| A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: Has any of you ever had a pause in life? Like a decade long pause? What does one do?It's not something I planned, it just sort of happened. I moved with my husband to a foreign country when I was about 30 (had to) and in a blink of an eye I turned 40. We were focused on surviving. Learning the language, validating our diplomas, finding work...And somehow life just slipped away.Everything that I thought we would be/have, well not everything but some of the most important things, just never happened.We were struggling so much with papers and financially that we never had an opportunity to start a family. Most of my family members died. Many of my friends have moved away too and are all over the world, difficult to stay in touch.I'm grateful every day for my husband. We love and respect each other and our marriage has been a blessing. But he too has been struggling with pretty much the same things.I'm also grateful for the job I have, even though it's low-paying and is a job not a career. I manage to get a second job from time to time, so things work out somehow.It's just that I realized how old I had grown and that certain doors are closed. I don't mind the gray hair, I don't even mind the arthritis I was recently diagnosed with, it's just sometimes difficult to come to terms with what our life actually is.Whenever I think of hos we should just stop and get out, find another life, do something else, move somewhere else, I'm faced with economic crisis, mortgage, poor job market...I feel stuck.I've been seeking a therapist, but I guess it takes time... Anyway, thank you for your advice! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2018): One thing is that 40 is usually not too old to have a child, but you have to do so asap. The rates are actually better than you would think, do some googling. Yes, it may or may not happen but it's worth a try! If not you can always adopt! I highly recommend that route!
I'm sorry you've been dealing with death lately. Also, aging is tough, there is no way around that. It reminds us to do the things we want. Count your blessings you have an understanding husband.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2018): Thank you so much Tylersage!
In the last decade I forgot what it felt like to set goals and achieve them.
Good to be reminded that there's still time...
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A
male
reader, TylerSage  +, writes (27 March 2018):
 You talk about yourself as if you're a 90 year old on her death bed. Why are women always so eager to label themselves as old the minute the touch 25? Have you seen the 50 and 60 year olds of today? They look like the new 30s and 40s. We all go through it but the past is the past and it cannot be changed but thankfully your observations can help you to learn and grow from it, and with growth, comes happiness.I believe Eckhart Tolle says it best "When you complain you make yourself a victim. Leave the situation, change the situation or accept it. All else is madness." The 10 year gap you experienced is nobody's fault but your own, you made choices within that time frame that lead you to where you are now. Today is the day you can once again CHOOSE to change it.Is you hair gray? Colour it. Is your arthritis acting up? Take some pills.Hate your job? Grab the classifieds and start applying.Need new friends? Join a club and make some.Want kids? You better grab your husband and start getting busy asap.Your finances stressing you out? File for bankruptcy.Go on a date with your husband.Play a silly game.Go on a road trip.Get a new hairstyle.Get a new wardrobe.Quit your lousy job.Ask your neighbours over for a movie night.Set goals for yourself and nail them. You feel listless because you either have none or you've already forsaken them.Do what you need to do to realize that you're still in control and that you still have time. Personally, I don't think there's anything your therapist can tell you that you don't already know. Plus, it's an added expense.If you're sick and tired of being sick and tired you have to fix it now, now , now, now.....right this second unless before you know it you'll be 60. Stop talking as if life is over, it's not. Stop talking as if you're old, you're not. Stop acting like you can't fix your issues, you CAN.If you keep waiting on THE RIGHT TIME, you'll NEVER be ready.I'm glad you show gratitude for what you have but that's not enough you NEED to take action. And if in your last days you look back on a life FILLED WITH REGRETS you have NOBODY, NO-ONE, NOTHING, to blame but YOURSELF.Naturally, you're going to need a little push. I recommend looking up motivational videos on YouTube. You can look for people like Les Brown or Lisa Nichols, they're amazing and will really give you the push you need each day.I don't mean to sound harsh but you must realise that your life is up to you. You can't blame life, you can only blame how you live it.All the best.
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