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He says my body is his.

Tagged as: Big Questions, Family, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (16 January 2017) 17 Answers - (Newest, 26 January 2017)
A female Australia age 41-50, anonymous writes:

My partner of 3 yrs and i have a beautiful little girl who is 1. Lately my partner has been trying touching me and trying to penetrate me whilst we are playing with our daughter which i have put a stop to. He has started sayimg he can touch me whenever he wants as "it"is his. I told him it isnt, however he is still saying this. Is it acceptable?

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (26 January 2017):

aunt honesty agony auntHow have things progressed for you?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2017):

You have taken correct steps to ensure that your partner respects you and the child.

Do your family on Uk get to hear from you at all?

Im sure they would like to wish you well.

Your partner may shape up now that you have called him to order.

Being a good dad isnt about being a sexual person all the time.

Maybe you could buy him a good parenting manual and help him to understand what a good dad is!

As for the bad back,well there is not much you can say other than congratulations you have got the determination and ability to get through the pregnancy and get baby up to one year despite the pain and difficulties.

As baby gets older dad will find it easier to interact appropriately with you keeping a watchful eye.

Parenthood is a learned ability!

It doesnt magically just happen!

It is always useful to seek advice from health worker if uncertain and you have just managed to navigate what could have become a very difficult topic to broach.

Stay very consistent in your messages to your partner and daughter and you may find you have a happy family life.

It is a journey you undertake together.

On important issues the rule is no second chances.

eg on leaving child in house alone to nip out and get beers, nappies etc.

Be organised and stay on top of your bills so that your home is never in jeopardy.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2017):

Hi this is in answer to your question and thank you. I have spoke with best friend in England and speaking with my midwife. My partner has eased up at the moment, i think he is aware he's crossed the line ! Im heartbroken as i was so in love with him and up until that point he had been an amazing father, partner and friend. However tough this may get i will protect mydaughter. Thank you.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2017):

Answer to your question. Firstly Thank you and I have spoke with my best friend in England and seeing my midwife. He has backed of at the moment. I think he knows he crossed the line. Im so heartbroken as he has been an amazing father upto that point and i was so in love with him. I was told i couldn't have babies so she is my little miracle and i will protect her.

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (18 January 2017):

aunt honesty agony auntSpeak to someone in Australia sweetie. A therapist or a womens aid. I would be scared off what he could do to your daughter if he is showing sexual signs in front off her. Can you call home, ask for some help with travel?

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A female reader, Aunty BimBim Australia +, writes (17 January 2017):

Aunty BimBim agony auntIf you are planning to take your child and run for the hills you need to be aware your partner may be able to stop you legally removing the child from Australia.

Your partner's behaviour is not normal. I suggest you talk to your GP or child health nurse about this issue. Get it documented so that if he does try to stop your leaving you will have some prior documentation to back you up.

I would be very, very concerned about WHY he might be trying to have sex in front of your baby .... and my gut feeling is the sooner you get out of there the better for both of you.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2017):

No of course that isn't acceptable. Trying to do that in front of a child is beyond sick, and criminal, you could lose custody of your daughter. I wouldn't be with a man who thought that behavior was acceptable. He is showing no respect for you or your little girl.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2017):

This is a reply to all the answers.

Thank you all so much for the advice and confirmation that i should and am planning my exit strategy. All my family live in the UK and i am in Australia so it may take a while, but i will get out straight away if he persues this disgust behaviour. It is a recent thing and i have noticed jealously from paying my daughters too much attention. I will get there as i sufer from chronic pain also as mu spine is curved in two places, however your answers have made me see the light as i am on alot of medication. First and foremost is my daughters, health and well being so im out as i can.Thank you again for taking the time to reply, giving me strength and helping me see what is right in front of me.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2017):

That's raising red-flags! Most inappropriate and unacceptable.

Your body is yours, and to be given only when you wish to give it. That vibe raises far too much to speculation; and you were right to end it.

Forced-penetration is rape, without your consent.

Sex, when a child is present; is immoral, indecent, and criminal.

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom +, writes (17 January 2017):

N91 agony auntIf he's only started doing this recently then I don't like to think what path this could lead down.

If I were you I'd be taking my child and getting the hell out of there.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States +, writes (17 January 2017):

Honeypie agony auntGross!

Your BF is gross. YOUR body is yours and NO he doesn't have a "right" to touch you whenever he wants.

I agree with SVC, I'd look for an exit strategy as well. This is not NORMAL. This is not something I'd put up it. Sounds to me that he isn't above sexual assaulting you.

IS this a hew thing from him or one you have laughed as in the past because it's so ridiculous and now he wants to challenge you? And IS IT a cultural thing?

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (17 January 2017):

So_Very_Confused agony auntNO you are not his. that is called slavery. trying to penetrate you without your consent is RAPE. Touching you without your permission is sexual assault.

the fact that he is trying to be sexual in front of your child is disconcerting in itself. And not healthy and not normal. Parents normally keep their adult sexual lives private and separate from the relationship they have with their children.

Please contact either your family or a woman's shelter to plan an exit strategy as this behavior may escalate and become more dangerous for you and your child.

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A female reader, Andie's Thoughts United Kingdom +, writes (17 January 2017):

Andie's Thoughts agony auntFirst of all, touching you sexually in front of any child is wrong. It is also wrong to touch you without your consent. If he continues, you need to take your child and leave because his "your body is mine, I can touch you whenever I want" comment is what abusive people think and can lead to rape.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2017):

Your child is not supposed to witness your sex life.

Daddy may be proud of his donger but his daughter is not suppossed to clap eyes on it.

Tell him that social services will be informed if he keeps pushing his luck

Its a one off lesson only.

He may be immature or else he deliberately wants the child taken off you.

Sex is conducted when the child is asleep in her bedroom!

Why else do the adults try to get the children into bed early telling them that sleep is good for them?

Dark early evenings help with this strategy!

Then mummy and daddy get evenings to themselves which is good for them and everyone is happy.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2017):

It's really not. It's also a little creepy to want to do that in front of his children.

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom +, writes (17 January 2017):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntNext time he says/does that, kick him in his bollocks and tell him THEY are YOURS! What a tw*t.

Underneath all this, I suspect what is going on is that he feels he is competing for your attention and this is the only (totally inappropriate) way he can think of to do it.

You need to sit him down, when your daughter is not around, and explain how his behaviour makes you feel. Do you two have time to yourselves when you enjoy each other without your daughter being around? Children are demanding and need a lot of attention, to the extent that often the parents' relationship suffers. Perhaps set time aside each week which is "adult time" so that he does not feel he has to compete for your attention when you are playing with your daughter.

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A female reader, Ivyblue Australia +, writes (17 January 2017):

Ivyblue agony auntNO way honey, NOT ACCEPTABLE. Your body IS and will ALWAYS be yours. As for trying to have sex while playing with your daughter is just all that bit too perverted. Unwanted sex is rape. Relationship status does not make this any less a criminal act. Please exercise your rights to say NO when it does't suit and what or how when it does.

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