to put yourself down this way. He thinks you are beautiful. He is with you because you are beautiful not only in looks but in your heart.Just because she is beautiful does not take away from your own beauty. Do you see that? There are many forms of beauty. Not just one.You have a beauty all your own. Be confident in yourself and enjoy who you are. Once you let go of these worries and just relax, you will find that you are more yourself. Your boyfriend is with you. He loves you.Stop thinking about her and stop focusing on her. She lives a world away and is not part of your lives. She is no threat. You are the one who is making her a threat by thinking these thoughts. You are obsessing about them and they just grow worse by the day.She is his past.You are his present and his future.Look forward, not backwards.Why don't you surprise him with a nice dinner out or do something special just for the two of you? You will feel better. Take care.
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