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female
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anonymous
writes: advice from guys, please: how big of a deal is it if a guy doesn't want to tell his family about you? at what point in a relationship should he want to do this? my bf told me he doesn't think he'd want to really bring a girl into that part of his life pretty much until he basically needed to get engaged. is that normal? we've been dating almost 2 yrs, although there was a few months' break after the first year. would he feel differently if i were more right for him?
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female
reader, pica +, writes (30 November 2006):
The question isn't so much is it normal as is it acceptable to you. I don't think he necessarily has anything to hide. Have you met friends, just not family? Has he met your family and/or friends? Is he a sociable kind of guy or does he just stick with a few close friends? Does he see his family regularly, do they even know you exist? When did they last meet a woman he was involved with? Martini below gives the possible guy side of things. I agree that normal doesn't come into it though personally this kind of thing for me has been a deal-breaker in the past. As to would he act differently with someone else .. impossible to say. You never know, maybe he's more hiding them from you than the other way round.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2006): Well I dated a girl for 1.5 years, and didn't introduce her to my parents. Did I have things to hide? [ponders] Yeah, I didn't want my parents to mind my business so much. When it comes to dating women, I don't like it when my family butt in too much.
I don't think it's really that important that she meets my parents. If she makes me feel extremely good about myself, etc, then maybe I might mention it to my parents once in awhile. Otherwise, really no point.
Plus, once you two are engaged, things will be official. It's probable that his parents may have stricter ideas of the type of girl they want him to marry, or maybe he has a negative past with his parents. There are many reasons.
People say it's not normal, but I beg to differ. My friend dated a girl for more than year before he brought her home to meet with his mom. My other friend dated his gf for two years before bringing her home cuz he knew his parents won't like her, and wow, was he correct. It took another year for them to 'accept' her. [sigh] My sympathies went to him for sure. 8(
You can talk to him about it, why he did what he did, or why he is doing what he is doing. It's all about open communication. If you don't understand it, ask, and persist. 8]
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2006): No that sounds like this guy's got a lot to hide from you!! I mean why else after 2 years would you not have met his family?? I would give him an ultimatum - meet his family at christmas or finish with him!! Tell him Chrimstmas is a time for familys etc...
What's he waiting for? A divorce or something to come thro before getting engaged and THEN bringing you around to meet his parents & family?? I mean any of the relationships I've been in I've met the parents/family after a month at least!
No def something amiss with this guy..... Not to be trusted in my opinion!!
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male
reader, Dr. Reality Check  +, writes (30 November 2006):
 Er, no that's not normal at all.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2006): No, this is not normal. And, whatever reasons he has stated for wanting to have things this way, you certainly have even better reasons for meeting his family ASAP.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2006): Looks to me like this guy's got something to hide if after 2 years together and you haven't met or spoke to any of his family!! It sounds like he could be hiding the truth that he's married already and not separated/divorced and is just stringing you along.......
I mean in any of my past relationships I've met their family after a month or so of starting to go out with them! You are more than right for him and don't start thinking you should need to change for him!!! I'd give him an ultimantum - either you meet his family at Christmas or get rid of him!! You have to be strong and put your foot down and find out what he's hiding..... cos girl he's certainly hiding something in my opinion!!!
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